Save-the-Whales Zsa-Zsa

"Dahling, you look vonderful. Vee must save zee vhales. Have you seen my new shoes?"

Okay, so I didn't come up with the "Save-the-Whales Zsa-Zsa" moniker. My friend's husband did that. But I can tell you what it means.

It means his wife. And me. And maybe even you. If you're a guy, probably not you. But if you are a woman and you pay for manicures (and pedicures, and waxing of masochistic proportions) and you vote Democratic, and every once in a while you seriously consider becoming a mentor (we really should give back), yup, that's you:

Save-the-Whales Zsa-Zsa.

Don't worry. I'm not judging. And not just because I'm too polite.

Remember, Save-the-Whales Zsa-Zsa is me, too. Except that, whenever it won't throw an entire election, I vote my conscience, which is none, and therefore Libertarian. Before you hide the children, you should know that I'm totally against aspirin, even for adults. If you have a headache, well, that's what barbituates are for.

Now back to the whales.

Do you ever just catch yourself being way too American? I mean, the kind of American that walks into a Sephora, plunks down enough money to fund a third-world guerilla army (maybe on credit, maybe not; I'm not asking for your secrets), and then gets all misty-eyed over a "The Way I See It" quote on the back of your $4 non-fat vanilla latte. Yes, coffee cup, you are so right, we really should celebrate our differences.

Happened to me just this morning.

Because I believe emphatically that we should save the whales (although to be honest, that time when I was eight and my Mom donated money to saving the whales in my name? well, I wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid). And I believe that chipped toenail polish is tack-tack-tacky. And that we need to stop the war in Iraq. And that my bra should match my underwear and my socks should never, ever have holes in them. Ever. Not even almost holes. Especially now that we have to take our shoes off in airports. Don't shame your mama, people. Just don't.

So what should we do? Brew our coffee at home? Paint our own toenails? Stop wearing nail polish altogether?

Let's not get nutty.

We have to keep a little perspective. People will take us so much more seriously when we talk about saving the whales if they aren't staring at our girl mustache and unibrow the whole time. Grooming counts. Ask Paul Wolfowitz. And if you don't know who I mean just google his name along with the word "socks."

Way to shame your mama, Mr. Wolfowitz. Way to shame your mama.

What am I saying? I'm saying that, yes, I want to make a difference in the world. Yes, I want to be on Oprah (Diamonds the size of rubies and the Angel Network? Ahem. Total Save-the-Whales Zsa-Zsa.) Who doesn't want to be part of that? Sign me up. But I sure as heck don't want to be mistaken for Dr. Phil. And, trust me, neither do you.

So let's save the whales, Zsa-Zsas. But let's also remember that "you're never fully dressed without a smile" assumes that you take dental hygiene seriously. I know I do.

Comments

[keith]

Do you think we'll ever take these things seriously? Do you think we'll realize that most of the world don't have the things we call "the basics".

i heard a story of a woman who recently read a book about community and sharing and got upset at a friend for not living up to these standards and for wasting money. This was right after her husband bought her a new VW bug for her birthday, though it is her third car.

i don't think we get it even when we think we get it.

[Polly Poppins]

I was just having the "i don't think we get it even when we think we get it" conversation with someone else just yesterday.

We try. We forget to try. We try harder. We get self-important. We forget ourselves. But, still, we try.

We are all just people doing people things. If we ever really got it, if we ever really took every serious thing as seriously as it deserves to be taken, no matter how far away or removed, I think that everyone not actively engaged in fighting for survival would die of despair.

[Maggie]

You know, I think it's alright, and it's certainly important for us not to die of despair. We'll never REALLY get it though, because there's too much to get. Not even Oprah does, although she's probably trying harder than a lot of us. But if she has to be so much more save-the-whales than us, at least she's also that much more Zsa-Zsa than us too.

[Bookgirl]

If I weren't already a Save-the-Whales Zsa Zsa, I would aspire to be one.

[Polly Poppins]

Happy Resurrection Tuesday!

Why resurrect Save-the-Whales Zsa-Zsa? Because I still laugh at myself when I read it.

[The Dol]

And any Save-the-Whales Zsa Zsa worth her salt buys cosmetics not tested on animals (PETA has a huge list), aspires to have a hybrid as her next car (if she doesn't already have one), and pledges not to cross the picket line if the grocery workers go on strike again soon.

Thanks for resurrecting--I missed this one the first time around. Excellent post, Polly!

[Diosa]

Pleased to be a Save-the-Whales Zsa Zsa.

[The Model]

Save-the-Whales Zsa-Zsa here and proud of it! One has to be a bit of a Zsa-Zsa as a woman, and it's excusable. John Edwards may get crap for a $400 haircut, but Hillary never would. Nobody wants to see a poorly-taken-care-of woman, not even other women, and particularly not your mama. That's why Oprah can get away with wearing golf ball-sized diamonds -- as long as they're not conflict diamonds.

Excellent resurrection, Polly!

[Liz]

I'd like to think I've saved a few whales in my time. I'd also like to think that I'll save a few more in the years to come. I'd also like to think I can be a zsa zsa when I want.

The country we live in is the country we live in. Period. No reason to alienate ourselves by wearing "woman mustaches" and the like, right? Righty-o.

However, a little recycling here, a little volunteering there, a little lobbying for our causes (in public, at our statehouses, people) never hurt anyone. A bit of getting involved won't kill you.

As far as the diamonds the size of golf balls go. Well, the way I see it, if you can afford a diamond the size of a golf ball, or the size of a tiny pebble for that matter, then you can afford to contribute a few peasly dollars to a local charity, or the democratic party, whatever suits you. Just think, you'll look so damn sparkly doing it! Yay for sparkly Zsa Zsa giving!

[Bookgirl]

Hey Polly! When are you going to write about your trip to New York to visit Bookgirl?