Today I was thinking about my compulsions and how one thing leads to another and I end up wanting to take out an ad in the Penny Saver letting the whole world in on one of my many pearls of wisdom. So here I am, sharing my crazy in a brand new category: Helpful Hints. Let's get started.
You know how icky it is when your toilet gets clogged? And sometimes you want to plunge but you're afraid that the mass of the plunger will displace a volume of water equal to a mess on your floor, otherwise know as:
(H2O + P + 2) + plunge = PU
And even if that didn't happen, and all things finally passed as they are wont to do, you end up with a plunger you don't want to rinse in the tub or sink, you can't burn, and you certainly don't want to pay to replace.
I wish plungers were made to be disposable, but they just aren't. And a dirty plunger is not pretty. Not that clean plungers are all that decoratorly. Although I will admit that the Michael Graves sink plunger at Target, pictured above, is quite cute for a plunger. But not altogether useful for toilets, what with the short handle and the small plunging circumference.
Anyway, I digress.
The point is I know what to do. I can help you through this.
All you need is laundry detergent. I prefer dry, but liquid works, too. You pour a cup into the toilet, no more than you would use to do an ordinary load (oh boy was that pun intended) and you wait a few minutes. The detergent increases solubility and the organic matter in your toilet will begin to dissolve, allowing the water level a path to retreat. If the water goes down to what seems a normal or below-normal level, flush. If not, wait longer or add a little more detergent. You will not have to plunge as long as your only blockages are either organic or water soluble. You may never need a plunger again.
Unless you're looking for an alterative to lampshade hats at your next drunken frat party.
Of course, if for any reason your grey water isn't supposed to be flushed, septic tanks and the like, then don't do it. And for the sake of all that is holy, don't use liquid dishsoap even if it is biodegradable. I have no idea what will happen. But it could involve a lot of suds. Like when I used it in my dishwasher back in '88.
Now, I know what you're thinking: Polly, how do you know these things?
My very smart Auntie told me. Auntie's source was a little old woman she met while living in Japan for four years. Now other things, some would say more interesting things, happened to Auntie while she lived in Japan. She came home with stories about culture, cuisine, Tokyo, Mount Fuji, and the time when a really serious wind storm pulled her off her feet and the only thing that kept her tethered to this green earth was a firm grip on her front-doorknob.
But my favorite story is one where she learned how to dissolve poo. And not even how she learned to dissolve it. Just that there is a way to dissolve it. Without a plunger. Like freaky magic.
And that is today's helpful hint.
P.S. I'm not judging but you should really eat more fiber.
P.P.S. Okay, I'm judging.
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