Okay, Maybe Some Humping

Do you remember when I said that I couldn't watch humping on screen and that romance novels made me uncomfortable. Well, apparently that wasn't entirely true. My brother (who really wishes I'd give him an edgier screen name than my brother) reminded me that back when I was in high school I watched 9 ½ Weeks about as many times as I watched Mommy Dearest when I was in elementary school. Just to clarify, that's an awful lot of times. And I can't deny it.

I also watched Wild Orchid and Wild Orchid II more times than I care to admit. Especially Wild Orchid II. And I wasn't alone, although I won't name names Bookgirl. These movies, as long as no legal adult was in the room, did not embarrass me. I was enthralled, fascinated, and in my now-adult opinion, completely mislead about sex and relationships. Not that I don't believe that somewhere out there, someone is doing it in a clock tower, I just don't think that I'm ever going to be able to do an impromtu strip-tease like Kim Basinger--or meet a really nice boy with bright prospects, from a good family, who will want to marry me in spite of the fact that I'm a prostitute. As we say around here, miracle no happen.

In spite of all that, I really enjoyed those movies at the time although, like Mommy Dearest, they might lose a little of their luster if I were to watch them again now. Still, apparently, under the right circumstances, I was, once upon a time, able to watch movies with humping. Lots and lots of humping.

But I did not have a corresponding set of exceptions in the book world. As far as I can remember. Although I do remember thinking that Stephen King had something of a point when he wrote that it was a wonder that a woman could look at an erect penis without laughing. (This is not a direct quote because I do not remember which book it is from. The line was clearly not pivotal to the plot, and as I have read all of Mr. King's books, there is no way to easily narrow down the list of titles, let alone find the precise page and paragraph to collect a quote. I am just not that dedicated.)

Trust me, King wrote it and I was not the least bit embarrassed to read it or to type the word penis just now. See: penis, penis, penis. I am fine with penises. I have even read a book called A Mind of Its Own: A Cultural History of the Penis, a gift from Bookgirl who saw the title and just knew it had to be mine. She was right, I loved the penis book. There were even descriptions of eunuchs humping (women had to do something before the pill). And I didn't even blush. Because it was presented in a historical context. No romance. Not a drop.

Which brings me to the point of my confession. Because, this is a confession. Of sorts. Some of you may have noticed that I have linked to a blog called The Celibate Nympho (and if you are reading this, hello Nympho), and I admit, this seems to fly in the face of everything I've said about humping. We'll get to that in a minute.

Because this is not just a confession. More than admitting my strange list of exceptions to the humping rule, I feel like I owe an explanation to all the people who are linking to me from Nympho's blog. I keep some steamy company over there and I wonder if people linking from Nympho's blog are disappointed when they get here. I also wonder if that random person who googled the word domination and found me, Polly Poppins, got anything approaching satisfaction. Maybe. But only if the mystery googler followed the link to The Celibate Nympho.

Why do I, Polly Poppins, the woman who had to look away when Nicole Kidman and Jude Law consummated their sorta marriage in Cold Mountain, feel so fine about reading a sex blog that I decide to share it with the hundreds of people who visit my site every week. Not that Nympho only blogs about sex, and not that the blog post that hooked me wasn't about sex. For one thing, there's no sense of intruding on a personal moment, no fly-on-the-wall violation of privacy. Nympho doesn't overly romanticize her physical encounters. She's unapologetic about her sexuality. And she is extremely likable--when it comes to her dedication to work, health, faith, and her daughter, she's downright wholesome. But the most important reason is that The Celibate Nympho can write. She can take everyday words and make them shake and shimmy until they drop like dervishes after the dance. I'm surprised her keyboard doesn't catch fire. The Nympho's got craft, too, and you'd better believe I'm talking about her writing. She's got description, pace, and dialogue toeing the line.

Maybe it's her natural bent as a submissive, but she's disciplined in more than the bedroom. Her writing is so clean and captivating, I forget I'm reading. Although occasionally, I admit to coming across a bit that I have to skim out of pure prudishness. And some stuff just sounds like it hurts. But mostly, I am transported and transfixed.

Now you might ask: what about the pictures?

I don't know how else to put it, but as an INTJ once I decide I like someone, that they've got my support, suddenly my worldview shifts to accommodate everything they might do up until they hit a relationship deal breaker. Then it's over. But until that time, they've got a huge credit account to bank on. And I can rationalize anything they do (lie, cheat, steal, maybe murder) as completely acceptable, even commendable, regardless of the fact that I might judge another person harshly for the exact same behavior. (I never told you life was fair, buttercup.) And so, no joke, I find The Nympho's pictures, which usually wouldn't be my cup of tea, endearing, vulnerable, even sweet. Probably not the look she was going for, but that's what I see.

And here's the big reveal: I think I am becoming a better writer because I read The Celibate Nympho. She has showed me another side of language, another set of physical energy to tap into, a more sensual way of experiencing the world. And by sensual, I don't mean sexual, I mean MBTI sensing. Because, from what I read, she is living in her own skin every bit as much as she is living in her head. She doesn't spend all of her time working over motivation and thought, she deals with concrete details and sensations.

Coincidently, I wrote everything in this post up until this sentence last night. I got a comment on No Humping from Diosa, who had no idea I was about to readdress this topic, this afternoon:

Never had a problem with sex on screen. I don't find it embarrassing.
In fact it can be rather educational. I don't like romance novels. I'd
rather read penthouse forum. I like my sex straight up, not disguised
as literature. So, not all INTJ's think alike on this matter.

Bookgirl works on a lot of, ahem, adult titles so I naturally found myself talking to her at length about how confounded I am by how much I love Nympho's writing. She said, "it's not the sex that makes you uncomfortable, it's the romanticizing of sex and the emotion (read: sentimentality) that bother you."

I guess, like Diosa, I prefer my sex straight up. But I also love fabulous writing. Which is why even though I would have told you that I was not interested in books about rotting corpses, assassinated presidents, or child abuse, I loved, Stiff, Assassination Vacation, and That Mean Old Yesterday. I also love Bones, Biography, and the unforgettable Mommy Dearest.

I guess it's not only my morals that come with a huge gray area.

Comments

[Liza]

Hey Polly, I've avoided looking at The Celibate Nympho despite your recommendation b/c I tend to roam to your blog while at work... and don't think that kind of a link would be looked upon too kindly by the cyber po-po (so to speak). Anyway, I finally got around to reading Nympho and she really really does write so very well!

[Liza]

Do you refrain from all romantic-comedies? Do you not like the scenes when the two romantic leads finally over come all that stands between them and run towards each other in the drenching rain- THROW themselves at one another? haha!

[Polly Poppins]

The last two movies I watched were "Night at the Museum" and "The Departed" and I liked both of them a lot. I also tend to like action movies, movies with a large pyrotechnics budget, and movies such as "American Pie" and "The Wedding Crashers." But I subscribe to Netflix and they don't have a single Romance recommendation for me based on the 842 movies I've rated.

[The Dol]

The humping movie that got me was "Stealing Beauty." It's an early Liv Tyler movie. Young Liv goes to Italy to visit her mom's friends (or somebody) and hooks up with a local. I think that's how it went. There was a humping scene, that much I remember.

[Liza]

Stealing Beauty was one of my favorites for a long time...

[Maryam in Marrakesh]

eeek, I am blushing in advance and heading immediately over to celibate nympho... (Hope and pray my husband does not follow these links)

PS I linked you:-)

[Bookgirl]

a) The first time we watched WOII, I couldn't get why people said it was porn because it just seemed like a really sweet love story. You explained to me that I had slept through all the juicy bits. The second time I watched it, I was SHOCKED.
b) I own it on VHS.
c) Remember making Mike and John watch it with us? They just didn't get it...
d) You know my shared love of romance novels with my family. My dad tried to lend me one the other day, and I told him I don't read that author. He asked why not. I said, "Because her books don't have any sex. I like a lot of sex."

[Liza]

Bookgirl - if I said that to my father, i think he would pass out right then and there.

[Diosa]

I've been watching old TV series that I've never watched before but have been curious about. I just started watching Roswell recently. I remember you being into it at the time. Very interesting dynamic. Highly sexual and intimate plot/love story and not even any kissing yet. Big Trouble does not enjoy it as much as Dark Angel. I think my six year old has a thing for Jessica Alba.

[Polly Poppins]

Ah, Roswell. I loved the tension on that show. Unfortunately, I had to give it up once the plotlines deteriorated to the point of fantasies about sex on chem lab tables. But the first season was brilliant.

[Insider]

The Celibate Nympho's blog led me here, and I stayed. The theme is not the same, but you two have greats minds !

[Polly Poppins]

Dear Insider, thanks for coming, and thanks for staying.