"Nothing brings a meeting together like a box of donuts." ~ Dean Fernandes, salesman
I don't claim to know everything but I do know one thing. People like free food. It doesn't matter if the food is pricey or cheap, if the people in question make six figures or minimum wage. It doesn't matter if everyone just ate. It doesn't matter. People like free food.
Especially confections.
So if you want to get people to attend a meeting, bring on the donuts. If you want them to clamor to attend the meeting, provide catered lunch. If you want them to buy something from you, offer them quality pastries or cheesecake. Provide catered lunch and dessert and you will have unborn children named after you. Even if your name is Tumor.
Now this might not work in Hollywood or the New York fashion world where people just don't get to eat. But it works in the ordinary world just fine. As a matter of fact, in my opinion, the tighter the pants, the more the meal will be appreciated. Because one of the first rules of dieting is that free food is an exception to all other rules. And have you ever met a woman not on a diet or at least considering one? That's a trick question, because just being able to name individuals who don't diet shows how prevalent dieting is in our culture.
But seriously, people like free food and they like you for providing it. Why not? We aren't so far removed from a time when feeding someone meant taking responsibility for their life. When food was scarce and meals took all day to cook, offering someone a place at your dinner table wasn't something to be done lightly. Even now, we don't open our homes and our boxes of takeout to just anyone.
I think that feeding people, like caring about celebrities, has vestigial roots. We are hardwired to care about people we recognize. We are hardwired to trust and defer to people who feed us. And even if we don't trust the people who feed us, somehow accepting the meal, breaking bread with them so to speak, makes it very hard not to get personal.
Even sharing a cup of coffee with someone has an intimate feel. And if someone buys you a cup of coffee, it's hard not to feel at least a token debt. Not much debt, but enough that you wouldn't just grab the cup and walk away. That's why men on the prowl introduce themselves by way of buying their intended target a beer.
Candy is dandy, liquor is quicker, and donuts are love by the dozen at a shockingly low price.
Doesn't free food fall into that category of "foods that don't have calories", along with anything you eat on your birthday, food eaten while standing up, and food eaten between the hours of 2am and 3am?
Posted by: Nympho | June 05, 2007 at 06:31 PM
CN, you forgot food eaten while heartbroken.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | June 05, 2007 at 06:34 PM
Also, calories are afraid of heights, so if you keep your chocolate on top of the fridge you can eat as much as you want.
About donuts, the little girl and I have a favorite donut shop here in town. It is owned by an older couple who are probably the nicest people in the world, and I'm not trying to be hyperbolic here. They take care of the local homeless people, feed the birds, and consider my daughter one of their grandchildren. It's probably something to do with being around all those donuts for decades.
Posted by: The Dol | June 06, 2007 at 07:15 AM
Poppins - Mr. Liz worked in a donut shop. He is kind of a (pansy) do good-er - ie. feeds birds, helps local homeless people, etc.. so maybe The Dol is on to something....
I worked in a pizza shop when I was younger and it made me fat and not so nice. Maybe I should take a gig in a donut shop to soften my exterior and start feeding the birds
Posted by: Liz | June 06, 2007 at 09:38 AM
I worked at Dunkin Donuts for two years in high school. When people at the drive-thru weren't nice, I'd leave the lids on their coffee imperceptibly loose.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | June 06, 2007 at 10:04 AM
This also works for preferential treatment. People who I wouldn't want to tip constantly (like the guys who my landlord pays to clean my gutters) always receive brownies from me. They cost $10 and 30 minutes to make, and guys are always super nice and eager to visit. Plus I'm never afraid they're going to break into my house via the (extremely accessible) windows and steal my precious laptop.
Posted by: little white liar | June 06, 2007 at 10:26 AM
we have endless meetings at my company... but people always willingly go when they know that there will be food. .... even though the subject matter will be just as boring...
Posted by: Liza | June 06, 2007 at 03:51 PM
food and/or free t-shirts seem to be endlessly attractive to one and all
Posted by: Liza | June 06, 2007 at 03:52 PM
It totally works in Hollywood and the New York fashion world, too -- it's all about the craft services. Not claiming anyone keeps it down, but they do eat it. It's also true that you feel at least token debt for as little as coffee -- there is no free lunch afterall.
And how dare you make a suggestible pregnant woman crave donuts like that! Cruel, truly. Then again, I suppose foods eaten while pregnant also count as foods with no calories.
Posted by: The Model | June 06, 2007 at 11:46 PM
Dean is actually a friend of mine and I ran across this posting because I'm looking to reconnect with him. There are lots of referrences to "Dean Fernandez" on google but after reading this post, there is only one "Dean" that would say that about donuts!!
Any chance you have contact info for him? I lost him after he moved back to HI...
Posted by: Mark | June 10, 2007 at 09:40 PM