Confusing Strong Emotions

Mr. Poppins once told me that it is commonly held among many men that women confuse strong emotions. I was shocked. What did this mean?

Mr. Poppins was kind enough to explain. He said that most men believe that if you can get a woman to emote in your direction, any emotion at all--fear, loathing, amusement, or even raw hatred will do--then the man is halfway to convincing the woman that she is in love with him.

Oh, really?

Apparently so, because I started to catalogue the boys I went to elementary school with and found that, yes, many boys likely believe this little truism. After all, chasing girls with worms, pulling pigtails, and dribbling milk out of one's nose can only be a desperate cry for attention. And how many little girls don't secretly harbor crushes on at least one of the boys who torment them? Pretty much all of them, including Diosa by her own admission, and I'm not sure that is much of an exagerration.

Now this little trick of hate equals love doesn't work all of the time. But let's consider any story by Jane Austen or the plot to, say, any given romantic comedy. Let's consider it. And now let's forget about it.

I think that the ultimate sign of romantic maturity, and by romantic I mean coital relationship, is giving up this confusion for a more streamlined approach. For example, if you feel you abhor a particular person, absolutely revile them, then go with that. Do not analyze it, do not complicate it, and for Hank's sake, do not transform it into something beautiful.

Just go with that initial feeling and if at all possible, end the aquaintance before you end up married.

I was watching The Departed with Mr. Poppins not so very long ago, and I have to say that despite all the deception and violence, the thing that stuck with me was the scene between Billy Costigan and Madylon Madden (gotta love that name; Ophelia, anyone?). Well, these two have pretty close to a screaming match with Madolyn taking the brunt of it, the f*bomb going off left and right, enough insults for a tribe of ex-girlfriends, and then he asks her to coffee and (wait for it) she accepts. She freaking accepts.

And you know what else? I bought it. Seriously.

So now I'm here telling you the most most important thing I ever learned about love:

Love feels like love.

Love is not always exciting, love is not always intoxicating, love sometimes forgets to take out the garbage, but at the end of the day, love feels like love. As in: affection, warm regard, fondness, dedication, caring, devotion, adoration, and a reciprocal and overwhelming concern for the other person's well being and happiness.

I don't want to put too fine a point on it, people, but in the blooming romantic metaphors of love, I think we've confused the roses and thorns with the actual plant that is the rose bush, roots, branches, leaves and all. There's a lot more to it than pink and pretty or sharp and hurtful. Actually, those characteristics are the least of it really. Now, I'm not planning on extending this metaphor too much further, but thorns can continue to be thorns without water and care, but the flower is a goner if the actual plant isn't properly cared for.

Okay, honestly, I can't recall having ever read this particular metaphor taken so very far, and probably for good cause, but I am in love, folks, and people in love do foolish things. People in love, who are celebrating a wedding anniversary and have already lined up a babysitter and a dinner reservation, well, they write long posts to make the time go by.

Mr. Poppins and I are celebrating five glorious years today and, I am proud to say, it has always felt like love. Sweet, uncomplicated, confusion-free love.

Comments

[Ramblin' Jack]

Back at'cha, Ms. Poppins.

[Liz]

Happy 5 years, Poppins's!

[Bookgirl]

Congrats, guys! And they said it would never last. Wait. That might have been just me... (Kidding. I swear.)

[Equipoise]

Congratulations on 5 years! That was a very sweet post.

[Diosa]

Yeah, luckily I got over that before it had a chance to go anywhere and stuck with the geeks after that.

Happy Anniversary! Hope your night out was calm, romantic and only fraught with all the right tension.

[LizB]

Hope you had a great anniversary. After 19 years, love still feels like love, here too. Yes, there are sometimes a few thorns, but thankfully, those are few and far between.

[Polly Poppins]

Ah, young love. We are still recovering from our celebration of love. I, certainly, could use a little more sleep and a little less sleepy.

Thanks for all the anniversary wishes, dear friends. I like you, too.

[Ichimonji10]

Yay, love and emotions and happiness and stuff. I'm happy for you, really. And I do think you're right, love is straightforward.

[Chris]

Congratulations.

Now on to the subject on hand, I believe your confusing attraction with love. Teasing, flirting, joking, making fun of, are all natural parts of human mating for many evolutionary reasons that such authors as Geoffrey Miller discuss. Although I believe in your emotional bliss, happiness is a great thing, your particular line of thought as well as metaphor for love to roses is at lack. The reason being that love and attraction are very different, one is for finding a life long mate, the other for finding a sperm donor.

[Diosa]

Chris, I could go on and on with that comment. I don't entirely disagree with you. Love and attraction may be two different things, but you can't have a marriage or long term love relationship with someone if there isn't a strong attraction. Not unless you both don't care about sex, and I don't know too many couples who fall into that category.

And Polly may explain this herself, but I don't see her metaphor being about physical attraction. It's about nurturing all the aspects of your relationship.

[Polly Poppins]

Chris, I think my post speaks for itself and, of course, Diosa clarifies it nicely (thanks, Diosa). I'm not confused.