If You Belonged Here

All the World's a Stage

Life is often compared to a drama--it's an easy comparison to make. The coming and going of characters, the suspense as each day's plot unfolds, the lines we hear spoken, and the acts performed: you could say we live each day on stage. There are even genres to the stories--office comedies and after-school specials, sometimes even a mystery or romance. And the star of each daily episode is...you! That's what makes life's drama so fascinating and endlessly varied--every cast member in every scene, every extra on the street, is the star of his or her own story in a plot that gets more complex every day. Even the simplest exchange between two people can have infinite implications as the drama plays out. Maybe that's why, despite the same old characters and story lines, we can never seem to get enough. In this next scenario the curtain is up, the crowd is waiting, and the spotlight is on you.

1. You are a member of a theater group. What type of play do you most want to act in? In the play, what do you picture as your big scene? Explain in detail.

2. You audition for the part and are chosen from among all your fellow performers for the starring role. What words does your main rival have for you on being chosen?

3. At the last dress rehearsal before opening night, you see the director sitting with his arms crossed in front of him. He looks dissatisfied with the performance. What is it he doesn't like?

4. The performance goes off without a hitch, and the play was a huge success. The crowd has gone home happy after the encore and the theater is quiet. What do you say to the empty hall as you stand there looking out from the darkened stage? (171-172)

Okay, I'm going to have to go with a classic comedy, something fun and entertaining, for the play. Maybe I could be Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream and give his final monologue. Something that addresses the audience directly appeals to me, also the elaborate costumes and fantastic premises are what I go to the theater for. My rival is happy for me and thinks the part went to the better player. The director doesn't like the lighting and he's got an easy fix that he's about to put in place, so his frown will soon turn upside down. And once the performance is over I thank the empty hall, just a nice simple: thank you, this has been wonderful, and I can't wait to do it all again tomorrow.

Now let's look at the key.

DISC

Liz Factor sent me a personality test in the mail the other day--it wasn't even my birthday--and she was pretty sure I was going to need help.So Mr. Liz CHamel called me the other night, at his wife's request I'm sure.

Now, I've never heard of DISC until very recently, but then my sister-in-law (aka, esfp) asked me about it, and Factor sent me a nifty DISC test book containing a matrix and instructions that would rival anything that NASA could put together.

The universe conspired to put DISC squarely on my radar.

There was only one thing to do: RTFM.

And Factor was right, it was pretty complicated. But I perservered and got some results, narrowed my questions, and put on my best phone voice. CHamel used to administor DISC professionally, by which I might mean for professionals or for money or both, I'm not really sure. But in any case, the man knows his stuff.

I'm going to paraphrase, and probably get it all wrong, and if CHamel is reading this, he can correct me in the comments, but DISC is not just another version of MBTI. DISC is about behavior, modifiable behavior (who knew behavior could be modified), not core psychological structure. Now sure some of our behavior has to do with our core personality but there's at least as much nurture as nature going on with behavior, so we can, well, nurture away and encourage growth in other areas.

The closest I've seen to this in MBTI are a couple of workbooks, the previously reviewed Facets of Type and Multiple Intelligences & Personlity Type, but they are different. Maybe the differences are subtle, but they are definitely there.

For instance, while Mr. Poppins and I are different types on MBTI, INTJ and INTP, we both type as Creative on DISC. Whereas, my brother and I both type as INTJ on MBTI, but on DISC he types as a Perfectionist. What does this mean? Well, that's where CHamel comes in with his nifty explaining powers.

DISC is all about how we get along in groups, but more importantly, it is about how we are perceived to get along in groups. That may sound like splitting hairs but, if you ask me, there's a big gap between the two notions. Because I may feel that I am efficient and you are uncooperative; however, you may feel that I am an a*shole and you are just avoiding a conflict.

Perception is reality.

DISC provides me with the tools I need to change your perception of me and for me to change my perception of you. Sounds like MBTI all over again? Not really. You see, MBTI leaves the individual to extropolate all of the possibilities, DISC spells it out. MBTI says this is who you are. DISC says this is how you are right now and how you can improve.

Of course, some MBTI materials go there. But DISC goes there different. It matters to me because this personality stuff is big and unweildy and, as Diosa is apt to point out, sixteen types for over six billion of myriad culture, environment, and education, has to be a little oversimplified.

I would add that all of those types would be heavily influenced by the types who raised them. An introvert raised by extroverts is going to feel differently about her place in the world than an introvert raised by introverts and if the larger culture values extroversion (United States) or introversion (Switzerland), there's going to be heavy influence there, too. Those influences won't change your MBTI type, but they sure as heck will change your DISC type.

Mixing people is like mixing chemicals and while MBTI is the study of the individual chemicals, DISC is the study of the compounds.

So let's talk more about me, the Creative Pattern:

Persons with the Creative Pattern display opposing forces in their behavior. Their desire for tangible results is counterbalanced by an equally strong drive for perfection, and their aggressiveness is tempered by sensitivity. Although they think and react quickly, they are restrained by the wish to explore all possible solutions before making a decision.

Creative persons exhibit foresight when focusing on projects, and they bring about change. Since individuals with a Creative Pattern have a drive for perfection and demonstrate considerable planning ability, the changes they make are likely to be sound, but the method they choose may lack attention to interpersonal relationships.

Creative persons want freedom to explore, and they want the authority to examine and retest findings. They can make daily decisions quickly but may be extremely cautious when making bigger decisions: "Should I accept that promotion?" "Should I move to another location?" In their drive for results and perfection, Creative persons may not be concerned about social poise. As a result, they may be cool, aloof, or blunt. (DISC Classic, p. 15)

Apparently there's more to it than just that, and CHamel is going to send me a detailed profile for the Creative Pattern just as soon as he gets around to it. (By the way, CHamel, Mr. Poppins tested Investigator on his weak points.) Once that happens, I'll probably try to change my type, although maybe not. I'm getting used to my weak point being that I have the emotional sensitivity of the Borg.

Actually, as an INTJ, I find it hard to find the censure in words such as aloof. But that's just me.

In the meantime, it's nice to know that if I ever run out of books on MBTI, I've got DISC to turn to.

Thanks, Liz. And thank, CHamel. You guys are great.

Guilt Is Not a Garden

Anyone watching the news or reading this blog will know that there were major wildfires in California this past week. Actually, anyone looking out my back windows would know that without watching the news or reading this blog. There was a lot of fire, people. There still is, really.

Just not here.

Which is why I feel relieved, completely relieved. When I told my mom that, she asked me:

Do you feel guilty because you're fine and so many other people aren't?

Nope. Not even a little bit.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that somehow they deserved what they got or that I deserved not to get it. I don't think it was karma, Hank, or the universe. I don't think I should be glib. But I also can't bring myself to feel guilty.

The fire moved quickly, upredictably, fiercely. Okay... I got that. But I didn't start it. I didn't stop it. And I sure didn't give it directions to anyone else's house. The fire was a force outside of me. I am relieved it chose to stay that way. I am relieved I am safe and comfortable in my own home. I am willing to extend an invitation of said safety and comfort to any friends or family members that may need it. I am happy to donate money, blood, and time.

I can even see how it would suck to have one's house burn down. Heck, I spent all day last Tuesday imagining how much it would suck. In case you were wondering: a lot. But I don't feel guilty.

No more than I would feel resentful if my house burned down and yours didn't. Unless the fire was your fault. And then I'd feel resentful enough to feel justified in asking you to camp out on your floor while I slept in your bed. But that didn't happen. And you shouldn't feel guilty.

The idea of guilt for circumstances that I have nothing to do with just strikes me as, well, this might surprise you, incredibly self-important. Like, yeah, right, The Secret is true, I really am the author of the universe. Much as I sometimes would like to believe that, not so much.

At the very least, I'm not the author of anyone else's corner of the universe.

Mostly, though, I think my lack of guilt springs from my very Candide attitude: cultivate your own garden.

Now those of you unfamiliar with Candide might think that cultivating one's own garden is selfish. I say read the book. Cultivating your own garden means taking care of what you can, where you can, how you can. And so I try to never walk by a piece of litter in easy reach, when I can pick it up and throw it away. I try to give away what I don't need or use so that it can be useful somewhere else. And when someone crosses my path who needs something I have to give, I give it.

But I don't borrow trouble. I don't take responsibility for anyone's actions but my own. And I don't feel guilty over my own good fortune.

But that doesn't stop me from wanting to be helpful. Actually, the fire divided the county into two parts for me: people who need help and people who are in a position to give help. I don't need help, therefore I am in a position to give help. Not guilty help, just helpful help.

But really, is there a better kind?