Cleaning Out My Closet(s)

Well.

Some of you were a little horrified to hear that I began decorating for Christmas the day after Halloween, or thereabouts, as if I were Nordstroms. I understand it was early. I'm sure you were wondering if I didn't set a up a guy playing piano at the foot of my stairs.

I considered it for the party but then, not so much.

But early come, early go and, again, like Nordstroms, I have moved on from Christmas. The decorations were packed and put away before dinner on Wednesday. Because, hey, when it's over, it's over. I'm not going to put up Valentine's decorations, though, nor Easter (that's punny if you don't live in the North East and aren't post-holing it through snow up to your whoopsy), so you can all breathe easy for another year.

I wish I could say the same for me. A wild hair always gets stuck in my craw about this time of year. Maybe it's wrestling all the stuff back under the stairs, up to my whoopsy in vacuum hoses and discarded baby gear, but I just want to get rid of stuff. This year it started with the Christmas decorations that didn't make the cut when it came to decking the halls.

If only it had stopped there. Of course, it didn't. I cleaned out the entire closet, discarded baby gear and all. I'd have kept it if I were having any more children, but I'm not, so there it goes. And suddenly, I was on a roll.

I moved on to the pantry. Then the cabinets (all way-too-many of them), drawers, and cubbies. At which point, I marched upstairs and cleared Secret Lulu's closet, the guest room closet, my office closet, and the linen closet.

Was that enough fun for one day? No, it was enough fun for three days: Wednesday, Thursday, and (today) Friday. I've got so much stuff piled into the garage that it looks like maybe Mr. Poppins came to a tragic end and now I'm unloading all of his stuff. Only, he didn't and I'm not.

Seriously.

I'm getting re-organized now. Scooting plastic bins of ranging sizes, from shoebox to packing crate, up and down stairs until I achieve organizational nirvana.

I can feel it coming on now.

No. Wait. I think it's the stigmata.

I've been expecting the stigmata.

Any time now.

And I'm still waiting. So while we wait, let's continue this monologue about how organized I am and how I've just taken it to the tweaker level. You know the level: the one where I dig out and launder my original Cabbage Patch Kid. Twice.

So there it is, all kinds of crazy. But the really crazy part is where I unearth the Ghosts of Ambitions Past. INTJs are infamous for deciding that a thing must be learned, mastered, and perfected only to forget about said thing when the as soon as a new YOU book comes out. And they come out all the time, people.

If only I could let these ambitions go. Alas, I cannot. I will learn to sew like a professional seamstress. I will write at least one honest-to-goodness, break-out-the-fine-stationery letter a week. I will learn to jump rope like Muhammad Ali. I will, well, I don't know what I'll do but I'm sure there's a book for it and I probably already own that book.

Ooops. Mr. Poppins just informed me that it's past my bed time.

Goodnight, sweet friends. We'll continue this conversation later. Right after I learn to sew.

Comments

[The Dol]

I'm just thinking about all the dust accumulating in my cabinets, but I don't have the drive to deal with it like you do. Every once in a while I'll get the urge to clean out a closet, but no one does spring cleaning like Polly.

Seriously, you could start a business. You could be one of those people that helps other people organize their houses and lives. You would be stellar.

[Liz]

Oh, Poppins, I do the EXACT same thing. I make it abundantly clear to each and every member of the LFactor household that there will be no Christmas unless we throw out/ give away enough to accommodate the new things. Oh, that and Jesus, there would be no Christmas without him, either.

The problem is that Mr Liz gets really angry if I get rid of any of his things, he likes to save. I don't have any things that I don't need or use, though, so I can't throw out my own things.

What he doesn't know is that when he gos out of town for work, I clean out - and he never notices. Shady, I know, but a girl can't let all that crazy swell up inside her without any release now can she? No, no she can't.

[Polly Poppins]

Dol, Mr. Poppins says the same thing. Remember when I did our geek friend's room? That was way before Clean Sweep but I had no idea I was starting a revolution.

Liz, I have a similar system. I move stuff out of sight to the laundry room cabinets and if no one notices it's gone after a while, I chuck it.

[Ramblin' Jack]

Note to self: check laundry room cabinets.

[The Dol]

Busted!

[Polly Poppins]

Ramblin' Jack, like you even know where the laundry room is....

Dol, he has to find his way to the laundry room first.

[Bookgirl]

I will bet cash money that I've done laundry at your house at least as many times as Jack has. Cash. Money.

[Polly Poppins]

Bookgirl, bet high because the odds are strongly in your favor.

[Value wIT]

Do all Nordstroms have piano players at the bottom of the escalators? I thought my Nordstrom's was special.

[The Model]

Captain Armani did a Clean Sweep when he first moved in with me. Nothing like having your new boyfriend show his love by taking 50 pounds of your dirty laundry (literally) to Fluff-N-Fold and coming back with it all folded and wrapped neatly in brown paper. Then after taking eight or so big garbage bags of stuff to Goodwill and around the same amount of trash to the dumpster, we redecorated. He's like Polly and purges the house pretty regularly to get rid of anything unncessary. Then he rearranges the furniture.

And Polly, I hardly ever have any piles of clean laundry that need folding anymore. Astonishing, I know.

[Polly Poppins]

Bitsy, forget the man behind the curtain, your Nordstroms is the special fanciest of all....

Model, I knew you must have been busy doing something, I haven't heard from you this week.