I'm not going to give you the details, although some of you already know them. But for the last couple of weeks I've been in crisis mode and just about falling apart. Or maybe I actually fell apart.
In any case, I was having a hard time and on top of that Secret Lulu had, and maybe still has, a stomach virus, which doesn't lend itself well to posting. Now it's time for me to find my way back to the conversation, but it might take awhile. Just know that I'm doing my best.
And now that we've cleared up my excuse for the past seven to ten days, I should mention that before that, well, I was hip-wading with our friend, let's call her Darling, below about whether or not I'm actually an INTJ or an INFJ. Darling spent a very lot of time and a very lot of logic and a very lot of email doing her level best to convince me that deep down I'm really an F. Actually, Darling doesn't seem to think it's so very deep down, only that I am willfully blind to my own F tendencies.
There may be something to this argument. It all depends on how we size it up. For instance, if one revisits my childhood, I certainly showed the distinctly F tendency of becoming violently ill in the face of conflict, any conflict: real, perceived, or even hypothetical. Also, I was far more interested in rainbows and unicorns than in deconstructing my record player. Seriously, I needed that thing to spin my Carpenter's "Close to You" 45--over and well, you get the idea. On top of that, I loved books, they were my friends. My really, truly friends. I still own all my favorites, and not one of them is non-fiction, science fiction, or reality based.
Still none of this convinces me. Because I still relate far more to the INTJ than the INFJ description. Although, for the sake of full disclosure, I will admit, I found the INFJ profile far more accurate to me when I stopped correlating all of the personality points to the Dol without ever once checking to see how they fit me. I would have to say that both INFJ and INTJ are eerily accurate about me in a way that the other descriptions clearly are not.
But the one bit of news that had me rethinking my views about modern-day Polly was this: INFJs can be exceedingly selective about who they invest in emotionally. I invest in very few people. But if I go back and answer the MBTI (cheap, free, not quite reliable, but neither is the real thing) test with only my favorite people in mind, I am very F. Deeply F. But then, isn't that true of INTJs when it comes to their friends? Hyper-sensitive and determined to establish good communication? Or is that INFJs? Oh, Hank, I'm confused.
So this is what I've decided: I'm going to assume I switch hit for a while. I'm going to play at being INFJ and see how it goes. Try on the type, and see if it fits, and if it does, well, Dol might have to be an INFP for awhile, or we'll have to share a type, although quite frankly, I'm not sure we really do. But remember, there are billions of people on the planet, millions of families, thousands of cultures, hundreds of religions (please realize I'm making this up as I go along and really don't care how many people, families, cultures, and religions there are) and all of those influences play a force in how our personalities express themselves. And there are infinite shades of gray between one extreme of type and another.
I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm rambling but there's a crick in my neck and, hey, at least I'm back on the map here, and it is 1:00 in the morning after all, so what would you expect?
Long story short, I'm going to create a new category devoted to the idea that maybe I'm a secret F. Kind of a "how would I feel if I acknowledged that I have feelings" category. Bookgirl will probably have to stab herself in the eye with a fork to relieve the boredom, but I promise, it won't be the only thing I write about. I've got a couple of posts languishing in the hopper as we...well, do whatever it is we're doing here.




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