If You Belonged Here

INFJ, Maybe?

I'm not going to give you the details, although some of you already know them. But for the last couple of weeks I've been in crisis mode and just about falling apart. Or maybe I actually fell apart.

In any case, I was having a hard time and on top of that Secret Lulu had, and maybe still has, a stomach virus, which doesn't lend itself well to posting. Now it's time for me to find my way back to the conversation, but it might take awhile. Just know that I'm doing my best.

And now that we've cleared up my excuse for the past seven to ten days, I should mention that before that, well, I was hip-wading with our friend, let's call her Darling, below about whether or not I'm actually an INTJ or an INFJ. Darling spent a very lot of time and a very lot of logic and a very lot of email doing her level best to convince me that deep down I'm really an F. Actually, Darling doesn't seem to think it's so very deep down, only that I am willfully blind to my own F tendencies.

There may be something to this argument. It all depends on how we size it up. For instance, if one revisits my childhood, I certainly showed the distinctly F tendency of becoming violently ill in the face of conflict, any conflict: real, perceived, or even hypothetical. Also, I was far more interested in rainbows and unicorns than in deconstructing my record player. Seriously, I needed that thing to spin my Carpenter's "Close to You" 45--over and well, you get the idea. On top of that, I loved books, they were my friends. My really, truly friends. I still own all my favorites, and not one of them is non-fiction, science fiction, or reality based.

Still none of this convinces me. Because I still relate far more to the INTJ than the INFJ description. Although, for the sake of full disclosure, I will admit, I found the INFJ profile far more accurate to me when I stopped correlating all of the personality points to the Dol without ever once checking to see how they fit me. I would have to say that both INFJ and INTJ are eerily accurate about me in a way that the other descriptions clearly are not.

But the one bit of news that had me rethinking my views about modern-day Polly was this: INFJs can be exceedingly selective about who they invest in emotionally. I invest in very few people. But if I go back and answer the MBTI (cheap, free, not quite reliable, but neither is the real thing) test with only my favorite people in mind, I am very F. Deeply F. But then, isn't that true of INTJs when it comes to their friends? Hyper-sensitive and determined to establish good communication? Or is that INFJs? Oh, Hank, I'm confused.

So this is what I've decided: I'm going to assume I switch hit for a while. I'm going to play at being INFJ and see how it goes. Try on the type, and see if it fits, and if it does, well, Dol might have to be an INFP for awhile, or we'll have to share a type, although quite frankly, I'm not sure we really do. But remember, there are billions of people on the planet, millions of families, thousands of cultures, hundreds of religions (please realize I'm making this up as I go along and really don't care how many people, families, cultures, and religions there are) and all of those influences play a force in how our personalities express themselves. And there are infinite shades of gray between one extreme of type and another.

I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm rambling but there's a crick in my neck and, hey, at least I'm back on the map here, and it is 1:00 in the morning after all, so what would you expect?

Long story short, I'm going to create a new category devoted to the idea that maybe I'm a secret F. Kind of a "how would I feel if I acknowledged that I have feelings" category. Bookgirl will probably have to stab herself in the eye with a fork to relieve the boredom, but I promise, it won't be the only thing I write about. I've got a couple of posts languishing in the hopper as we...well, do whatever it is we're doing here.

The Skin Type Solution (Revisited)

Last August, you might remember, I bought the very last copy of The Skin Type Solution by Leslie Baumann, M.D., read it it the very first night I brought it home, and decided that it was the MBTI for skin.

I type as OSPW, which is oily, sensitive, pigmented, and wrinkled. After a week of following Baumann's advice, I was quite happy with my progress. Now, five months later and given all the beauty talk going on around here, I figured it was time to give you an update.

Ultimately, I ditched the sunscreen because it was still too irritating for my skin. I am pleased to say that mineral makeup fills the sunscreen deficit nicely but up until recently I was just going commando under my makeup. I'm not proud of it, but I wasn't breaking out from it either.

I never took a shine (pun intended) to the anti-acne pressed powder by Neutrogena. I just didn't like the feel of it on my face and when I lately tossed it in the trash it was still relatively untouched. I also tossed the Aveeno anti-wrinkle moisturizer, which was still about half full, because it stung when I put it on my skin, something I attribute to the perfume.

But enough about what I didn't like, let's talk about what's working. I love Olay Regenerist Serum; it goes on smooth and velvety, absorbs almost instantly, and is never greasy. I also like Skin Effects, which lightens and brightens. It hasn't completely cured the post-blemish hyperpigmentation but things are overall improved, new blemishes are less likely to spot, and spots are smaller and fade faster when they appear. Of course, I don't use it regularly for some reason, so I haven't earned any miracles. The Pond's Eye Cream is nice enough but, plainly speaking, I'm lazy and cheap and would rather just use Regenerist and Skin Effects since they are both appropriate for the eye area.

The Neutrogena Oil-Free Acne wash is good. I'm certainly breaking out a lot less, although until the mineral makeup came on the scene, my chin area was still a problem, just not as big of a problem as it was before the face wash. I still use and prefer the feel of Olay Daily Facials, though, and if the recent changes I've made to diet, supplements, and makeup result in continuing improvements, I could see myself eliminating the Neutrogena wash altogether.

I'm keeping the Neutrogena On-the-Spot Acne treatment, though. I've learned to truly just dab it on the spot and it works wonders at drying up icky pimples before they gain a foothold, which leads to less picking (gross but true), which in turn leads to a reduction in post-blemish souvenirs.

I would say that by using Baumann's drugstore recommendations, I have solved about 75% of my skin problems without resorting to the recommendations for more expensive and intensive in-office dermatologist treatments, such as laser and blue light, or getting a prescription.

I could have continued to experiment with the myriad over-the-counter products recommended for my type, but I didn't. I've been operating on the assumption that switching products on a weekly or monthly basis wasn't what Baumann had in mind when she presented all of those choices. But if I do make any more changes, Olay Regenerist will probably get more of my money. The more I use it and the more I learn about it, the more impressed I am with the quality and the results.

I'm curious to see how the new changes I'm making will ultimately couple with Baumann's recommendations. I'm hoping for perfection, of course, because I don't think it's fair that Bookgirl has all the fun.

I'll let you know.

A Question of Type

A few days ago, I received the following email, about my favorite topic: my personality type. I have to admit this messenger touched on some interesting points. Of course, I found them interesting because they were about me, but I was wondering what you all think.

Now I want to be clear, while I may or may not agree with the bottom-line conclusion, I like this email. I think writer's approach is well thought out and her tone is respectful and she deserves to have that thoughtfulness and tone returned in kind. Not that you would do anything else, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm not looking for allies, just input and your point of view.

I have already written a lengthy reply, but I'm going to withhold it until I hear from you. So, let's have it from both my virtual and my in-real-life friends: am I a secret *F*?

My darling Polly,

It's none of my business..... AND.... I would like to talk to you about this anyway. I won't stall from getting to the heart of it, though I would much rather use a "soft" start-up since it's a difficult topic to discuss, and most people are really offended at being challenged about this.

Here goes:

The "vibe" I'm getting over here is that perhaps INFJ is a better fit for you than INTJ.

Is it okay to have this edgy conversation with you? God knows the internet is about the worst way to type anybody, and yet... I wonder.

Just so you know: I have INFJ preferences myself and am married to an INTJ. We are both MBTI qualified and have loads of experience. I don't say this to brag, but to provide you with a little context. AND I'm also very clear that the only person who can say what your real type is, is *you*. So that's why I feel I can ask you such edgy questions -- because I know that, on the other side, you have the final vote. You may rest in reassurance about that.

Now, let me give you some of the reasons why I wonder about the "fit" of your type code. One of the reasons I wonder about your preferences being for INFJ is that you seem somewhat passionate and emotional -- either on your blog, or self-described.

Back in Hippocrates' times, using the model called "Humours," there was a group of people that were labeled "phlegmatic." In these modern times, David Keirsey calls them the "Rationals." They have "NT" in their type code (i.e., INTJ). There was another group back then called the "choleric." Keirsey now calls them the "Idealists." They have "NF" in their type code (i.e., INFJ).

Soooo... being married to an INTJ, I can assure you that he is rarely emotional. He has to be in a Great Deal of pain before he expresses emotion. In fact, he has a lot in common with Spock.

I, on the other hand, seem like a bloody drama queen in comparison. I am very "choleric" -- a friend even used to call me "Old Faithful," because she could count on my "blowing up" on a regular basis.

So... one of the first things I noticed in your self-description was how you call yourself "cranky." Hmmm... that doesn't seem to fit the "phlegmatic" temperament very well. (I assume you know what all these terms mean.)

Now.... as to having INFJ preferences. Let me describe the nightmare of that. First of all, I have met MYRIADS of people who are mis-typed, through one means or another. And INFJ seems like one of the most "messed-up" type codes in that respect that there is.

For example, my girlfriend has INFJ preferences, but she *tests* as INTJ on the official MBTI. Someone else I know is a professional trainer of the MBTI who *tests* as INTJ unless she skips 3 questions (she even knows which questions they are!). On certain days, I can get an "INTJ" outcome myself. It seems to be very common.

In like fashion, I have also met BARRELS of people (usually online) who claim to have INFJ preferences (the supposedly "rarest" type), and probably 3 out of every 4 of them has INFP preferences in actuality. (Some percentage of the others apparently have ISFP, ENFJ, ENFP, INTP, or INTJ preferences.) Loads of them flock to bulletin boards and email lists about type, and proclaim loudly how they are INFJs, and they aren't.

SO.

INFJ is a messy code if you learn about it via other people, or by what you find on the internet. My point here is, I don't know what *you* are basing your type choice on.

I often meet people who say things like, "*I* can't be an INFJ because *she's* an INFJ, and I'm nothing like her!" .... and the irony is the "she" in question is the one who is mis-typed.

It's a huge, huge muddle. Nobody can begin to make sense of it. Perhaps Carl Jung could have figured it out, but it escapes the majority of type professionals I know.

So. Have I lost you yet?

My point is, I Very Rarely Suggest to anyone that INFJ *might* be a best-fit pattern for them. I don't try to "induct" people into the "INFJ Club," and I don't suppose every other famous person or every member in my family has INFJ preferences. Those are not mistakes I typically make.

The Only Time I suggest someone might have INFJ preferences is when I really, really have reason to think so. (Meaning a reason that goes far beyond, "I like you, so you must be another INFJ!")

I mentioned earlier that David Keirsey re-named Hippocrates' original temperaments with his own name. And the book "Please Understand Me" contains a little temperament test. (I think Keirsey.com features a free temperament test too??) AND... I know of still another free temperament test located here:
http://www.notjustapaycheck.com/careerstrength.html

You might enjoy taking it.

MIND YOU, I DO NOT put much weight on TESTS. (Sheesh, even the official MBTI is right only 70% of the time according to its own manual. So if it was a horse race, I still wouldn't bet my ENTIRE bankroll on that pony.) At the end of the day, it is only through a process of learning and self-discovery that one can determine one's best-fit type pattern. It takes effort.

AND -- I'm inviting you to take another look.

I'm inviting in the most generous, positive, wanting-the-best-for-you kind of way I know.

Now.... if you haven't hit the Delete key by now and called me nasty names, please know that I'm not attached to being "right," AND... if you would like to ask me any questions to defend my premise, I'm happy to engage in conversation. (It's good for me as a type professional to be able to defend my ideas.)

Please let me know if you're willing to have a dialogue.

-A Friend

PS: By the way, INTPs and INFJs are supposed to be a match made in heaven. ;-)
PPS: For the record, my INTJ husband is verry sentimental; I'm the one who is not. And BOTH of us are messy.