Nerds:Who They Are and Why We Need More of Them

David Anderegg is on the faculty at Bennington. You know the place. The Dol and I spent a formative year there deep in the heart of No-Yes (clap, clap). Bennington was full of nerdy-geeks back then, the misfits who just took themselves and their work way too seriously to allow organized sports and fraternities anywhere near the campus.

Blue hair was allowed, though.  Cliché  even. Not so much as shaving your head entirely, but I'm going to call it anyway.

Yeah, people, you know who you are.

Anyway, Bennington put the normal in me. I gave up white-white and blackberry lipstick because, really, who needed one more goth girl? I'd rather sleep in. Anyway, The Dol and I learned the hard way that we are old-world Bennington at heart, which is to say we would have been more suited to the place if we hadn't arrived just in time for symposium of '93 (bad vintage), the school had still been exclusively women, and we were allowed to skip winter altogether in favor of summer session.

I can't count the number of times we promised each other that if it snowed one more time, we'd cash in our work study money and take our chances in Mexico. Turns out, we almost did it, since I can see the Tijuana lights from here. Or is that the prison? I get confused.

Anyway, we were talking about Andy (don't worry, Professor Anderegg gave me permission to call him that, sort of). Andy is a psychologist, which is to say he pays attention to people: what they do, why they do it, how they feel about it. You get the picture.

(By the way, credit goes to Bookgirl for sending me this book because she knows that if a book is about nerds/geeks, nuns, penises, nutrition, or anything like that, I'm all in).

Okay, back to the nerds.

Andy started studying middle-schoolers at some point and through his observations began to distinguish the pops (popular kids), nerds, and ordinaries (that last is my word), and what basically made someone one or the other. Now to be clear, Andy doesn't personally distinguish between nerds and geeks, although you all know that I do. For him nerds and geeks are interchangeable, for me, they're completely different types with little more than IQ scores in common.

Nerds will tend toward SJ types. Geeks will be NTs and, sometimes, NF types, although I suspect many NF types are counted among the "babies" because they tend to have a very rich inner fantasy life and, in some ways, bloom a little later than even the average late-bloomer emotionally.

Smart SJs are good candidates for nerds because they care about the rules and pleasing adults way more than NT geeks do. Teachers usually love nerds because of their willingness to please and conform. Geeks are harder to get around because they only apply themselves when they decide to for their own reasons, and so often, they are spotty achievers, but unabashedly competent when they choose to be. Both groups are usually pretty darn smart, though, and the other kids, especially the ordinaries, seem to know it. The pops don't care too much one way or the other, mostly, so far as I can tell because they are too busy scoring touchdowns and making out.

Anyway, that's just linguistics according to Polly.  Like I said, Andy doesn't get that far into word splicing, and he certainly doesn't use the MBTI, because it's not his point. His point is that the United States is just about the only country on the planet where being smart is not necessarily a good thing. You see, we've got an extra-heavy dose of boot-strapping SP types and they don't typically like too much thinking, they'd rather be doing. And, of course, the SJs just want everyone to follow the rules and, well, the box is there for a reason, people, so stop thinking outside of it.

Seriously, stop. It makes them nervous.

The rules used to be skewed in favor of people who were handy, who could fix their own cars, grow their own food, and make their own clothes. Book learnin' didn't mean too much if you didn't have practical, hands-on skills. What mattered was  learning what your mama and papa taught you, and honoring family, Hank, & country, although not necessarily in that order.

People were meant to grow up and by grow up I mean learn to fix their own plumbing, get married,  have a bunch of kids, and become deacons in the church. None of this free-thinking, new-fangled ideas, and daydreaming. Nope, not unless you're flighty, fickle, or just plain foolish.

Sweet Pete, I love consonation.

So imagine the chagrin when these SJs and SPs wake up to realize that the geeks have inherited the earth, because they were able to use virtual reality to make real world reality more real. Well, that's just plain wrong. And as Andy tells it, the very fact that the geeks and nerds are going to inherit the, well, if not the earth, then the money, is reason enough for non-geeks to feel okay about making their lives hell until their paychecks come in.

Anyone who's ever been to middle school remembers the hazing that goes on there. Worse three years of my life, and most kids would do anything to avoid bringing on the vengeance of the mob (aka, the vengeance of that one really mean girl who dictates to the mob). This is where Andy gets my heart beating and my hands sweating. You see plenty of kids are smart enough to be "nerds" and quite a few kids have interests that would get them labeled as "geeks" but, there aren't that many NT types to refuse to conform, or even SJ types so enamored of pleasing their teachers that they'd risk the acceptance of their peers. Anything nerdy or geeky gets abandoned, and potentially great minds dumb themselves into what they believe to be averageness because even their parents would rather see them average a B- in math and science then be labeled a nerd, geek, or a suck-up. By the time they wake up, they are too far behind in math and science to do anything but manage an American Eagle.

Whoa.

And that's just the beginning, because far be it from anyone in this country to  stand accountable for not studying. I mean, studying wouldn't have been enough anyway.

Nope.

The geeks and nerds were born smart, they didn't earn it, right, so they're either somehow cheating or showing off and therefore they deserve it when kids pick on them. No one want to be that kid and no one wants to be that kid's parents.

Okay, so most of us here want to be that kids parents, but you know the other parents think you're an arrogant jerk anyway so what have you got to lose?

Wait, Andy has something to say about that, too. Remember in Darth Dateable when I said that your geek was the one who needed little more than a Queer Eye makeover to make him luscious and lustworthy? Well, Andy agrees. So even if you believe wholeheartedly in non-conformity, help your kids out with some contact lenses and a pair of decent jeans for Hank's sake.

What's the sense of building character if the foundation it rests on is  mangled self-esteem?

Seriously, if all that teasing doesn't mangle your self-esteem, something must be wrong with you. Like maybe you have Aspergers, or some other smart person's disease. Because being really smart, well, that's just pathological. At least, as Andy points out, it is in this country. As in, we should medicate you and get you fixed.

You all know how bitter I can get, what with Unnecessary Autism Scare 2008 so fresh in my tender memory. But, seriously. Seriously. Yeah, my kid is fine, and even if it turns out she is on the wide end of the autism spectrum (and who worth knowing, isn't?), she's still fine. Because as Andy points out, liking to jump on trampolines is not a disorder. So let's all go back to trying to cure The Gay and get off the smart kids already.

Or is being smart gay? Well, now we really don't want our kids to be nerds. Big Gay Donut-Head Nerds.

Yeah, I said it. And the SPs are probably the ones getting the ADHD diagnosis, so let's try a little harder to be perfectly ordinary, people.

Which brings us to the part where Andy wrote another book a while back about parenting in the age of anxiety. All Mr. Poppins had to see was the title. I believe his words were "that'd be a good book for you."

So there's a lot to think about.  At least one whole book's worth. And those of you who are too grown up for vampire stories, well, this one might be for you. But I warn you, get your mouth guard out, because good ol' Andy's insights are bound to have you grinding your teeth in your sleep.

What? Am I the only one who sleeps with a mouthguard?

Comments

[J]

this hits particularly close to home...

My eldest is gifted, seriously gifted. If we were homeschooling we'd be doing a 5th-6th grade curriculum, at least. He starts grade 1 in September and is amongst the youngest with an April birthday.

We are very conscious of making sure he feels included and fits in but also that he embraces his smarts and makes the most of the brain he's been given.

For the time being its easy, but I fully expect more difficulty as time progresses.

That said, he's already in karate because while I like that it teaches discipline and self respect, lets be frank, wouldn't it be great to be able to kick the ass of anyone who tries to mess with you? ;)

[The Dol]

J, your kid sounds like my favorite kind! I adore the smart ones.

My mom was the kind of gifted that got you skipped ahead a couple of grades (they don't do that so much anymore, because it is socially so hard on kids). I think it was a lonely childhood for her, in part because she was so smart and then also socially not in the same place as the kids in her class. Her parents weren't sensitive to this like you are.

Polly, does the book talk about friendships and how they shape social structures like geekdom/nerddom? I was definitely a geek (maybe a little nerdy, too), but it was friendships with "cooler" people that gave me some of The Cool, too, without requiring me to give up being smart and bookish.

And I married a former orchestra geek. I loves me some geeks.

[Polly Poppins]

Dol, actually, the book does talk about a lot about social structure, and how some smart kids are able to avoid nerd and geek labels (contact lenses and decent jeans) while others are not. I think you'd like it.

[J]

Dol, you're welcome to babysit in PA any time. It can be exhausting keeping up with and trying to challenge him.

*yawn*

[Lissfull]

Polly,
I have a semi well rounded geek in training. He loves all things Transformers, Dinosaurs and anything mechanical, is smart as a whip and loves sports and plays the piano very nicely. I have a 15 year nephew geek who has managed to avoid being labeled a geek, because the areas he excels in are standardized testing and music, he just about fails everything else. His music teacher has labeled him a Gifted Underachiever ...who knew there was a label for what we thought was lazy and arrogant? My younger son is an Asperger smarty pants, who unfortunately, realizes he is different, but blissfully, usually doesn't care. It's fun with a lot of smarties, but constant worry about middle school for my boys, or as I have heard it called, "The Labyrinth of Hell". They both take Tae Kwon Do, for the self discipline and self preservation skills. I am poised and ready to kill anyone who dares make fun of them, but try to stand back as much as I can at the same time. Perhaps I need to read this book.

[Polly Poppins]

Darling Lissful, I would strongly recommend this book to you. I would also give your 15 year-old nephew the MBTI because type can really give you an angle on how to motivate teenagers.

[The Model]

My mom was another one of those who was very gifted, sent to a gifted school, etc. I imagine it must have been difficult for her, and I know it's the reason she pulled me out of school in sixth grade. I don't remember myself or my other friends who were in the gifted program ever getting ridiculed for it; if anything, we were cooler for it. I guess we were probably just reaching the turning point when I left school. I know for sure my mother thinks she was doing me a solid by not exposing me to The Labyrinth of Hell, and things like this book make me think maybe she was right. I guess I'll see how it goes for my own kids to know for sure if she was right.

[Matthew]

Hi,

I just wanted to say that I think your writing is amazing and my gut hurts from laughing! You have a new fan in me and I look forward to reading more posts.

[Polly Poppins]

Model, I guess I'm not totally clear in my point: being smart or even in a gifted program does not necessarily get a kid picked on. Kids of the same IQ and in the same program will single out other kids as "nerds" for reasons that go beyond intelligence or self-application. But because intelligence is an earmark of the nerd, some kids will dumb themselves down if they feel they are in any danger of being uncool enough to pull off endearing themselves to an adult.

Matthew, you crack me up. Open admiration is always appreciated, encouraged even. Actually, I'm thinking of making it mandatory.

[Diosa]

Nice post. I really think we just need to do away with the idea of a traditional high school. It's torture for just about everyone - teachers, parents and students. Except those few lucky enough to be the prom queen or the quarterback. I think we should graduate kids from certificate programs by sixteen if that's what they want. Put them in apprenticeships or internship.

[The Model]

Polly, I probably would have gotten your point better if I had ever gone through or witnessed that sort of thing. When I was that age, I guess my friends would have fallen under your "geek" heading. Very smart/intellectual and proud of it. But we also got into a lot of trouble and were very angsty/gothy. And we thought we were SO cool.

It's interesting how much anti-intellectualism there is in this country. I see a bit of that in my classes. There is one self-professed redneck in particular in my math class who springs to mind (an SP, no doubt) who, when faced with something he doesn't understand, will loudly make a joke about math being stupid and "what were they smoking when they came up with this crap.." Drives me nuts.