Origin of Personality

So I went to this seminar a couple of weeks ago, only it wasn't what I'm used to because it lasted longer than four hours and a lunch break. Much longer. As in three full days longer. And by days, I mean from say 9 in the morning until 10 at night, which is, in my opinion, excessive.

But I was ready for excessive, so I didn't complain so much, only endured. Until finally, after my butt blisters had begun to resolve themselves into calluses, I finally had my a-ha moment and, while in retrospect this would have been reasonable, it had nothing to do with padding my chair with a pillow.

This is what happened.

The seminar leader told us that it is his (and the people who pay him to lead the seminar) opinion that personality originates in three moments:

1. Something is Wrong Here
2. I Don't Belong
3. I'm on My Own

The first moment takes place somewhere between the ages of 3-6, and it is possibly, as far as I could tell, the first moment of self-consciousness, possibly the first time you remember being embarrassed, but not necessarily. For example, someone tells a Polish joke and you realize you're Polish and that, according to the joke you must be stupid but you don't want to be stupid so in order to be not stupid, you decide that you will be smart. If personality is the Trivial Pursuit pie, this is your first piece.

The second moment is somewhere between 10-14, around puberty, and it is also probably a moment when you are feeling vulnerable. Maybe you walk up to a lunch table on your first day of middle school and are told there is no room for you, or maybe someone really cool saved you a seat. Maybe you feel rejected or like an imposter. Whatever. You are sure you don't belong because you are not cool or you listen to the wrong music or you don't know what a blow job is. So you decide you are going to find a way to belong, maybe you'll be funny or thoughtful or tough, instead of lame, clueless, and uncoordinated. This is the second piece.

The third moment is somewhere between 18-22 for most people. It's the first time you realize no one is coming to save you. If you joined the military out of high school, it is likely the moment a drill instructor screamed in your face and poked you in that tender little patch of skin that resides just over your voice box. This is the moment you have to decide how you will be in the world, which if you were in the military, is probably on time, attentive, and buttoned up as opposed to a screw up.

So the thing is there is something you are afraid of being, that you don't want to be, and then there is the strength you draw on to compensate for that other way of being. The strengths, all three of them, are your strong suits and they make up the core of your personality.

Now none of this is my a-ha, but it's getting closer. You see, strengths are only strengths when they are strengths but if you try to use them when they are not going to be useful, they become weaknesses.

Oh.

Kind of like, if you have a hammer, a screw driver, and a wrench, you can pretty much handle most household maintenance. Unless your toilet is clogged. Then you need a toilet snake, a plunger, or some detergent (see previous post). But if you insist that you can get the job done with a hammer, well, at best you're going to be frustrated.

At worst, say in a situation where the hammer doesn't work so you just hammer harder because, hey, that's your tool and It Has Worked Before. I imagine that eventually you might get through the porcelain to the problem and even dislodge it but you are going to make a mighty mess and, by the time you're finished, the clog will be sorta besides the point.

A-ha.

I get that. You see, I am organized. As in: I Am Organized. Only once, I told Mr. Poppins, I don't really know if I'm all that organized in spirit, definitely in practice, but not so much in spirit. I feel like organized is a coat I put on one day and everyone looked at me and pointed and said, "hey, look at the organized girl" and ever since then I have to be that thing or I might get caught not being that thing and people would say something like "hey, she's actually kind of a mess" and then who would I be?

Not someone I want to be.

And I am resourceful. I can really figure things out. I'm very aware that I don't know everything but I also believe that there are books and the internet for that, so if someone has done it, I can find out about it, and then I can do it. Maybe not brain surgery in a moving taxi, but then again, maybe. Depends on the books available. This is more exhausting than it sounds and actually creates a lot of problems because instead of just being able to say "I don't know" and feel relief, I say "I'll find out" and take responsibility. Even when no one expects me to.

Even when I shouldn't.

I know that's only two things but if you know me, I'm sure you have an opinion about the third. I'm not soliciting it. Actually, I'd prefer you'd keep it to yourself. But if you need a hint, well, I'm not finishing this post but usually I would because I always finish what I start.

Comments

[The Dol]

I think that's a pretty fantastic A-Ha. Now you just have to try out "I don't know," and see how it feels every once in a while. The big kicker is knowing when to use the Google and when to leave it to the universe.

I must say, more than many people I know, you have evolved since I first met you. Ok, maybe I've changed too and that may influence my perception, but you used to seem a lot weirder to me than you do now. Um, no offense. I generally think weird is good. No offense with that comment either. Ok, I'm done.

[Alice]

Your really good at writing.

[Diosa]

When we were kids, I never thought you were organized. But I knew what your bedroom floor looked like. Somewhere along the line, you started putting your clothes away. I still leave mine in piles all over the room.

[Polly Poppins]

The Dol, I feel exactly the same. Only maybe less excited about other people. Otherwise, exactly the same.

Alice, thank you.

Diosa, I didn't decide on being organized until number 3. Up until then I had very tidy drawers but a mess of a bedroom floor.

[Bookgirl]

Seriously?? You see me and Diosa, and there's no blog about it??? Seriously??