So, as you all know I had breast reduction surgery and the results are, well, that I haven't bought a single new bra. Of course, the old bras fit a lot better now, and I've maybe put on a little weight since the surgery. I can't help that, people, I'm a stress eater and, what with 2008 being 2008, I've had more than my usual workload of anxiety and worry.
Anyway.
I'm not saying that I definitely put on weight. I don't know that. I haven't used a scale since some time last January, maybe longer. And I can't remember how tight my pants were when I went in for surgery, so there you go. They aren't tight now, but that's only because I bought new pants sometime back in August. In a larger size.
Let's just let that go.
Anyway.
So I went in for a follow-up appointment and the doctor told his assistant not to bother with pictures. Now, if you've ever had plastic surgery of any kind, you know that these people like their pictures. I'm pretty certain that the only reason they follow-up at all is to get you naked so they can snap pictures for their books. Only this time my doctor told me that they also follow up because, hey, that scarring looks heavy and you might need revision surgery.
Yikes.
Now, I think this is an out-patient procedure. I probably won't get anaesthesia but, those of you who have had the anaesthesia will get this, that was my favorite part of surgery. I mean I liked it a lot. I remember it fondly, and what I don't remember, well, I remember that even more fondly.
The narcotics were okay but once I got off the antibiotics my skin looked like I had taken to washing it in pizza grease. Horrible. I'm glad it's over. Except that maybe it's not over. Maybe narcotics are going to figure prominently in my not-too-distant future. Because, hey, no pictures.
I mean, I knew my scars weren't pretty. But, seriously, no pictures?
The doctor said he wanted to see me again in 3-6 months. I settled on 6. Just to give myself time to get feeling back in my right nipple. Because, while feeling came into the left nipple sometime around Labor Day, right nipple sensation is still on hiatus. Of course, the intermittent, sudden piercing pain that has come with the return of feeling in the left nipple isn't exactly pleasant, so maybe I'm better off. But still.
That's all there is to say about that until May.
Oh, I should probably mention that while I still fit in the same bras as before, I don't need them quite the way I used to, if you get my meaning. Everything is much more firm and upright and, well, perky.
Ick! Maybe all is not lost if they are perky?
I heard about a study which found that coffee reduces breast size... might be cheaper than a revision.
Posted by: Nat | November 10, 2008 at 06:22 PM
Nat, the doctor thinks the size is perfect, and to be honest they are proportional to my butt, it's just that I've got a big butt. The only thing he wants to revise is the scars.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | November 10, 2008 at 07:27 PM
Aw, man. That's a bummer about the scars. How did I miss this news? They really are fabulous, though, when you're wearing clothes and all. Shooting pain in the boob sucks. I hope that goes away soon. I can remember having a similar sort of thing happen after my horrific childbirth experience. Took awhile, but all's well now. Sorry if that's TMI, everyone.
Posted by: The Dol | November 11, 2008 at 07:50 AM
Dol, I didn't know the scarring was too heavy until the doc pointed it out. I thought it was fine. And I guess I should be thankful that I've got shooting pains in the boob instead of shooting pains in the vagina.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | November 11, 2008 at 10:45 AM
I'm requesting not to use the term "shooting" pains in reference to boobs or vagina anymore. Lets not change it to "sharp" pains either - lets say more like, umm, well just "pains " will do. It gives me the heebie jeebies.
I don't know whats worse - pains or no feeling in the nipple. I don't have much feeling in my nipples and I don't have ANY scars. I think it sucks.
When I was pregnant and ask my doctor what I could do to hurry up and go into labor he told me to rub my nipples continuously throughout the day. I would have done that if I'd thought I would have been able to feel it.
Anyway, Polly, you should alter your "if you belonged here page" to say that you have perky boobs and don't require a bra and we can be jealous now.....
Posted by: Alice | November 11, 2008 at 11:52 AM
Also, thats the best story about Secret Lulu. Did you (or Mr Poppins) get out of bed and make the kid some blueberry waffles?
Posted by: Alice | November 11, 2008 at 11:54 AM
Yeah, I just noticed the Not-A-Post. Yay, Secret Lulu! Now go back to bed and let Mommy and Daddy sleep in.
Posted by: The Dol | November 11, 2008 at 02:03 PM
Alice & Dol, Secret Lulu did not get any blueberry waffles. She got tossed a day-old-muffin and told that Mommy doesn't cook before 7am. At 7:30am, after she'd finished her muffin and I was lying on the couch moaning about how tired I was, that's when I asked her the why question.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | November 11, 2008 at 04:55 PM
In my experience, the shooting pain does go away, but I'm surprised you're still numb. Are you sure they're not just trying to get more money out of you over the scars? Not that I've seen them, but if you didn't think they were bad?
Posted by: Diosa | November 11, 2008 at 05:11 PM
Diosa, revision is free so I'm guessing the doc really does find the scarring unacceptable.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | November 11, 2008 at 06:09 PM
Admittedly, while I need a reduction I've been too chicken poop to do it and now, well, I'm pretty sure I've upgraded to full on rooster poop.
That said though, I'm unfortunately cursed with particularly un-sensitive nipples...or at least I was until I pierced them. So if you're anxious to get feeling back in that missing one, I say go ahead and drop a 14 gauge ring in there and you'll be back to feeling everything in no time ;)
And that, my friends, is the rural pennsylvania taxi mom shocker for today.
Did I mention my 6 year old just lost his first tooth, like 20 minutes ago? :D
Posted by: j | November 12, 2008 at 02:15 PM
j, don't be scared. The occasional shooting pain (sorry, Alice) and scars that look exactly as I thought they would, well, it's no big deal. I think that, because of my skin type, he wants my scars to be almost invisible, and, in places (tiny places), they are.
As for the 14 gauge ring, well, I thought I knew you but now I have to admit that maybe not so much.
I hope the tooth fairy is good to the six year old.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | November 13, 2008 at 07:32 AM
Yeah, J just killed me. I thought the words "shooting" and "sharp" were bad, but I"m adding 14-gauge to that list.
Glad to hear I'm not the only one who can't feel her nipples though....
Posted by: Alice | November 13, 2008 at 12:11 PM
I'm all about the shock value ;)and really, the 14 gauge isn't so bad...the forceps they use to do it on the other hand . . .
Posted by: j | November 14, 2008 at 12:59 PM
I think I passed out for a second there.
Posted by: The Dol | November 15, 2008 at 09:11 PM
You want to talk about passing out? Imagine the darling husband's shock when I camera phoned him a picture.
Oh yeah, I did it while he was out of town on business-as a surprise.
Posted by: j | November 16, 2008 at 04:50 PM