Aloof, Secretive, & Sarcastic

Aloof, secretive, and sarcastic. These are just a few of the winning personality traits of your average INTJ. I prefer to think of myself as reserved, private, and witty but, semantics aside, let's talk.

Let's start with aloof.

I don't make friends easily. I'm not into small talk. It takes me years to warm up to a new person. I kind of have to come at an acquaintance sideways so that, you know, if they see me coming and we accidentally make eye contact just long enough for me to catch the flash of crazy in their eyes, well, I can veer to the left a little and pretend I was just looking for a bathroom.

I have no idea how other people make friends. I've seen them do it. It has to be more complicated than it looks. And yet, I suspect not.

The truth is that most people just aren't my type. That's literal and figurative. I'm one of those people who, if mixing people is like mixing chemicals, is mostly inert, seldom mixes, occasionally combines, and rarely fizzles let alone explodes.

There are exceptions. They only prove the rule.

Secretive is, well, I'm not sure I should tell you. Like I said, I like to think of myself as reserved, maybe private, but not secretive. But the reality is that I keep secrets from you all the time. Little things, often inconsequential things. Things that, for one reason or another, I just don't feel are your business. Sometimes I'm not even sure these things are my business.

The good news is that I tend to keep your secrets, too. It's almost compulsive. I just won't tell on you because, well, it seems inappropriate. Sometimes, I even keep secrets about you that you don't consider secrets. But I think it should be secret, so I keep it. Even better, you probably have no clue what the secret I keep for you is.

I'd tell you, but then it wouldn't be a secret anymore.

Sarcastic. Well, this whole post could be an example, although maybe not in the traditional way. The problem I have with sarcasm is that so much of mine is unintentional. You know how if you say anything, anything at all, with a certain intonation, it sounds lecherous? I'll give you some examples:

• I'd like to butter her muffin.
• I'd like to look under her hood.     
• I'd like to take her to church. 

It almost doesn't matter what reference is made (dust her shelf, clean her towel), it just sounds sleazy. Well, I have this way of saying things that are completely sincere and have no subtext but, somehow, it just comes out sounding loaded with derisive meaning. Things like:

• No, really, please finish your story. 
• That's really interesting. 
• I never thought of it that way. 
• I see your point.  

 Not that I'm never intentionally sarcastic. I just seldom aim it at my friends.

That's it. That's all I've got.