Scared Skirtless

I went to a school board meeting in The Dol's town last night. It was kind of drive, like over an hour, which I mention because I want full friendship point credit. I sort of even got there on time. I mean, I was totally on time but there was no parking for like a five-minute walking-distance radius around the school. I had no idea that so many people actually went to school board meetings.

This was standing room only, can barely press in through the door, thank Hank The Dol and Baby Doc saved me a seat, if only I could see them. I have never been more glad that The Dol is a decided redhead (as in one day, she decided to be a redhead) because it makes her a lot easier to spot in a crowd.

The gist is that the school board is revisiting every statute that ever got put on the books to make sure it's current and up to date. There were two such statutes on the docket for the evening. I'm not sure what the one about head lice was about exactly, but it was surprisingly uncontroversial and PETA didn't even bother to show up, so I guess the head lice had it coming to them.

Whatever.

But the one about informing parents when their children leave the school for confidential medical services--mental health visits, out-patient drug and alcohol treatment programs, doctor appointments--this one got peoples' knickers in a real twist. The idea is that the more conservative parents didn't want to change even one word of the prohibition, and absolutely expected to be informed if their kids left the school. Although, at my high school that would never happen--the kids might not be able to get permission from the school to leave but noone was calling home if they took it upon themselves to not show up. We called it bunking. Some people call it skipping. I can tell you from experience that it is possible to do this as many as 22 times in a semester without anyone calling home.

The more liberal among us thought those were exactly the kind of parents who blindly send their "good" kids off to prom pregnant to have babies in the girl's bathroom and chuck them in a trash can. Because, yeah, some kids would rather give birth in a prom dress than admit to their parents that they are pregnant.

You know where I stand on kids who get pregnant because it is better to be careless than to plan to be bad. But the thing is that most kids tell their parents when they need medical services. I really hope that Secret Lulu will tell me, you know, so I can provide moral support, transportation, and any necessary co-pay. At least I like to think that. But if  Secret Lulu really didn't want to tell me about needing medical services, I'd much rather she get them without my knowledge than forego said services.

I think a teenager who thinks it would be the end of the world if they told their parents they might be pregnant, an alcoholic, or suicidal isn't particularly likely to tell their parents just because they can't get out of school for a doctor's appointment. I think they'll just skip school, skip the appointment, or google a home-remedy for pregnancy or order antidepressants from a doctor in Florida. Given my druthers, I'd rather that at least the school nurse know where to find them in case of an emergency.

Of course, the school board voted to protect parent's rights. That's what they call it: parent's rights. But what about the kids? What about making confidential medical services available on campus? I swear my high school had such a program. I mean, for sure, it has been decided, that kids absolutely have the right to confidential medical services. For sure, some kids only prefer that the services are confidential, some kids don't care what their parents know, and some kids would be in an unholy world of hurt if their parents found out. I mean, seriously, am I the only person that realizes that "parent" and "nurturing, responsible, safe adult" aren't synonymous?

But the feeling I got from the conservative parents isn't that they were protecting their children's safety so much as they wanted the chance to yell at their kids if they did something naughty, that they wanted the opportunity to interfere with the child's right to confidential medical services, which is all the more reason in my opinion, for the schools to allow kids to leave to get birth control because, seriously, some of these parents really seemed to prefer their kid get pregnant or diseased (they called it facing consequences) than plan to have sex and take precautions against such consequences.

On one hand, I don't expect my kid to ever need to have her privacy protected from me; on the other, if she thought she did, the last people I would hold responsible would be the administrators at the school. If Secret Lulu couldn't come to me, if she could be nine months pregnant or strung out on meth without me noticing, then I would be feeling like a pretty poor excuse for a parent. I think that's what these parents who are against giving teenagers access to confidential medical services are afraid of; they aren't so much trying to protect their kids as they're trying to protect themselves. They want to believe that all kids would prefer not to talk to their parents about serious issues than admit that there might be something broken at home.

 

Comments

[The Dol]

BabyDoc's comment about last night was that there were a lot of terrified parents in that room. My advice to them would be to go home and talk to their kids, but more importantly, go home and listen to their kids. All they succeeded in doing was to shut down a safety valve for kids in trouble. It was sad that we lost, but like you said, Polly, sometimes it's about letting the people in the room who haven't decided simply hear that there *is* another point of view.

And can I say that BabyDoc was awesome? I was so proud that he stood up and spoke before the Board. He rocked!

[pandora]

i often think about how i want to raise my future children noah, leif, chelsea dagger, charlie danger, fern, jayne, and sebastian. i also tell myself that i want to do the exact opposite of what my parents did.

now, i'm going to give them some credit because i think that i turned out pretty decent and that i have wonderful parents.
i mean i did make it through high school without getting pregnant, driving drunk, flunking out, OD'ing from heroin, and worshipping satan. i also made it into a very decent college.

however, i look back at it and realized that i figured out a lot of things on my own. i've always credited myself with having strong pair of morals and ethics. additionally, my perception from right and wrong are very keen.

i never had the "birds and the bees talk."
a lot of what i learned was through school, girlfriends, and cosmopolitan. (yes, i read cosmo when i was 13 and i thought it was really risque and that i was a rebel for doing so)
though i was extremely uncomfortable about the topic with my parents, i look back at it and wished that it happened. i think that they were just as uncomfortable about talking about it as i was.

but i don't want to be like that with my kids.
i don't care if they don't think of me as their best friend, i just want them to trust me.

i know that if i ever got pregnant right now, i wouldn't tell my parents. i would get an abortion and never speak of it with them. i know that they would forgive my reckless decision, but in the back of their minds they'd never think of me the same.
i hate disappointing people and my possessing my parents' trust is something that i hold dear to me.

the whole schoolboard policy scares me.
i think of all the girls who are like me and don't want to disappoint their parents.

polly, i should have just turned this comment into a blog post of my own. damn my rambling mouth.

[Polly Poppins]

Dol & Pandora,

I've been thinking about this all day, and there was another undercurrent, which seemed to be that the parents wanted the chance to talk to their kids about sex, drugs, and mental health if the kids found they had trouble in those areas.

I feel that as a parent it is my responsibility, from a very young age, to open those conversations and to maintain a continuing dialogue (as opposed to diatribe) throughout adolescence. Parents should be watching out for what the typical issues and problems of different ages are, and what the not-so-typical ones are, and talk to their kids about it whether or not they think they need to or not.

But I'm really into preventative measures, what with an ounce of them being worth a pound of cure and all.

P.S. Pandora, feel free to double dip and use your comment as a post on your blog. I won't tell.

[Alice]

ahh hem