Alice Gets Naked In The Real Midwest

Wouldn't you agree that Colorado is much more the Midwest than Ohio is?

Me too.

So I'm moving here.

Now lets talk about hot springs. First and foremost, I feel slightly ignorant for being so.... ignorant. When I thought hot spring, I thought puddle, big, deep puddle in the middle of the desert with bubbling hot water coming out of the ground and steam and mud and critters and creatures and water shoes being absolutely necessary. Maybe you thought that too, and if you did please fess up so I don't feel so silly.

If you thought that and you haven't been to a hot spring, let me help you out. A hot spring is a swimming pool, people, a freaking heated, chlorinated swimming pool. In the middle of nowhere, which is at someone's house, really. Now, I've been assured numerous times that there is no heating pump and no chlorine, but I'm skeptical.

All I know is that we arrived at Desert Reef Hot Spring and signed our names to a water stained sheet of notebook paper and paid our hefty fee and were warned that there was to be no, absolutely NO sex in the spring and I was waltzed into a world that I just can't go on in life pretending like I haven't known. A world of nudity with strangers. It felt wrong and not just because the strangers were as old as the dino's and had their private “this and that's” flopping about in the giant desert bath tub. But just because it felt oh-so-naughty-wrong.

Maybe it was the blazing hot sun mixed with the ice cold rain. Or the naturally-hot-mineral-heavy-mountain-water. Or maybe it was the mountains, themselves. Whatever it was, after about an hour of staring at the most giant pale boobs and the smallest wee-wee I've ever seen (I couldn't even imagine one that small!) and the saggiest and wrinkliest skin known to man – being publicly-ish naked seemed like maybe a good idea.

To be fair (and honest) it was because everyone else left and we were there alone and hey, this is a vacation, after all – we got naked. NA-KED. Man, that is exciting just to type.

Anyhow, it went from feeling naughty to weird to risky to right. It felt so right that I'm wondering now why we've left the non heated, non chlorinated swimming pool in the middle of nowhere and come back to civilization where there are such things as electricity and clothing? Why? Why? Why?

I started to write today knowing that I had to share this experience with you – whoever would listen – and I thought maybe I could try to contemplate why it is that being naked in public places feels so naughty. But screw it, I don't care why. And I'm going to another hot spring today, right now, really, so I'll just have to settle for writing about the experience and leaving you to think what you will. I can't wait to hear if any of you have been to a hot spring – and if anyone has found one that isn't a giant back yard bath tub. That is, of course, if I ever come back to the world of clothing.

Comments

[Polly Poppins]

NA-KED?

Are you sure? Because from the sound of it, it seems an awful lot like you got NEKKID to me.

Now is that butt nekkid or buck naked? I just can't seem to figure that one out.

[pandora]

why do the naked ones always have to be the old wrinkly ones?
why can't there be naked brad pitts and johnny depps?

but on a final note, sounds like a rush.
i want to try!

[The Dol]

wow! that is actually a recurring nightmare for me--public nudity. so reading your post just scared the hell out of me. i am also seriously impressed by your guts.

[Alice]

Polly,
You, of course, are correct. It's buck naked.

Pandora,
I was SOOOO the hottest one there, but like - 60 years. My hot spring buddy is hot, Brad Pitt hot in my opinion, but I'll speak for myself. So, there toward the end when we had visitors - they got lucky, really frigin lucky.

The Dol,
I say you should just try it. Don't tell me you've never skinny dipped off the deck of that house in the water, don't even tell me. And if you're impressed let me add this - I've gained 15 (fifteen!) pounds since you've seen me last and that's not something to get buck naked about, so please be extra impressed.

Mr. Poppins,
Now can I own that signature? Don't worry, I'll only use it on average once a year at this rate.

[pandora]

dol,
i'm laughing at your comment and remembering your comment about baby dol's barbie in target boutique.

[Diosa]

You know, I'm not sure what I thought hot springs were. I knew they were natural and they built resorts around them, but that's about it.

Naked in a hot spring does sound like fun. More fun without the fat wrinkly people with small wieners, albeit.

[The Dol]

i am shocked--shocked!--that you think i would do something like skinny dip. especially off the dock of a floating home in a large and busy San Diego harbor.

would. not. happen.

pandora, yes, perhaps i could learn a lesson from baby dol's barbies, who are pretty much always nude and don't seem to mind one bit.

[B.]

First of all, I've been gone from the bloggy world too long. Who knew Polly had posting friends?!? I've spent the last hour reading back posts and the site is so rich with varying commentary. Great move! Alice, thanks for pointing me back here.

...and, get your clothes on!

betsy/bitsy/b

[Ramblin' Jack]

Alice: sorry, I own it, but I grant you free license to use it whenever you want. Go crazy!

And to everyone else, if you ever want to get over the whole public-nudity thing, just spend a week at Burning Man. It goes from titillating to ho-hum in about an hour. Then you don't even notice.

[Alice]

Ramblin Jack, you are the best. Now teach me how the heck to do that. (Not that I'll really post anything, but hey, I'm all about the just-in-cases)

What the heck is Burning Man? I know, I know - Google it. I don't really want to google it, I just want to know if you and the Mrs got nekked together at some sort of public event? And to confirm that after a short period of time, especially underwater, it gets totally comfy.

[Ramblin' Jack]

Alice: Just insert the image under your blog posts like Polly does. But since your last post was in January, I'm not sure it will come up real soon. I'll have Polly email you the graphic.

Burning Man is a huge arts festival of sorts held in the northern Nevada desert every year. It defies description, but Google is your friend if you want more info. Polly and I went in '02. No we didn't actually get naked, but by the end of the week I would have done it without thinking twice. However, it was still sort of early on in our relationship, and we were both still on our best don't-shock-the-significant-other-with-anything-freaky behavior. I realized at one point when I was running behind a water truck getting a free shower with about 20 naked strangers, that I was the one who felt awkward and embarrassed because I was wearing swim trunks.

[Diosa]

Alice, you don't even need the image emailed. Just right click on it and save it to your computer. Then insert it after your post. Easy as pie.

[The Dol]

oh! oh! polly and i went to "dress to get laid" our freshman year of college!

we overdressed, as playboy bunnies. one young man was wearing, as i recall, one orange sock. on his foot.

[SistahFromAnotherMistah]

Funny you should mention it--I did skinny dip at the house in the water. It was COLD!!!!

Related story. A couple coworkers and I used to workout at the downtown Y at lunch. Imagine my horror after my first sweaty, smelly lunchtime spinning class when I walked towards the showers and learned the only option was a group shower. With my coworkers. While I must admit I was very uncomfortable that first shower, from then on it was no big deal. It was kind of liberating actually.

[Alice]

Ramblin Jack, I'll do the poking fun for never posting a thing but having a blog anyway, thank-you-very-much. No, really, I only wrote here because I wanted a signature. Kidding.
Also - there is a Community Festival here where everyone parades around naked, it's not so cool - and it smells really bad. Also, I think it might be illegal to actually be nude, so there are a lot of socks and painted boobs. Maybe you and Mrs Poppins should come to it, now that you've settled in and aren't too worried with impressing each other by not being weird.

SFAM: That is exactly what the 2nd hot srings were - bathing suit int he spring, but group naked shower before and after you get in the spring, and it wasn't so bad. Except for the teenagers who were pointing and laughing, that was bad.

[Polly Poppins]

I'm interrupting this program to direct everyone's attention to Not-A-Post. Editing after a post has gone up is strictly forbidden because typepad kicks the post back into draft mode which means it disappears until I notice it's gone, which could be an indefinite period of time. So edit before it goes live then send corrections to me, or if you must do them yourself, send me an email letting me know. Unless you have super-powers like The Dol, then do whatever you want.

[The Dol]

sistah, i am mightily impressed! mightily, i say.

[SistahFromAnotherMistah]

Plane delayed until morning due to weather in Chicago. Two grumpy kids and two frazzled parents. AH-HA! House in water! Other Mistah shares key location. Tuck tired kids into big bed. Go outside to look at stars. Bathing suits in luggage in airport. "Dare ya". "Double-dog dare ya". DONE! [checkmark]

I believe Dol and the 'rents were at a certain someone's Christmas party. I told you it was COLD!!!

[The Dol]

wow. just wow.