The Dol: Storybook Heroes

I've become a romance novel junkie. I suspect I would have gone down that road sooner, had it not been for my snooty Spanish literature degree and my suspicion that romance novels, as a genre, must suck. Everyone makes fun of them, so they must suck, right? 

Apparently, one of my favorite books in the universe, Pride And Prejudice, is considered a romance. Ok, so yeah, it's sort of obvious if you've ever read it. But when I say romance novel, I guess I mean the bodice-ripping, sexually explicit type of thing. You know, where they use the word "manhood." And "throbbing." Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy barely kiss. We never get any descriptions of what wedded bliss really looked like in the Darcy household. Makes you wonder what Jane Austen could have done had she been allowed to write smut for the masses. Oh lord, that would have been quality smut.

So, I know a lot of the readers here got on the Twilight kick a while back. After I read that series, I got the bug. I wanted more romance. I wanted good romance, with great characters and an interesting story (in addition to all the throbbing manhoods). And some great sexual tension, too.

There's just something about a well-cast male lead that reminds you that You Are A Woman. All that testosterone banging around in the pages of a book, and when an author gets it right--just the right balance of guyness without being stupid--I find it hard to stop reading. 

I started compiling a list in my head the other day, of my favorite male leads. It went something like this:

Edward Cullen, of the Twilight series; the tough and tortured, yet adoring, vampire beau of Bella Swan.

Mr. Darcy, from Pride and Prejudice; a rich, stuck-up Brit who ultimately proves his worth to Elizabeth Bennet, by saving her obnoxious sister from the ruins of a poorly made marriage. I know, sounds boring, but it's really not. 

Nathaniel Bonner, of the Into the Wilderness series; set in late 1800s upstate New York (word to my peeps in the North Country), Nathaniel is a white man raised by Mohican Indians; he falls in love with a proper English spinster and they have all sorts of adventures in the backwoods.

Eric Northman, the cold and calculating, thousand-year-old Viking vampire from the Sookie Stackhouse books. Oh my gosh, Eric. I get a little overheated just thinking about him.

Lord Dain, the rabble-rousing, bull-in-the-china-shop protagonist from Lord of Scoundrels. What I love about author Loretta Chase is that not only does she get the romance part right, but she has no problem making you laugh while she does it. This book was so much fun. Lord and Lady Dain make fun of each other at every turn, and somehow it ends up being sexy. He tells her that her bonnet is idiotic, and I practically swoon.

Jamie Fraser, my favorite of them all. The red-headed Scottish warrior from the Outlander books. Jamie has it all: looks, courage, faithfulness, adoring love for his wife, unstoppable libido, and that accent, oh that accent. Who doesn't want to be called a wee lassie, and a bunch of stuff in Gaelic? I know I do. Seriously, the first book in this series has some scenes that I wouldn't recommend to the faint of heart. I think I was blushing and hyperventilating while I read them, even though no one else was in the room. I probably jumped my husband when he came home, too, but that's a post for a different blog.

What is it about my romance homeboys that has me so addicted? I'm obviously not the only one, either. Did you know that romance is the most popular genre in North America? According to wikipedia, they made up 55% of book sales in 2004. Despite that, romance as a genre doesn't have much of a reputation. Look how long it took me to get around to getting addicted. And I'm a prolific reader.

So what is that is so wrong with romance? Why are we supposed to be embarrassed that we're reading it, when we admit that we're reading it at all? 

What's so bad about the idea that a woman might be enthralled by a man? And vice versa? I guess I want my sultry little cake and I want to eat it, too. 

Aren't we supposed to embrace our sexuality? I mean, carefully and all, of course. We know about STD prevention and birth control. We are women of the world and we are careful. But lordy me, there is just something about a red-blooded man, a warrior, an all-powerful vampire that triggers something ancient in my female brain.

But there is a little more than that. While I've focused on the male lead, it doesn't work without at least a passable female lead, and really, better-than-passable makes the whole thing work. 

Bella Swan is probably my least favorite. She's kind of whiny and obnoxious. Now, on the other hand, take your Elizabeth Bennet, your Sookie Stackhouse, or your Claire Fraser, and you have a strong, self-aware woman. We're talking women who don't put up with anyone's b.s. Especially homeboy's b.s.

And homeboy and the heroine have to think the world of one another, that's the other thing.

There's something about the idea of being, in Polly's words, in mutual adoration. I totally allow for the possibility that happiness might be found in a solitary life, or the unmarried life. But for me, being married and in love with my husband have been incredibly good and fulfilling things. 

Maybe reading romance novels has somehow heightened my awareness of chemistry, and what it means to keep the chemistry alive in a relationship. Maybe I'm at a point in my marriage that I needed a reminder about that. Lucky me, Mr. Dol is my own storybook hero. He doesn't speak Scots or ride a steed (our three-legged rescue dog is as close we get to steeds around here), but we have the mutual adoration thing down pat.

That said, I'm going to keep reading the best romance I can find. Suggestions are welcome, comments are open.

Comments

[Polly Poppins]

I had to wait until I was a full-fledged, postpartum adult and completely devoid of shame and modesty to be able to read a bodice-ripper without blushing (even when I was entirely alone but especially if in the presence of my mother). Now I can buy enemas and laxatives in bulk and chant "throbbing manhood" in the company of nuns.

[pandora]

i clearly remember the first time i encountered throbbing manhoods.
i was 13 and reading the "the notebook."
totally came out of nowhere.
it took me a couple pages to actually figure out what the hell they were talking about.
but i will say that nicholas sparks writes a very tasteful love scene.

the best thing to do is to read those scenes out loud.
you gain so much more confidence.
i love myself a good trashy read.

[The Dol]

polly, having a baby definitely helps with the comfort level. there's not much left to the imagination in the delivery room.

pandora, i might have to try reading some of those scenes aloud. i might find myself laughing, though, and that might ruin it for me.

[Alice]

I have to say I havent read too many romance novels. I think because while I was growing up they were my mothers books and the first time I picked one up and got to the juicy part, I felt waaaaay too dirty knowing my mother had read the same thing. And I totally looked at my mom in a whole different light.

However, in adulthood, two things come to mind; 1) Porn magazines with the dirty stories - much more to the point, although I suppose that serves a whole different purpose than a romance novel and; 2) Bookgirl sent me a book called Gettin Buck Wild Sex Chronicles II by Zane and I now know that when I need a little, uh, inspiration - the chapters in that book go straight to the goods. Sometimes in a laugh out loud way that you dont expect and oh biy is that a nice surprise.

[The Dol]

Alice, my mom read murder mysteries, but I can see where you're coming from. That could be creepy.

I sort of like falling in love with the characters, as cheesy as that sounds, so yeah, I think it's different than the stories in the porn magazines. And seriously, it's actually called Gettin Buck Wild Sex Chronicles II?? There was a part one, then??

[Alice]

Yep. Its a thriller, for sure. I suspect a little love in the way of Bookie and you'll be reading it in no time...

[Danielle]

I never read romance novels either because I associated them with cat ladies and grandmas, and people who generally don't get any nookie.

Of course I loved pride and prejudice, and then my sister got me into twilight, and when I visited bookgirl this summer, she said "oh, then you have to read this, and this, and this...." 30 books on the coffee table later, I finally found one that I liked. And I really liked it. It made me want to wear slinky nightgowns and shave every night.

One of the problems with romance novels, for me anyway, is that the quality of the writing can be so terrible. If I see the words "throbbing member" and I haven't gotten into the characters or the story, then I just can't go any further. Instead of turning it in, I feel silly.

Finally, the covers are just completely ridiculous. Who wouldn't be ashamed of reading that naked chested heaving bosom crap on the subway. Now that I read on my phone (or kindle for those of you who can't read teeny tiny print) I could be reading "deep penetration: wild sex chronicles 69" or "adventures in quantum physics" and no one (except that nosy bastard in the seat next to me) is any the wiser.

All that said, my favorite series is the Kim Harrison series with all the Clint Eastwood puns for titles. It's barely romantic, more of a fantasy adventure with occasional steamy sex with vampires and witches, but the writing is decent and it's usually quite funny. I went through the first seven books like candy.

-dulcimeria

[Polly Poppins]

I think one of the things I liked best about the twilight series was that the covers weren't humiliating to carry around in public. But in the history of the world, I have brown-bagged books, like you do in high school with American History, and even--on multiple occasions--put post-its over author photos because they creeped me out.

Stop looking at me.

[The Dol]

Danielle, that is one of the reasons that I looooove my Kindle. The only problem is that it's such a cook device that strangers are always looking over my shoulder because they want to check it out. Then they know I'm reading about throbbing manhoods.

[Polly Poppins]

I cannot, cannot, cannot believe you have not read the Anne of Green Gables series. I've owned the boxed set twice. My first set fell apart. I've read this series more times than anything else ever.

Oh. My. God.

I am so sorry. If it had occurred to me that anyone, anywhere who was a girl and who liked books could have not read this series, I would have double-checked with you to make sure you had read it. I only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I feel like I've let you walk through life with one of those paper toilet covers hanging out of the back of your pants.

Huge oversight.

[Diosa]

I am not really a romance fan. I prefer erotica. I love sexual tension in a novel, but so many romances are unoriginal and way too predictable. I love the romance and the sex, but I don't like it when it's the entire purpose of the story. I feel like romance is just erotica, except not as hot and takes way too long to get to the point with way too many adjectives I find annoying.

[Kit]

The cover of my copy of Samuel R. Delany's lengthy tome The Mad Man was not embarrassing to carry around, but when you're on an airplane and you know the person next to you is definitely going to read over your shoulder at some point in the next four hours, you probably don't want to bring something with so much kinky porn in it. Because you could wind up sitting next to an actor you admire, say Kevin Corrigan, and how's he going to become your friend once he sees how long that gay orgy scene (no, the other other one) is?

(That's probably the second least appropriate book I've ever taken on a plane, the first being Terrorist Autonomous Zones by Hakim Bey. But that was a long time ago.)

[The Bachelorette]

I admit it... As a teenager, I could read a Harlequin romance novel in an afternoon. I'm not proud of it. It's more a statement of fact. The stories all had the same basic plot and all the men were throbbing. I didn't care as long as the guy got the girl.

I'm not sure how long the phase lasted but I'm pretty sure it was over by the time I got to college. And let me just say for the record that college boys don't throb in the same way. Than again... neither do most adult males. But back to the main topic.

I hadn't read a romance novel in years. I laughed at people who read them. I mean... seriously. Don't these people have something better to do? If you're going to read... Why read smut? Well, thank you to my naughty sister-in-law for showing me the error of my ways.

I devoured the Twilight series. I just bought book #2 of the Outlander series because I'm not done with Jamie Fraser. Into the Wilderness and the first True Blook book are both sitting on my nightstand ready and waiting for me.

These are NOT the Harlequin romances of my youth. They are much better! These actually have a plot and characters that you can fall in love with. These are men that know something about being a man. This is literary smut and I declare myself a fan!

[The Dol]

Ok, Kit. Funniest. Comment. Ever. You had me at gay orgy, and I'm straight. I hope you'll keep commenting here.

Bachelorette, good to see you 'round these parts! Isn't Jamie Fraser the best ever? I'm reading Book Four right now, and it's a little longwinded, but I'm sticking with it for Jamie's sake.

Diosa, I guess I don't really know the difference between erotica and romance. Is erotica just more sex? Mostly sex? Because believe me, I'm not just reading romance novels for the love story. There needs to be good sex. But I need good characters, too, and that's what I was talking about with regards to my favorites--they have good characters and an interesting storyline.

[Diosa]

Dol, I think erotica is just a little less ruffly around the edges about what it is. Bookgirl would probably be the best person to give us a low-down on the technical difference. I would say there's more sex and less beating around the bush. Certainly fewer twin brothers from the future, landing in the middle of the woods and trying to act like it didn't happen. I swear I read a romance where that was the plot.

But if we're going to consider the Twilight series romance, then I'm into romance.

[pandora]

dol,
i get your thing about eric now.
i just finished living dead in dallas (book 2)
soooo much sexual tension!
seriously, i almost want sookie to ditch bill and make hot passionate sex to eric and his throbbing manhood!

[The Dol]

just wait, pandora, just wait.

[The Bachelorette]

Don't spoil it for me!!! I just started reading Living Dead in Dallas and have added Club Dead to the pile on my nightstand. Please tell me I don't have to give up my Vampire Bill fantasies!