Mommy Drinks Cause You Cry

Mr. Poppins is working the weekend. So I'm all about hanging out with Secret Lulu all day, every day.

Alone.

Unassisted. 

You know, without a relief pitcher. 

I remember this one time, Blackstone went out of town and Diosa was alone with her two boys for a week. When Blackstone got home, Diosa gave him a kiss and headed for the nearest tavern.

Alone.

To stare at her beer.

And drink it.

I remember when Baby Doc went out of town on a meditation retreat, because he's all zen and stuff, and The Dol was home with Baby Dol, and seriously, by the time Wednesday came, midway between gone and back again, The Dol was B E S I D E   H E R S E L F.

You wouldn't know it to look at her now but Baby Dol used to have colic, real terrible-like.

Pediatricians say colic isn't fatal but it's a wonder Baby Dol survived.

Oh my lord.

But Secret Lulu, she's cool and stuff, unless she's not. In which case she is

S O  N O T   C O O L.

Way not cool.

The police didn't come or anything but they could have. I think the neighbors were just out for the day. Something like that.

Alice says being at home all day with a toddler is just like in that book/movie "About a Boy," where the protagonist says you have to fill up the day in 30 minute increments. You can't just try to plan the whole day, it'll overwhelm you--maybe to death--you have to just take it a teensy bit at a time. Well, being home with a preschooler is a little better than that but at some point, you as a parent, might try to accomplish something, like say, organizing the toys, and if that happens the aforementioned preschooler, who happens to be a little OCD (no idea where she gets it) will freak the heck out because, hey, that drum belongs DOWNSTAIRS, not UPSTAIRS, and you as a parent must be batsh*t crazy if you think that the drum could, under any circumstances, live in the perfectly-sized space in the upstairs cupboard because there is just no way that is happening.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME????????

Yeah. It's like that.

And sooooooo, a day that was just rolling along perfectly--no fuss, no muss, no bother--and even included an intense bout of patio furniture pressure washing with preschool help, which is really no help at all but at least it's better than toddler help which is really more of a hindrance, well, that  day is over. You are smack dab in the middle of an unholy-shriekfest.

Your only comfort is beer and posting about it while the aforementioned preschooler tries to type over you and insists, in syllable-by-syllable enunciation that "mommy, I need to do games."

And then you realize that you're loooooooosing and stop typing because "Mommy, I need to push the letters" and what the heck, is nothing sacred around here?

And you thank Hank someone invented bedtime and sedatives and wonder where you can score some of each.

I'd ask you to join me in a moment of silence but I don't see that happening any time soon.

 

Comments

[Alice]

Does Secret Lulu go to school in the summer - or day care or something?

I swear I'm the worst parent on the planet - the kind that wants a kid that someone else takes care of except when he's sweet. And asleep - I don't mind that at all.

[The Dol]

Alice, I'm with you. Sometimes I feel guilty for loving daycare so very, very much. Still, I like to think I've hung on to some morsel of sanity, and I doubt very much that would have happened if I had no daycare and spent every day as the sole and primary caregiver. Seriously, it's too damn hard.

Sorry we didn't get to see you yesterday, Polly. I figured you'd let me know if you were headed up this way. I should have called and told you get the heck in the car and trek to our house.

[Polly Poppins]

WooHOOOOO!!!!!

Preschool summer school started 30 minutes ago.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(just exclamation points...because there are no words)

[Diosa]

Blackstone was only gone for two days. LT was only a month or so old and screamed bloody murder every single time I put him down for 18 hours straight for no reason at all. Every time I went to the bathroom. Every time I helped my 3-year-old go to the bathroom. Every time I got a drink. Every time I thought he'd finally go to sleep.

And, yes, I headed straight for the bar, by myself. And then to the movies. By myself.

And no one died.

[Kit]

I feel your pain. But what I don't get is, how could someone as sharp as you be so wrong about that drum?

[Polly Poppins]

The "no one died" part is kinda critical, isn't it Diosa? Because sometimes its a close call around here. I like to call it "leaving room for Darwin." The more trouble Lulu gives me, the more room I leave.

Kit. Dude. I know. Seriously. But I'll tell you something, it's a mistake I won't make twice.

[the aunt]

Hey. Let Lulu shriek over here, and I'll trade you for my crazy four. The One That Announces to Everyone that He Farted. The One Who Refuses to Say Please, Even if His Milk on Cold Cereal Depends on it. The One that Tattles if the Boys are Not Playing Barbie with Her (All Day), and the One Whose Poopy Diapers I am Already Sick of Changing.

I want the Shrieker!

[pandora]

"i drink because of you"-- papa gangsta pete.

direct quote.

that's what your post reminded me of.

[scotchstraightup]

Today is the sixteenth straight day that I have been with my children every single minute of every single day. The Husband has been with us too, but we go to the bathroom together, eat together, read together, sit on public transportation together. It's ALOT of time. A couple of summers ago this full-on parenting drove me to drink, but now that the kids are older it hasn't bugged me at all. Secret Lulu will learn to read one day and all you need to do is find a series she likes and hours will pass.