...and hilarity ensued.

This is the post, after the other post, where you could see accessories from my real life. I'm referring to Secret Lulu. And, of course the teardrop. So if you ever spotted me on the highway, you'd be pretty sure to know it was me, even though I won't be nearly as glamourous as you pictured. But perhaps not as deformed by herpes, either.

Anyway, this is the post where, without permission, I post a picture of me and White Rabbit, who is my brother, and has a surprisingly similar, more recent photo of himself as his profile picture, both for his blog and for facebook.

Yes, I am facebook friends with my brother. I just double-checked. So far he hasn't defriended me. Although at least one other person has. Not that I'm bitter.

I just blame K-Fed. But only because I blame him for everything. Really, Britney was doing great until he came along. Really. But I'm not saying K-Fed is a bad person, just that he, you know, deserves to be blamed.

Anyway.

My brother and I used to fight every day. I don't know when it started. My mom claims it was when he was a baby and I asked if he was broken and if we could possibly trade him for a different one. In my defense, I just wanted him to stop crying, people. Or at least to stop the noise of the crying. I mean, I'm all for crying but cry quiet, people.

Seriously.

After that, he hit me in the head with a belt buckle. He was maybe six. Because I wouldn't play hide and seek. And he used to eat my Lucky Charms cereal, even though our mom had bought his own favorite cereal, Captain Crunch. He did it because I have an aversion to Captain Crunch, as it shreds the inside of my mouth and I'm morally opposed to cereal that hurts. My aversion meant that he could eat my cereal and then switch, with immunity, to having his own without fear of having to share it and thus avoid the healthy cereals that clogged our cabinets. Which wasn't fair. Because as much as I'm opposed to cereal that hurts, I'm also morally opposed to having to eat the healthy sugar-free puffed-wheat twiggy stuff because someone got all greedy guts with my Lucky Charms.

Long story short, our mom gave me permission to hide my cereal in my room.

Again, I blame K-Fed. But only because I'm sure he deserves it.

Whatever.

Then there was all the chasing each other around the house and locking ourselves in the bathroom and picking the lock only to not hit in the face because our mom would kill us. And I used to pin him down for like an hour at a time, only to jump off of him as my mom opened the front door and came in from work. My timing was impeccable, people, giving us both just the right amount of time to scramble to our feet and yet not so much time that White Rabbit could pop me one before our mom came in, blinked in confusion, and asked, "What's going on?"

The answer to that question was, of course, "nothin'."

I'd have to follow our mom around the house for like an hour so White Rabbit couldn't sneak attack me. Eventually he'd give up and go skateboard. He'd pay me back later, by smacking himself and yelling to our mom that I was hitting him, which got me in trouble every time until our mom walked in and caught him doing it. After that, I could basically run him over with a lawn mower and noone was coming to help him.

Heh.

Yeah, it was all fun and games until at some point, White Rabbit and I started to get along. Mostly because I developed breasts, which really creeped the White Rabbit out and meant that he couldn't hit me because it turned out I actually really was a girl and besides those things might be contagious.

Not that he said that. But I knew.

We called a truce. Even so, I kept my cereal hidden. Better safe than sorry.

Now we joke about the fact that I always wanted to be an only child. I mean, I did always want to be an only child. You know, for all the extra attention and stuff. And by stuff I mean consumer goods.And also so that I wouldn't be forced to hide my favorite cereal behind a pile of Cabbage Patch Kids.

Yeah, that's where I kept it White Rabbit. But don't bother going to look for it because it's gone, baby, gone. I ate it. All of it. And when you ran out of Captain Crunch you had to eat twigs just like the rest of us. I hope they were tasty.

Whatever.

Was I going somewhere with this? Oh. See that picture, up there on the left? That's me and White Rabbit. Being friends.

We were so cool.

Still are.

And if we're not, well, I blame K-Fed. Because, you know, I blame him for everything.

Comments

[The Dol]

My brother (known around here as The Skipper) and I weren't on good terms really until I left for college.

Once, we were fighting over the television remote after school, and he threw a book at my face. Totally broke my glasses. I got him into so much trouble over that one. It was really satisfying.

[B.]

To see your real face!!!

[Alice]

Sheesh, Poppins - the photos! So revealing.

I used to fight with my brothers, too. and because there were three of us my Mom used to make all decisions by vote - and the boys always voted together. I wasn't allowed to hide cereal and if the boys voted that it was Capn Crunch on shopping day, well then, my mouth hurt until the boys voted for something else.

But now we're cool. I mean, I am cooler than both of them, I know this because we voted on it.

[Whilte Rabbit]

ok, letting people know how you could pin me down for hours is embarrassing. i'm just glad you didn't mention how you use to pinch my cheeks while i was pinned and say "you're so cute when you're angry". That was really frustrating.

i do remember the day i got caught hitting you while yelling "why did you hit me?!" Yeah, it was all over after that. My heart sunk as i realized my plan was foiled. It felt like the ending of a Scooby-Doo episode. "i would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for..." well, that was my own fault. Guess i got a bit sloppy over time.

Anyhow, i'm glad we're getting along so well now. And now i have kids to traumatize i and tell my boys "don't hit your sister" with a sly grin on my face and a devilish gleam in my eye.

[Polly Poppins]

You know, White Rabbit, I thought about including that description but I decided to be kind.

Kind.

But since we're going to talk about it, you forgot to mention that I would waggle you by the ears and use a baby voice.

[SistahFromAnotherMistah]

I had an obsession with Wonder Woman growing up. I would spin around into my Underoos, jump in my invisible plane and fend off imaginary bullets with my Mom's costume jewelry bracelets.

I once let my sister join in the fun. I pretended to be the "bad guy" and allowed her to play the title role. Remember Wonder Woman's version of cryptonite? It was chloroform for you uninitiated. I grabbed a dirty sock and held it to her mouth while she struggled. Much to my surprise, she was even better in the title role than I was! She crumpled just like Lynda Carter did when chloroform incapacitated her.

Except Sister wasn't acting.

Don't worry. She's ok now.

[The Dol]

OMG, did she actually pass out, sistah?

I just bought Baby Dol two--count 'em!--TWO Wonder Woman t-shirts from Old Navy. I'm totally jealous that they didn't have them in grown-up sizes. I would have been all over that action.

[Polly Poppins]

Sistah, you must have thought you kilt her.

[Sistah From Another Mistah]

She did, Dol, and I did, Polly. She had a tough time with multiplication tables, and I never really forgave myself until she walked across the stage to receive her two Masters Degrees.

I wasn't sure she even remembered the incident until it showed up in her MOH toast at my wedding.

[The Dol]

Dude. I am seriously impressed.

[SistahFromAnotherMistah]

Must.Run.To.Old.Navy.To.Buy.T-Shirt.For.Sister!

It'll fit. She's small. Lack of O2 stunts growth.