This is the post, after the other post, where you could see accessories from my real life. I'm referring to Secret Lulu. And, of course the teardrop. So if you ever spotted me on the highway, you'd be pretty sure to know it was me, even though I won't be nearly as glamourous as you pictured. But perhaps not as deformed by herpes, either.
Anyway, this is the post where, without permission, I post a picture of me and White Rabbit, who is my brother, and has a surprisingly similar, more recent photo of himself as his profile picture, both for his blog and for facebook.
Yes, I am facebook friends with my brother. I just double-checked. So far he hasn't defriended me. Although at least one other person has. Not that I'm bitter.
I just blame K-Fed. But only because I blame him for everything. Really, Britney was doing great until he came along. Really. But I'm not saying K-Fed is a bad person, just that he, you know, deserves to be blamed.
Anyway.
My brother and I used to fight every day. I don't know when it started. My mom claims it was when he was a baby and I asked if he was broken and if we could possibly trade him for a different one. In my defense, I just wanted him to stop crying, people. Or at least to stop the noise of the crying. I mean, I'm all for crying but cry quiet, people.
Seriously.
After that, he hit me in the head with a belt buckle. He was maybe six. Because I wouldn't play hide and seek. And he used to eat my Lucky Charms cereal, even though our mom had bought his own favorite cereal, Captain Crunch. He did it because I have an aversion to Captain Crunch, as it shreds the inside of my mouth and I'm morally opposed to cereal that hurts. My aversion meant that he could eat my cereal and then switch, with immunity, to having his own without fear of having to share it and thus avoid the healthy cereals that clogged our cabinets. Which wasn't fair. Because as much as I'm opposed to cereal that hurts, I'm also morally opposed to having to eat the healthy sugar-free puffed-wheat twiggy stuff because someone got all greedy guts with my Lucky Charms.
Long story short, our mom gave me permission to hide my cereal in my room.
Again, I blame K-Fed. But only because I'm sure he deserves it.
Whatever.
Then there was all the chasing each other around the house and locking ourselves in the bathroom and picking the lock only to not hit in the face because our mom would kill us. And I used to pin him down for like an hour at a time, only to jump off of him as my mom opened the front door and came in from work. My timing was impeccable, people, giving us both just the right amount of time to scramble to our feet and yet not so much time that White Rabbit could pop me one before our mom came in, blinked in confusion, and asked, "What's going on?"
The answer to that question was, of course, "nothin'."
I'd have to follow our mom around the house for like an hour so White Rabbit couldn't sneak attack me. Eventually he'd give up and go skateboard. He'd pay me back later, by smacking himself and yelling to our mom that I was hitting him, which got me in trouble every time until our mom walked in and caught him doing it. After that, I could basically run him over with a lawn mower and noone was coming to help him.
Heh.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until at some point, White Rabbit and I started to get along. Mostly because I developed breasts, which really creeped the White Rabbit out and meant that he couldn't hit me because it turned out I actually really was a girl and besides those things might be contagious.
Not that he said that. But I knew.
We called a truce. Even so, I kept my cereal hidden. Better safe than sorry.
Now we joke about the fact that I always wanted to be an only child. I mean, I did always want to be an only child. You know, for all the extra attention and stuff. And by stuff I mean consumer goods.And also so that I wouldn't be forced to hide my favorite cereal behind a pile of Cabbage Patch Kids.
Yeah, that's where I kept it White Rabbit. But don't bother going to look for it because it's gone, baby, gone. I ate it. All of it. And when you ran out of Captain Crunch you had to eat twigs just like the rest of us. I hope they were tasty.
Whatever.
Was I going somewhere with this? Oh. See that picture, up there on the left? That's me and White Rabbit. Being friends.
We were so cool.
Still are.
And if we're not, well, I blame K-Fed. Because, you know, I blame him for everything.
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