If You Belonged Here

August 31, 2009

What Doesn't Surprise Me

You know what doesn't surprise me? People.

Not you, not me, not the next guy. Not little kids or the elderly. Not teenagers.

Sure there was that one time in the movie theater where a passel of possums kept quiet for the whole movie. That's not what I expected. And there was another time when this buttoned-up person turned out to be a scattered mess. But that kind of thing doesn't happen a lot.

Mostly I get what I expect. Mostly I see people coming from a mile away. Mostly, people do not sneak up on me.

People are predictable. If only you assume that what they say is encoded and look at their faces when they talk. The key to the code is in the faces. Also, remember that people don't just lie to you. They lie to themselves, so the fact that seem earnest and sincere and all of that hooey is no indicator or what they will do. The best indicator of what people will do, as the saying goes, is what they have done.

Cheaters cheat. Doers do. Liars lie. Givers give. Fighters fight. Punctual people show up on time.

What people say is usually only significant if there is no obvious reason to say it. What they don't say is significant all the time. How they talk about other people, how they treat them, that's how they'll be about you. Eventually.

You are not special, cupcake.

I promise you: no matter how special you are, you are not special. Prettier, smarter, nicer, whatever. You aren't special. What can happen to other people, can happen to you. So remember this, you lose 'em how you get 'em, what goes around comes around, and even Angelina Jolie can be cheated on. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck--sure it could be a confused rooster, but it's not--it's a duck. And if Billy Bob cheated on his last wife, he'll cheat on you. No matter what he says. Because it's what he does.

Pretty people just make prettier messes. Smart people just make more elaborate, rationalized messes. Nice people, well, they didn't mean to make a mess. It just kind of happened.

People do people things because they are people. They do the things that they do because it's who they are.

That really doesn't surprise me.