“Pandora, are you really getting drunk with people ten years older than us?”
Why yes I am.
My name is Pandora and I like to party.
I also want to say that The Dol throws a killer soiree.
Awesome food.
Awesome beverages.
Awesome music.
Awesome people.
It was just a night full of awesomeness.
To those of you that missed it, you missed the party of the year. The champagne was magical. It some how convinced me to love Sean Kingston. The Dol has the best and most perfect party house ever. All I can say is that she and Baby Doc better watch our for Baby Dol in fifteen years. And, all I say to that is that Baby Dol better invite me. Also, shout out to Polly who taught me the proper way to take shots of Patron. You are the older sister that I never had.
Lick it, Slam it, Suck it.
As a full time college student, I go to quite a handful of parties and do quite a bit of socializing. Having now partied with two very different generations, I’ve come to some conclusions:
Party with people who have well paying jobs: get expensive booze.
Party with kids who live off Top Ramen: get 40s, Nattie, and cheap vodka.
There is no drama with successful and talented women who are confident in their own skin even if they are a bit intoxicated.
Tipsy, skinny, little b*tches with orange skin and white hair cause drama the moment they walk through the door.
If you smell puke walking into the door of a party in college, it's a sure sign that it's going to be a fun night. The only rank thing I expected to smell in The Dol's were her lovely beastly creatures. Anything else would have raised concerns.
Normally if I party with kids my age, the night ends with me passed out on the couch or chatting up a storm with a cute boy. Never are there random strangers discussing my lack of a sex life and need for birth control. (Polly, I’m holding you to that breast reduction surgery promise. “I Don’t Recall” is not the winning answer. I have witnesses)
Party with people my age, the night is still young at 2 am.
Party with people ten years older, find yourself alone sitting on the kitchen floor eating dip at 1 am for everyone has gone to bed.
The Dol catered fabulous hor devours with the help of her friends. I don't think I've ever even seen a bag of chips at a college party.
At college parties it’s considered normal if you don’t remember half of the night and find random people sleeping on your couches. I think with the older crowd, there's a certain age where blacking out is unacceptable.
Usually, I’m cleaning up red cups the next morning, not feathers of every color.
The older crowd happily recycles their bottles for the mere satisfaction of helping the earth. We, as poor college students, scrounge for cans and cash them in for, what else, more beer. Beer > Mother Earth.
I love my parties and my socializing, but please don’t stereotype me as a wild college student. Normally, I’m a girl who’s down to just chill at home with her roommates and some close friends. But, every once in a while, a girl just needs to get her drink on and if you need to find me, I’ll be the one carrying around the bottle of wine.
I just happen to love people. Hell, I go to parties sober and DD just so I can be around people and watch them make fools out of themselves.
I'm very good at convincing drunk boys to do things. However, I only use my powers for good. I make them put out their cigarettes and get me things for me like alcohol (unopened of course) and water. College has made me realize that it's nice being a cute girl. I'm not being cocky, I really know that I'm cute. That's how confident I am. Being cute means that you don't pay.
So, party like a rock star, whatever your age may be.
I truly aspire to be like Polly and her friends one day.
Also, I hope someone caught the Hot Rod reference at the beginning of the post.
I also hope that The Dol’s stepmom isn’t an avid Polly Poppins follower. I don’t need her worrying anymore then she already does about me.....
It's true... Parties get better as you get older but college parties are a right of passage. All of my wildest stories seem to be from college. Like getting kicked out of a bar in Mexico for dancing on a table. Or being locked in a bathroom with a guy who wanted to show me the tattoo on his butt. Or... Well maybe I shouldn't share more. Wouldn't want to give you any ideas.
Posted by: The Bachelorette | September 29, 2009 at 12:42 PM
You've never really lived until you've been chased down the street by the Mexican police (true story, and yes, I was drunk, and yes, I got away)
Posted by: Mr. Poppins | September 30, 2009 at 11:10 AM
The secret is to thoroughly enjoy every age you're at. They're all wonderful in their own way.
Posted by: Diosa | October 01, 2009 at 03:52 AM
D - I think you can only say that because you haven't been 80 yet.
Pandora - Did we not have any red cups? How is that possible!
Posted by: Alice | October 02, 2009 at 02:43 PM
alice, i was sooooo tempted to ask the dol if we could play beer pong.
but, seeing as it was a dance party, i figured it was not the appropriate setting.
dance party 2010?
Posted by: pandora | October 02, 2009 at 09:06 PM
I vote Vegas 2010.
Posted by: Alice | October 03, 2009 at 12:42 PM
alice, i'd be all over that as long as said reunion occurs after november 24th 2010.
Posted by: pandora | October 03, 2009 at 01:46 PM
What an excellent party! I especially appreciated the part where everyone was asleep at 1am. That's how it should be done -- these days.
Posted by: Vanity's Fare | October 07, 2009 at 07:05 AM
I don't think there were red cups. There were clear plastic cups, but they were strictly for water. I don't like using plastic for alcohol, so we used real glasses. Pandora, you're right. There are just certain things that don't fly once you have a mortgage. I don't like drinking wine out of plastic, so I own dozens of wine and champagne glasses for parties.
I never partied much as a young 'un, though Polly and I did have our Clubbing Era. We got there early and left early, but we danced our little booties off every time. We were totally adorable.
Next year, I'm already aiming for a Memorial Day weekend dance party. Doesn't mean we can't also go to Vegas when Pandora hits the big two-one.
I have no idea what beer pong is. Is that different than a beer bong? Or is that just a bong? And is that for marijuana? Don't they have smelly water in them? I know nothing of these things.
Posted by: The Dol | October 15, 2009 at 09:41 PM
because wikipedia knows all: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_pong
dol, there's no illegal substances involved, don't worry.
Posted by: pandora | October 17, 2009 at 09:44 PM
I wondered why the Nov 24th date... maybe 2011 is for Vegas.
Posted by: Alice | October 19, 2009 at 01:22 PM
yep alice.
the dol and polly are horrible role models with giving alcohol to a minor and all....
Posted by: pandora | October 19, 2009 at 02:18 PM
"Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbor..." (Habakkuk 2:15)
http://users.tpg.com.au/sarina21/challenge/alcohol.html
As the child you did not drink because you seen up close an personal the actions of the fruit in your own family...as in them days you went to church an believed in GOD...
You like to read an research an be right about all yet you miss the biggest of lessons an best of books ever...
What good is your child you call your own when you will spend yet but a few years with her due to your careless choices in your body of flesh, I wounder what happen so bad that you turned away from GOD...For has he not given you all that you have asked for...family,friends,wealth,things of the world? Do you not see this is not of God but of the Devil himself...
If you take a moment an be silent an ask to hear you will hear the word of the Lord an his calling on your life an you will not have to wallow in your drink an party an things of the world for you think that you came from a place of lack, but if you stopped listening to the voice's that speak that to your heart you will have time to hear that you were always taken care of, an he was always there for you. As he has given you smarts you choose to drink away the brain cells with good times of the demons that call to you...Do you not see life is bigger than that drink for you were given a life to take care of an with drink you chose to show her that you do not care for her....you in fact care more for the demons that once took over your life as a child....
I will pray for you, as you know not where you are in life, so that you may come to a place that will make more understanding for you an that you will not have to chase for answers as a child would, just remember as a child you wanted to run from that life...an that is the life in which I read you speak of with praise...Values an truth that should be your next blog...Think about it...
Love you....
Posted by: Searching | October 20, 2009 at 09:28 AM
HA!!!!!
Way to go Pandora. Searching has made two mistakes: 1, assuming we are practicing Christians, 2, assuming we don't know the bible and can't google our way to a retort.
http://wooga.drbacchus.com/bible/alcohol.html provides a tidy answer to your http://users.tpg.com.au/sarina21/challenge/alcohol.html (yeah, we guessed Searching could google, too).
Dear Searching, keep looking. Go troll somewhere else. We'll pray for you.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | October 20, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Holy cowabunga!
Posted by: Alice | October 20, 2009 at 10:46 AM
How exciting! A little troll! An uptight one, even. How adorable. I'll pray for you or whatever. No, even better: I'll raise a toast to you next time I indulge in a wonderfully sinful glass of wine. Cheers!
Posted by: The Dol | October 20, 2009 at 10:53 AM
Now as fast as you found that information should be as fast as you think about your life, the one he died for you for. Its sad that you feel your life has amounted to a drink an a party. Did I not show you that the out come is not good for you seen it in your own life...I will pray for you an for all your friends that even as you try to be perfect in every way you are far from it as are the rest of us... The truth hurts an hits home...but I say to you there is yet another way, you say you dont believe in what you dont see I say to you you dont see air but you breath, you also dont see me yet you speak to me...
Ponder on that for a while.... an I never called you to be of any religion for that is for the meek...
Posted by: Searching | October 20, 2009 at 02:16 PM
dude, someone needs a grammar coach.
Posted by: pandora | October 20, 2009 at 02:33 PM
My invisible pink unicorn is getting a kick out of that last comment.
Posted by: Ramblin' Jack | October 20, 2009 at 02:49 PM
An someone needs a Jesus Coach,
Jesus Wants to Teach You Himself
http://www.hallvworthington.com/teacher.html
Posted by: Searching | October 20, 2009 at 02:54 PM
@Searching, please paste links instead of the entire text of another blog. Because if you don't, I will. And I can do that because this is my blog and I have the password.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | October 20, 2009 at 03:08 PM
@ Searching, you know, at first I thought you were a troll, just someone who found blogs mentioning drinking and posted a rant on them. The stuff you said made no sense if it was directed at Pandora. But now I realize it wasn't directed at Pandora, it was directed at me, and you aren't a random troll at all, you actually know me. Or think you do.
So I want to say this: if your concern is genuine, I will try to take it as a heartfelt expression of caring. But given the condescending tone and the fire hose nature of the proselytizing, that's a little hard to do.
Feel free to pray for me. But keep in mind that you know you've invented God in your own image when he holds all the same opinions you do.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | October 20, 2009 at 03:38 PM
Wow, Someone forgot to read their New Testament. You know, all the parts about casting the first stone and loving your neighbor. I don't recall Judging being one of the virtues, but what do I know? I only had 12 years or religious education. And am limited by an unwillingness to twist scripture to suit my needs.
Posted by: Bookgirl | October 20, 2009 at 03:48 PM
Wow! You can get a Jesus Coach? I had no idea!!!
I used to play a little college Jesus back in the day, but I got sidelined with an injury. I've been thinking about pickin' it back up again, but don't really think I'm in good enough shape.
Think he could help? I'm not looking to go pro or anything, Just play a little casual pick-up Jesus on the weekends.
Posted by: Ramblin' Jack | October 20, 2009 at 03:52 PM
Dear searching,
Thanks. I think we needed a little action around here.
Love you too.
Alice
Posted by: Alice | October 20, 2009 at 04:03 PM
Bookgirl, I think this is what happens when you take the Christ part out of Christianity.
Jack, I feel like there is a whole line of hilariousness that we could get into as far as naming teams for college Jesus, but nothing is striking me right off the bat.
Posted by: The Dol | October 20, 2009 at 04:16 PM
Um, yeah . . . . I don't debate crazy.
Posted by: Diosa | October 20, 2009 at 05:18 PM
I'm still wrapping my head around this being personal.
Searching's first comment seemed so over-the-top given the circumstances (a party where everyone is in bed by midnight and no one drinks to excess and everyone remembers to recycle) and so completely irrelevant to any of the people it claimed to address that I thought we were going to have some harmless fun with a troll. I was looking forward to it.
Now I'm trying to feel insulted and outraged at the nature of the criticism but it's still so over-the-top and irrelevant to my actual life that I just feel done, as in finished. Because it was entertaining when I could just laugh and poke fun at the ridiculousness of it, but Searching, I have no idea how to go about pretending you aren't making an ass of yourself.
Let me be perfectly clear: You hit so far from home as to be an instant joke. No one had hurt feelings, everyone was laughing at the very idea that you could possibly be serious. And now that I realize you are, I just think you owe me an apology. Not that you'd get that.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | October 20, 2009 at 05:19 PM
I don't see why I should say sorry for telling you of a truth, for I was not put here to judge you nor is that what I am doing..I am in fact waking you up to the fact that you are a child of GOD. As this is not personal, it is with concern, an yes I do know you. Having taken your joke an stab at a brother or sister of the same father you should feel ashamed. He has been on my heart to reach out to you an your family as you have become destructive in your physical ways. You were once a great person of knowledge who he was proud of, for him to put you in my heart to show you the conviction in whatever way you may interpret that. If you feel this is personal then you have personal issues to take up with your father above. You take his name in blasphemy an deny his existence being happy of a church that celebrates earth day as a holiday. Have you not read the word as a child even that you are not to make a false God one of your own liking. For the one you deny is the one that kept you safe growing up, gave you the life you felt you never had, gave you a new life to take care of so that you would not repeat the same mistakes that were made in your childhood. For it does not matter what time you shut down that party nor go to sleep in your passed out spender of things. It is wrong an you are no longer that child, you are an adult an its time to act like one an remember what life was like growing up for you. It does upset me that you are seem so smart yet are so far from the truth...You were meant to do great things for that is why he gave you the knowledge, yet you choose to live as a teen child breaking away from your parents. For all of you following this blogs comments may you all think about the things in your life that also brought you into the place you are today, an My Dear Polly, How I do know how you love to read there is a few good books written that I think you will find most interesting to read an blog about please if only one book do purchase one an read it, I am sure it will be a lot of useful information for you the author is Myles Monroe do check him out...
You are in my prayers, an I look forward to your blog on one of Myles's Books....
I love you...
Posted by: Searching | October 21, 2009 at 07:29 AM
Picture my eyebrows raised. Because that's all I've got.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | October 21, 2009 at 08:30 AM
Searching, dear, you're getting slightly out of control here. Perhaps you should read a book regarding ways to better express your devotion to God because you sound like a freaking whack job.
What I love the most about my liberal minded church and their practices is that they totally call out people like you who exploit the Gospel and only pretend to have a meaningful and true relationship with the Lord. Oh - and that they happily celebrate Earth Day.
Love You!
Alice
Posted by: Alice | October 21, 2009 at 09:49 AM
Polly, I'm praying you can get Searching under control before I re-read the earth Day comment and have a freaking heart attack.
Posted by: Alice | October 21, 2009 at 09:52 AM
God is not a liberal minded church, God is a King, You don't have a choice you do what he says. Kingdom of God is not a Democracy its a Monarchy. You don't get a vote in what he says, the words of the King are law. So before you defend your so called Earth Day, take a few hrs. an read the book Rediscovering the Kingdom by Myles Munroe
Then an only then speak of what you think you know.
As an American you know nothing about the Kingdom of God...
So Alice before you speak again please read that book an then I would love to also hear your thoughts on the matter...
For I never speak of my personal thoughts only the facts, in which as one nation under God we were all supposed to be.
Hugs....
Posted by: Searching | October 21, 2009 at 10:02 AM
Searching, I assure you, I really, really assure you, you do NOT want to hear our thoughts on that book. I don't even have to read it to know that we would make fun of it so mercilessly that you would probably blow a gasket.
I find it odd that you are criticizing Polly's parenting skills. She is the best parent I know. Way better than I am. I'm too busy getting my kindergartener drunk and taking her to the crack house to even compete with her as a parent--god or no god.
And I'm with Alice, you can be all high and mighty about Polly, because that's just too idiotic to be believed, but step away from Earth Day. Them's fightin' words.
Posted by: The Dol | October 21, 2009 at 10:12 AM
If you send me that book as an Earth Day gift, I'll totally read it!
Posted by: Alice | October 21, 2009 at 10:17 AM
Are you all afraid to read the truth that you must begin to talk about a book that you never have read...lol I am not judging Polly on her parenting I am just stating facts that there is more to life than a empty filled party an stuff...there is more of a reason you were all put on this Earth. I guess you are to ignorant to search for the right answers before you speak to me. That is why you ask for handouts an just make comments on blasting the book without knowledge... Before you start to try to sound smart with your big words or correct ways of spelling things or speaking. Do the work or are you scared that I might be right an speaking of a truth an you might be found at fault...or better yet that God might just prove to you he is real an that would mean that you are in sin..
If you give your child alcohol an take her to a crack house as you have stated then I am even more worried for Polly as of her choice in life when people are around her an her family..an if you don't think that you have a problem, one that leads your post of your own words to admit you have slipped away from your maker you are out of your mind...Polly was a worker in the system at one point....To know of a child drunk or in a crack house says much for her perfect character as you all hold her higher than God himself..What is the matter with you all...Just read the book you will be blown away I am sure. Unless you are scared that is....
Hugs...
Posted by: Searching | October 21, 2009 at 10:39 AM
I'm going to be the one to do it.
Searching - we are all really amused at your craziness but please, puh-lease, use the "D" key when you write the word "and".
Posted by: Alice | October 21, 2009 at 10:56 AM
LAMININ Look that one up would love to hear the thoughts on that one also....
scared I knew it....
Hugs...
Posted by: Searching | October 21, 2009 at 11:15 AM
That was so you can try to defy proof of your maker see who is laughing now...him...
Hugs, now get reading will ya...
Posted by: Searching | October 21, 2009 at 11:16 AM
Oh one more thing can anyone of you prove he is not our father? You all talk a good talk but no one has backed it up with anything...
Looks like I'm the only one with facts in this perfect world of yours.....
Wink...
Posted by: Searching | October 21, 2009 at 11:21 AM
searching- i have a question, if one is to find god and become a "christian", does one have to give up their sense of humor and the ability to see sarcasm?
also, since you've been so kind in recommending me a book, I'd like to return the favor. check out "i hope they serve beer in hell."
now, will ya please get to reading that?
Posted by: pandora | October 21, 2009 at 11:27 AM
I was going to comment about the above, but yawn... I'm bored. And this is our blog. Can we talk about something more interesting? Anything?? Animal husbandry? Newton's laws of physics? How the neo-Cons have destroyed American society? Whether I really need a breast reduction, or losing this last 40 pounds will take care of the back pain? The horrors of home-schooling?? Someone help me out here, please, for the love of all that is holy...
Posted by: Bookgirl3175 | October 21, 2009 at 11:29 AM
Searching, I cannot believe you aren't getting the sarcasm. I can't believe you are actually believing that any of us would get a child drunk or take them to a crack house. I can't believe that you are afraid for us, that we are the ones who have clouded judgment and understanding, that we are the ones who need intervention.
Mostly, I'm just confused by what you are saying. Not because I lack an understanding of God but because you are not being coherent. I can't figure out what you are referring to when you reference "handouts" or "earth day." I can't figure out when you are addressing your comments at me or other people because you don't seem to understand that many of the posts on my blog aren't written by me. The post that we are all commenting on wasn't written by me. Do you even get that?
The reason no one is going to read that book isn't because they are scared, it's because you've undermined your own arguments by coming off as unstable and possibly delusional. You keep typing in the KJV bible prophet voice instead of plain english, you keep wandering from half-finished thought to half-baked platitude. You have less biblical and historical understanding than almost everyone in the group of women you are addressing.
You actually wrote: "Do you not see life is bigger than that drink for you were given a life to take care of an with drink you chose to show her that you do not care for her....you in fact care more for the demons that once took over your life as a child...." and I don't care how I read that, it so far from the truth that it couldn't possibly hit home. And there's no way to read it as not judgmental, even when I take into account that it's batshit crazy.
I've never been "a worker in the system" and the fact that you think I was just shows how peripherally you know me, how little the reality of who I am has to do with the image you've created of me. I haven't drifted from the person you think I was, I just never was that person.
You are clearly not going to hear this, or get it. I know that. But I'm still going to write it for myself and for anyone who might be reading and wondering what I think of all this.
You have the single most undermining and ineffectual way of delivering your testimony that I have ever heard from any Christian in my life. You should consider that. You aren't putting the fear of God into anyone. You're making God a joke. You. Not us.
You are making God a joke. If any one should be ashamed, it's you.
Posted by: Polly Poppins | October 21, 2009 at 11:33 AM
What a waste of brilliant minds...
Posted by: Searching | October 21, 2009 at 11:35 AM
Oh, fuck you, Amanda.
Posted by: Polly | October 21, 2009 at 11:48 AM
You have learned nothing....
Did not your step father drink an hurt you an your family...
Did not the lord your father Keep you safe in them times...
You keep him in that little box you call your life. An on judgment day I hope that you used your smarts, for more than the big words you love to use to feel so perfect...
Have you ever wondered why..Why it is that you strive so hard for that perfection an hide behind the letters you give yourself, or try for the perfect outward show of you life an your self...
Who do you want to be so proud of you?
What drives you to be who you are?
What power do you look for?
What you don't get is that power was given to you in the Kingdom of God...
As for your childish ways I have seen you a grown woman in your drunken sorrow try to act composed an may I add that it is not becoming of you, I hope that in all of this if nothing more you will someday take a look at the life that was given to you an repent an change your ways for you are worth more than the Kingdom of Ignorance :
The God of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers so that they can not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ who is the image of God. I in closing would like to say that even though we don't see eye to eye I love you...
Hugs....
Posted by: Searching | October 21, 2009 at 11:53 AM
Ok, that's a wrap! That's all the crazy we have time for today.
Thanks to everyone who dropped by for this week's entertainment. Be sure to stop in next week when our very special guest posters will include:
-- A woman in Iowa who has found proof that Jesus and his disciples have returned to Earth and are working in disguise at the Des Moines Wal-Mart.
-- A man in Kentucky who is convinced the Beatles were designed and sent to the U.S. by the British Psychological Warfare Division, to undermine the morals of God-fearing American teenagers.
-- A woman in Massachusetts who believes President Obama is really Hitler, who escaped to the Arctic in a submarine, and is in league with super-advanced aliens who reside within the hollow earth.
Don't miss it!!!
Posted by: Ramblin' Jack | October 21, 2009 at 12:04 PM