Alice Reads Bookgirl

 Bookgirl: I'm ready. Hit me.

Alice: How long have you lived in the Big Apple?

Bookgirl: Twelve years. I moved here right after college. When I was thirteen.

Alice: You are recently roommate-less for the first time in years. Does this mean you are spending a lot more time in the nude?

Bookgirl: You have no idea.

Alice: You’re nude right now, aren’t you?

Bookgirl: I'm lucky I remember to put clothes on before I leave the house.

Alice: Is your belly button still pierced?

Bookgirl: I decided I was bored with it. For the record, if you're wobbling on a dock in Mexico, having just debarked a tequila booze cruise, you should probably resist the urge toward body piercing. Even if a Merchant Marine from the cruise pays for it.

Alice: Duly noted.

You're a self-proclaimed shoe goddess. Who's your favorite shoe designer?

Bookgirl: I don't do labels. I want the shoes to call my name, not someone else's.

Alice: So you have a "pathological fear of sharks" but recently went diving in a shark tank?

Bookgirl: The only thing worse than going in the shark tank was admitting I was too afraid to go in. It took me forever to make myself jump off the boat.

Alice: Are you still afraid of sharks?

Bookgirl: Terrified. But for the record, I didn't cry.

Alice: If you had to go back and spend eternity in one of the following, which would it be: high school, college, or your first four months in New York? You can choose hell as an alternative but I would advise against it.

Bookgirl: College. If my scholarship had covered more than four years, I would have figured out a way to stay. I still get together with my sorority sisters to watch football.

Alice: Did you have your own fantasy league again this year?

Bookgirl: My team was The Providence Powder Puffs. I always pick the same name because I love the thought of the guys having to admit that they lost to The Powder Puffs. And I imagine it takes some of the fun out of bragging when they win.

Alice: So you are a weight watchers addict like me—do you ever buy Weight Watchers brand foods at the store?

Bookgirl: I used to, but then I remembered: they taste awful.

Alice: I only ever bought the desserts. I would have bought Weight Watchers beer if they had it though—you know, like celery beer or something.

Bookgirl: Becks light, my friend: I love a beer that can claim a calorie count equal to a medium-sized apple.

Alice: What are you currently reading?

Bookgirl: The Percy Jackson Lightning Thief series. Total book candy.

Alice: Explain “book candy.”

Bookgirl: “Book candy” means books that are pure fun that you can just zip through quickly.

Alice: You work at a major publishing house. Are there any major publishing houses anywhere besides New York? Like, Colorado, for example?

Bookgirl: The big houses are all in New York. Polly insists it's because our weather is bad, and if they were somewhere sunnier, they couldn't get us to work the hours we do.

Alice: You work a lot of hours?

Bookgirl: I have a go-go gadget desk. It opens up into a cot for the nights when it's not worth going home.

Alice: Is it worth it?

Bookgirl: Yeah, totally worth it. There's nothing in the world I want to do more than what I do.

Alice: Not even Robert Downey Jr.?

Bookgirl: Wait. Can I do him for money? No one told me that was on the menu!

Alice: What percentage of your time at work is spent lounging around with a Starbucks in one hand and a fabulous book in the other?

Bookgirl: There's always a Starbucks in my hand. But unfortunately, despite what you might think, I don't get to read much at work. That's what my eight minutes a day of free time are for.

Alice: Do you have a favorite moment in publishing?

Bookgirl: We had a launch party once, and both Arthur Miller and Studs Terkel were there. But the party was for the John Steinbeck anniversary, and his son was there. Now Steinbeck is my all-time favorite American author, and I got to hang out with his son and talk about his dad: which of his books was his favorite, what he was like. I was giddy for weeks.

Alice: So you so end your days hanging with famous authors then? You’re kind of a superstar—and you're in Mensa, right?

Bookgirl: Yes, I'm in Mensa. I'm never sure if people are going to find that cool or creepy.

Alice: I think that depends. What are the meetings like?

Bookgirl: Last time I went to one, we saw Leatherheads then went to the diner.

Alice: Not what I would have guessed.

I heard a rumor that you have a character in a book named after you?

Bookgirl: The famous author's name removed to thwart stalkers  book? Every so often I'll get a call from someone who's reading a book and spotted my name, which is fun.  And the first time an author put me in the acknowledgments I thought it was beyond cool. Now it's mostly just something my mom can tell her friends,

Alice: That’s total celebrity status—I’d show everyone, like look my friend Bookgirl is in here. Which reminds me, what’s your favorite celebrity moment? Was it with Shalom Auslander?

Bookgirl: No. Not Shalom Auslander.

Alice: I just love that book, “A Foreskins Lament,” it's so funny. Your house publishes that, don’t you?

Bookgirl: So I’ve heard, Alice. Because you’ve mentioned it, you know, several times.

Alice: You have to read it. And you have to talk to Shalom about giving me an interview.

Bookgirl: You're fixating.

Alice: Bookie.

Bookgirl: Okay, okay. You win. I'll read it. Even though the word foreskin makes me a little nauseated. I had this one experience—well, never mind.

Alice: What about the interview.

Bookgirl: I’ll work on it.

Alice: Great. Now what’s your favorite celebrity moment?

Bookgirl: I worked on the Tommy Lee book, and when I heard he was coming into the office, I made a joke about asking him to sign my book…chest…whatever. My boss told me he had told Tommy the story, and I thought he was kidding, until he introduced me as "the girl I was telling you about." Awkward.

Alice: Any celeb run-ins on the streets of NYC?

Bookgirl: One time I was in a bar, and someone bumped into my back. When I turned around, it was Lily Tomlin.

Alice: You mentioned that you and the city might need couple’s therapy soon.

Bookgirl: New York isn't always an easy place to live. Sometimes it's you versus the city and, well, you're losing. But then every so often, there are these perfect moments. Everything just comes together. You look around you and think, "I love this city." I call them the "I-love-New York moments." And as long as you have one of those for every three "why do I live in this wretched city?" moments, it's all worth it.

Alice: How many weddings have you been in?

Bookgirl: All of them. I have a collection of baby blue bridesmaid dresses that would make you weep.

Alice: So always the bridesmaid, never the bride?

Bookgirl: Have you ever heard of the band Trick Pony? They have a song with the refrain "I'm so glad I'm not the bride." I like to think of it as my theme song.

Alice: You have no kids and no pets but something like sixty-two godchildren. Who is your favorite and why?

Bookgirl: I absolutely do not have a favorite.

Alice: I bet you couldn’t even type that with a straight face. You totally have a favorite. Which one is it? Lemme guess: Ella.

Bookgirl: Of course not. (Yes.)

Alice: If I were your godchild would I be your favorite?

Bookgirl: That depends. Can you rival her ability to be adorable and a total witch at the same time?

Alice: Duh.

I have one more question: Do the bright lights inspire you?

Bookgirl: Let's hear it for New York, New York!!!!!

Comments

[Polly Poppins]

Does your desk really fold out into a bed? I worked with a guy who could occasionally be found napping under his desk. He kept a full-on pillow and blanket under there just for that purpose. I think a fold out bed would have been more comfortable.

And I'm not sure I ever heard about your foreskin experience. I'm not saying I want to, mind you, but I think someone in the know should mention that you never had braces. You know, in case anyone is trying to picture it.

[Pandora]

Bookie, the more I hear about your fabulousness, the more I want to be you. Seriously still considering working in publishing.....However, I couldn't do New York City, unless I had to. I'm a west coast kind of girl. Vitamin D is essential to my health.

[Mia]

Bookie, you give good interview.

Mensa, eh? Pretty cool. So can you fill out those quizzes at the back of the American Airline’s magazine in like 2 seconds or something? I always say I’m going to attempt them but I never do.

Are you also a Free Mason? Probably not. I heard they don’t allow ladies. Bummer. I should start a secret society. Then I should make an insignia and put it on buttons and pins and on random ancient architecture and my members would go around wearing said insignia and people would go (because at this point Dan Brown would have totally written a book about it) ‘hey are you a (insert awesome secret society name here)?’ and they would go ‘yeah’ but couldn’t tell you more about it because it’s a secret society and then that person would go ‘Then why are you wearing a pin you jerk!’ and so on and so forth.

I’m also very afraid of sharks – I even watch shark week every year to reinforce this fear. It all started with Jaws. Really, if I think about it Steven Spielberg is responsible for most of my phobias. I mean, I still can’t go into the Natural History Museum without freaking out a bit.

[Diosa]

I'm with Polly, does your desk really fold out? Blackstone had a Costanza under his desk when he worked for the state. Now he works out of the house and he can just take a nap in a real bed if he wants. The man likes a nap.

I feel like I've missed something with the whole Foreskin's Lament thing, but I think I'm okay with that.

Most of this I knew already, but I don't remember hearing about the swimming with sharks. Very cool.

[Pandora]

Yeah, about the shark tank....
I kind of want to do that. I might pee my pants though. But, sharks are only attracted to blood right? Not urine? Lets only hope.

[The Dol]

Pandora, nobody knows if you pee in a wet suit. Bonus!

Bookgirl, seriously, I *always* think of you when I hear "Empire State of Mind." Have you seen the Stephen Colbert/Alicia Keys version? Pandora shared it with me. It is awesome and hilarious. Please go watch it if you haven't ever seen it.

Also, I just finished reading The Lightning Thief (the first book in the series, for the uninitiated). Not Harry Potter or anything, but I think the movie will be fun. Total book candy.

[Bookgirl]

Polly/Di, I could explain the desk, but then I'd have to kill you.

Polly, the braces comment? Ewwwwwww. My imagination never went there, and now I'm really sorry yours did.

Pandora, I gurantee that what we have in coolness more than makes up for our lack of sun. Also, I like trying to lure you here because it makes The Dol SOOO mad.

Mia, I love the way your mind works. And yes, Jaws is also responsible for my phobia. F'ing Spielberg. Polly, Di, and I saw Jurrasic Park together the weekend we graduated high school. Polly actually dug her nails into someone's hand so hard she drew blood. True story.

Di, Costanza? Explain.

Dol, I borrowed the first one then immediately went out and bought the second and third. Yes, you heard right. I paid real cash for books. That's when you know I REALLY like something.

[Diosa]

@Bookgirl - It's a Seinfeld reference, not that I ever liked the show much. But in one episode George started keeping a blanket and pillow under his desk and would take naps at work. That's a Costanza.

[Chance]

Girls with large...brains are totally hot! I hope the fact that I spell at a 6th grade level, flip flop tense, and use commas like, a, Republican, spends, a, surplus, a deal breaker with our on-line love affair.

[The Model]

Oh Polly. That truly would be something for a foreskin to lament. Yikes.

If I had a life with no spawn, I would want it to be Bookgirl's life. There is no city I love more than the Big Apple. I am in. love. with that city. And an amazing job like that? Radness. I'm afraid Bookgirl's life is way more glamorous than the Model's.

[Bookgirl]

Chance, Yes. My brain is big too. Although that's not usually the first things guys notice... And as long as you keep up with the funny, I can deal with the commas. Just don't confuse there, they're, and their. That's a dealbreaker.

Model, I'm flattered. Funny, but I don't think of my life as glamorous at all. It's just what I do. Although I AM getting that all-expense-paid trip to Wrestlemania...

Alice, I'm not making any promises, but I contacted Shalom's publicist. Who loves ya, baby?

[Chance]

Shit I hate tests...There is no way they're going to keep their promise of not teabagging in front of children. ??Right??

[boots]

i just think i am going to have to skip chance's visit to ohio and go directly to NYC myself! i love bookie!

[Bookgirl]

Chance, You passed. Phew. I really would have missed the flirtation.

Boots, right back at ya, baby!

[Sistah]

I happen to have checked out (and renewed once) "H------ C----" from our local library...is that one of the ones that your are acknowledged in? If so, I think I have figured out who you are! Wow--I think you are living my dream. Instead, the only mentions I will get are in the forward to "Handling Motor Vehicle Accident Cases in NY". Legal publishing doesn't have the same glamor....

[Alice]

Bookie - ask pretty please from me. With a cherry on top. Tell them I'm a jew if you have to.

[Bookgirl]

Alice, I presented our case and his publicist is asking him. It's out of my hands. Now it's all up to whether he has the time and is amused enough by our blathering to want to join in.