Chance is Begging the Question 1

I can remember it like it was yesterday, the Bangles had the number one Top 40 song with Walk Like An Egyptian; Tom Cruise was starring in the number one box office movie, Top Gun, a story about three men coming to terms with their homosexuality.  I mean: Maverick, Goose, and Iceman, really? Like we wouldn't figure that one out.

And the number one thing to hit the charts that year was Chance Lost His Virginity. 

Tess was a year older than I, about two feet shorter, and had a rather large mouth that was completely wasted on me. We had already run from 1st to 2nd to 3rd base so often that I was developing twitching in my fingers. And although we couldn't find paradise by the dashboard light because I wasn't old enough to drive, there were plenty of places we could fool around: art class with hands underneath the table, the library in between R-405.987 and T-456.946, and of course the movie theater on Friday nights. We had no illusions about being in love but only that we were comfortable with each other, and we were on the same social level in our class, which is to say near the bottom.

We made a plan to run for home base after school on a Friday in October.  I packed a blanket into my book bag, hardly able contain myself as I sat on the yellow number-five bus. As I made my way to my locker, I saw her waiting, trepidation clearly written over her face.

 

 "It's raining,” she said with a heavy tone.

"It will stop," I croaked with the pitch hitting somewhere near a dog whistle.

She sighed and I fought with my demon locker, the one I could hardly ever get to open. Then she touched my arm and smiled.

"See you at lunch," she said. I watched as she disappeared through a crowd of jocks and felt smug. Those guys probably hadn't even gotten to 2nd base yet. The rest of the day was a blur, except I never did get into my locker, and it kept raining.

By the time I walked into my last class of the day, I was cursing god, Wisconsin, and the school clock, which I swear was running backwards. But then the rain stopped; the bell rang. I jumped out of my chair and ran for the door. My heart was beating so loud I was sure everyone could hear it.

"Mr. Chance!" called Mr. Adams, my Social Studies teacher. 

No. Not now. What could he possibly want now?

I turned to face him, certain that somehow he knew of my plans. But he only said, "You left your book bag on your chair.”

"Thanks!" I croaked, my voice so high I’m sure the windows were dangerously close to shattering.

Then Mr. Adams added, "I know this can be a really hard time Chance—with all the changes going on.”

You have got to be f#@&ing kidding me. A puberty lecture now?!

"I remember the summer I turned 13,” Mr. Adams continued. “I shot up a foot and sometimes my voice would crack so hard, it would start all the neighborhood dogs barking."

Oh, hell no.

"Mr. Adams, I have to catch the bus now." I sprinted out of the classroom without waiting for a response.

Tess was waiting for me at the back door of the school just as we had planned. We headed behind the school to a large pine forest—I mentioned this happened in Wisconsin, right?—where only a couple of years earlier I spent most of my recesses—alone—pretending I was Jess Aarons  from The Bridge to Terabithia, yearning for my Leslie Burke.

The problem with a pine forest is that, while it’s generally great for a secluded sexual interlude, after a rainstorm the pine needles tend to hold a lot of water. We didn't make it ten feet before both of us were soaked to the skin. It didn't stop us.

We laughed and shivered our way to a small clearing, I laid the blanket down on the ground, thinking about how my mom would kill me if she knew I had taken it. Then we stood there for a moment, looking at each other, the cold making our breath visible.  There were no storybook ogres in the woods, just us. As soon as we were on the blanket, our bodies fell into the familiar routine of where-my-hands-go-while-she-kisses-my-neck and where-her-hands-go-while-I-nibble-her-ear.

I had never been naked outside before and it was freezing. So I reached to pull the blanket around us, suavely dumping about five years worth of fallen pine needles all over us. We laughed as I picked the pine needles from her hair. And when we finally stopped laughing, a look passed between us and I knew it was time.

Now knowing where it goes and how to get it there are two very different things, but before I had time to panic she helped me find my way.  Our eyes never left each other's and what seemed to last for years, in reality, took about three minutes. I give credit to the cold, as future endeavors rarely lasted two. When it was over, I told her I loved her, and that she was so beautiful. I think she teared up a bit because one of those statements wasn't true.

Tess was beautiful and would only get more so as time passed.  We didn't make love again until years later.  And that really was just two friends trying to capture a feeling that had long past. Selective memory has probably made my first time better than it actually was, but I wouldn't trade that memory for anything. Except. Except: That I had fallen in love with her, that she really was my Lesile Burke,  and that her tears had been tears of  joy.

So begging the question is this, if you could, and would want to, how would you re-invent your first time?

 

Comments

[Polly Poppins]

Well, actually, since you asked, I'd probably go under general anaesthesia and have my hymen surgically removed for my first time. This way my memory wouldn't include me shrieking "Get it out!!! get It out!!! get it Out!!!!!!'

Yeah, I'd start with that. Then I'd add lubricant. And maybe some of that numbing spray they sent me home from the hospital with after I gave birth. And an icepack.

And once that was all handled, I'd have Ramblin' Jack as a student teacher and I'd seduce him. It would be a lot like that Sting "Don't Stand So Close to Me" song, only we wouldn't get caught.

[Bookgirl]

I would drink less the year I turned 18, so I could remember exactly when it happened, instead of having the time I consider my first and the one I think probably really was but don't talk about.

[Pandora]

Polly took me under her wing and bought me a 2 week supply of condoms and lubricant. An open lecture about the best way to be devirginitized with her and the Dol in the Nordstrom Cafe was by far the most outrageous conversation i've had in public. It was almost like being naked.

Anyways, my first time could have been better if my boyfriend didn't proceed to tell 6 people within 6 hours of the deed and then deny it and then break up with me 3 days later......

[Bookgirl]

Pandora, That Rat Bastard. Think of it as getting it out of the way so it can be good with the right guy...

[The Dol]

I think I already answered this question somewhere else in a difference BtQ. My first time was with a major jackass. It was a waste of a memory, and frankly, it verged on date rape. Yeah, I know: romantic. In any case, if I could do it over again, I would do it with my high school boyfriend. We didn't do it because of his Mormonness, which is, you know, whatever. Stupid, if you ask me. We were so into each other, I think we could have had some really excellent sex.

[Chance]

Pandora...being naked at a Nordstrom's is bad...unless you are in the dressing room. As far as the rat give me his address, I might not look tough but I am scrappy!

[Chance]

Dol...I know exactly what you are talking about...I have a few of those 'damn it was right there on the table, why didn't we do it?' I find the older I get and the longer it's been, the more that stings.

@bookgirl..as was said in the gospel that is Superbad...I wish I could have been that mistake...I think everything you need to know about life is in that movie.

@Polly..um what kind of 'icepack' do you prefer?

[The Dol]

i'm with bookgirl. consider the first time out of the way. don't take it personally. obviously there is something wrong with him. and i meant it when i said i would send him a mean message on facebook. with personal remarks in ALL CAPS. i'll do it. just say the word.

he is such a rat bastard.

[Pandora]

In regards to the Rat Bastard: I'm going to defend him a little. He's really not that horrible of a person. However, the timing wasn't all that great. There are a lot of issues that I knew I was getting myself involved with by being with him. Apparently the ship was sinking like the Titanic. He was Jack and went down with it and I was Rose clinging to the floating door panel not wanting to let him go. He wanted me to have my own life and not to bog myself down with his. We weren't in love, so we were nothing like Jack and Rose but, I just love an excuse to compare my life to Titanic.

I'm fine though! I'm going ice skating tonight and drinking Everclear. "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life and I'm feeling good."

[Ramblin' Jack]

Let's just say that every time I hear the song "Maggie May" I get a bit sentimental. No more details, because, frankly, a gentleman never tells.

[The Model]

Oh god. If I could go back, I'd have done it with the last boyfriend I had before the guy I lost it to. I really liked him, but I pretty much dumped him because he didn't have a car. And then I went to Australia and hooked up with this total douchebag and gave it away. The moment itself was nice enough and he was gentle and I didn't have any pain like Polly, but seriously, the guy was so skeevy in hindsight. He was wayyyy older than me. Too old to be deflowering anyone. But at least I knew I didn't love him or anything nor was I even sad when we ended it like a week later, I was just glad to have gotten it over with.

[Polly]

For the sake of full disclosure, I have a very low tolerance for discomfort, let alone pain.

[Diosa]

I had always thought it would be a good idea to lose my virginity to a guy I wasn't totally into, someone who had some experience. That way it could be quick and hopefully not quite so awkward. Fate, my subconscious, or whatever had other plans for me. I lost my virginity to my future husband at 17.

While I wouldn't change that for the world, I wasn't totally off base thinking it would be easier with someone experienced. Since neither of us were, we actually tried 3 or 4 times without success. I had a raging urinary tract infection by the time we were successful. It had me in excruciating pain and landed me in the ER with Polly the morning after senior prom to get antibiotics.

I'm still not sure I'd really want to change a thing.

[Diosa]

@All - That first time's usually pretty memorable (unless you're drunk) but rarely perfect, n'est pas?

[Polly]

@Diosa, I'd change the urinary tract infections. But that's just me.

[Kit]

I just noticed the unique dice in Chance's picture - usually the two is on the opposite side of, and not adjacent to, the five. Is there some kind of alphanumeric code embedded in this image?

Does the ace of spades have anything to do with it ("You know I'm born to lose / And gambling's for fools / But that's the way I like it, baby...")?

[Diosa]

@Polly - Yes, if I could, I'd do w/out the UTI's. However, I doubt there's anything I could have done differently to fix that. Over the years, I tried everything. The only that worked was having a baby.

[Kit]

Je ne regrette rien, as the lady belts. Except perhaps that it didn't happen sooner. But do I really wish that I had taken the opportunities I might have had to lose it before I finally chose to lose it? Not if it means having been even more of a jerk to somebody else, or to myself, in the process, which is what it seems in retrospect to involve.

[Alice]

PANDORA!!! I can't even believe that. If only someone would have taken me to the Nordstrom Cafe in preparation.

I really honestly had to think long and hard about which time was the first I had sex. Turns out I can't be completely sure. Beat that.

[Chance]

Alice...if it had batteries it doesn't count!

[Bookgirl]

Di, Coincidentally the day Polly was taking you to the ER was the same day she was coaching me through calling my prom date to find out whether or not I was a prom night statistic. Busy day for Polly...

Pandora, Polly and I are the same age, and she's still the one who taught me about sex. She's agreed, when I eventually have a daughter of my own, that she'll take her under her wing and teach her everything she needs to know.

[Rosina Lippi]

Since comments are already closed on Alice's interview of Dol, I am hijacking this space to thank Dol (1) for reading The Endless Forest (2) for liking it so much and (3) telling everybody who hangs out here about it.

Because I wrote it. Sara Donati is my penname.

Also, thanks to Alice for tha I guess Dol and I being separated at birth is a no-go, as I am possibly as much as twice her age. But I'm still wondering.

[The Dol]

OH. MY. GOD.

Rosina, I can't believe you just commented on my interview. I had to go update my Facebook status about how excited I am, and I used up my yearly quota of exclamation points, so it will be periods, commas, and all the rest of the civilized punctuation here.

I have so loved your Into The Wilderness series. I won't spoil it for anyone with details, but the way you wrapped it up in The Endless Forest was beautiful and perfect. I was so sorry when I finished it, but I was completely satisfied. And crying, of course. I will miss the Bonner clan. My dad's family is from the upstate New York area (Lake George), so I always felt like I could imagine Lake in the Clouds.

And I have read enough Diana Gabaldon to believe that we could *definitely* be time-travel twins separated at birth (I'm going to OD on ego at reading that you said that.) I see on your web site that you are also an animal lover. Could we get one of your dogs to do an interview with one of our dogs?

I hope you come back to read this comment, because I have a question for you, since I'm mentioning Diana Gabaldon: Did the Claire Fraser cameo end up in the final book? I read about it before I read the book, and either I somehow missed it (and I was watching for it, so that would have been weirdly unfortunate), or it didn't make it. Can you help a sister out?

Thank you so much for commenting. You made my YEAR!!!

Crap, I thought I was done with the exclamation points.