Pandora Ventures Onto Chatroulette

Oh it's a man's man's man's world and that's no exception for the internet phenomenon, Chatroulette.  I kind of felt like Lisa Ling going into the jungle for Oprah to bring back secrets of secretive societies.  Yours truly, Pandora, ventured where few chicks go and many dicks do-- literally.  

For months I had been avoiding the site.  The idea of letting a random stranger see my face--let alone hear my voice--over the Internet was disturbing.  It's not really that I care what others see about me, I'm just not really into the whole anonymous male genitalia thing.  

Let me rephrase that; I like penis.  Yes, I do.  

I happen to prefer males to females when it comes to sexual encounters of any kind.  It's just in my wiring.  However, exposed male penises via webcam really don't exactly do it for me.  I mean, straight guys are turned on by boobs no matter what the circumstance, right? 

So my question is this: are there any ladies that ultimately get turned on by the sight of a penis?  Sure, it's not like I've encountered too many penises in my life, but I just don't seem to find myself particularly overjoyed by looking at one.  The male anatomy just isn't as aesthetically pleasing as the female's.  

The penis is just sort of there. Hanging.    

Now that there has been enough penis talk for a week, let me get back down to the gritty of Chatroulette.  

The whole concept of the site is to connect you with random strangers around the world with just the click of the button.  If one should encounter a creep or a flailing dong, simply click the "next" button and you'll be connected to the next random stranger.  

Beware though, another flaccid twig may appear and there is a high chance that several more are to come.  

About 30% of Chatroulette consists of older men playing with the family jewels.  Kudos to the first person who thought of the idea to expose his junk to the world. It might have been actually funny then.  But to all the others who have followed: you're just not that clever.  

On a side note though, if your little friend is 3 inches long, why, oh why, are you showing that embarrassment off to the world?  Now, 50% of the site's users are just older men who sit around without their shirts.  This leaves us with the other  40% that consist of some pervs and college boys.  Thus, we are left with the 10% that are females. It's a sad truth but, you can only really make it on Chatroulette if you're a decently attractive girl.  It's not that I ever not found myself attractive, but it's definitely a confidence booster when almost every guy you talk to tells you that your smile is adorable and that "it's nice to finally talk to a cute girl instead of a dick." 

Once you get past all the exposure, Chatroulette is honestly a brilliant concept.  For a fun fact, it was actually created by a seventeen-year-old from Russia.  I've encountered and talked to some pretty cool people through the site.  One moment I'm talking to a British bloke about Mumford & Sons and next I'm engaging in conversation with a group of school girls from Indiana.  

Recently, I talked up IYBH to a group of intelligent, yet drunk, college boys from Maryland.  They had transformed Chatroulette into a drinking game in which you took a drink every time you encountered a dick. 

A mighty fine game that is guaranteed to mess you up.  

I informed them I was writing a post and sent them here.  They were suprised that people actually kept blogs with regular postings.  

So far, my favorite encounter on Chatroulette was when two college-aged boys from Boulder serenaded me with a surprisingly awesome rendition of Soul Sister by Train.  It was two in the morning and they had been waiting all night for a girl to show up and listen to them.  Like I said previously, girls are the gems that are rarely seen.  

Men light up the moment they see one.  I almost feel like I could change lives via the site.  

There was one conversation that I had with a boy in the Army.  I thanked him for his service and he told me that I was the first person who he's encountered online that actually told him that.  One boy even told him I was the first person to actually sit and have a conversation with him.  Before, he was constantly being nexted.  

I even met a celebrity!  Well, maybe I did.  Does this look like Snoop Dogg to you?

 

Apparently this is Thomas Delonge of Angels and Airwaves.  I think he was a little disappointed that I didn't recognize him because he nexted me.  Truth is, I had no idea who the fuck he was and had use the mighty powers that be Google.  However, once I remembered the band, I also remembered that I kind of loathed their music....

 
How ironic that the girl named for destruction and despair is spreading happiness and joy to males all over the world. 

So, now that I've broken the ice, are you going to jump onto the wagon and explore Chatroulette?  I know I've found my latest site to procrastinate and wreak havoc.  

   

Comments

[Equipoise]

Lol, sounds like an adventure. Truthfully, I would never explore this site for the simple reason that I have no desire to be subjected to viewing multiple penis displayers. I am a fan of the penis, one in particular, but do not care to view any more because, like you said, they just kind of hang there- useful, but not sexy.

[Polly]

Stephen King, in one of his books, said (I'm paraphrasing) it was a wonder any woman could see a man walking towards her with an erect penis and not burst into laughter, no matter how in-the-mood she might be.

But I am so averse to the possibility of what I might see--and not be able to un-see--on chatroulette, that when Ramblin' Jack was (in reference to this post) bringing up the site on the internets, I averted my face. Jack thought this was prudish but I explained that I am prone to random flashbacks of ghastly things I have seen. It could ruin my life. One cannot bleach a brain.

[Chance]

I have to tell you, and and I am not being biased here, I have a very handsome penis. I have been told that many, many times. On a scale of 1 being ugly and 10 being handsome my bishop rates a 12. I don't know why I was blessed with such pretty plumbing. It is kind of a curse when your woolly mammoth is better looking then your face. It also sucks that not only is he better looking but he is also smarter, more honest, and tends to not care about labels. If he likes you he will always be there for you and if he doesn't you can see it on his face...or I guess by the fact that he won't look you in the eye.
Pandora...this was a rockstar post. I have heard of the site and it seems like it could have been a great way for people to connect with random strangers, but like everything else in life, one ugly pecker ruins it for the rest of us.

[The Dol]

I read this earlier today, but I didn't want to post until Chance did. He did not disappoint.

I love your screen grabs, Pandora. Very fun post, especially for someone like me who will never venture onto Chatroulette for all of the same reasons as Equipoise and Polly.

[Pandora]

@All, I forgot to include that once the males find out you're equipped with breasts-- they want to see them. I then direct them to the first porn site that comes up in my Google search.

@Equipoise, I kind of got over it. Lately, a penis is just another penis. After I wrote this post, a newer version of the site came up. I only encounter a dick every 7 clicks instead of 5.

@Polly, Because I grew up in the digital age, I've encountered countless of things I wish could be unseen. it's one of the rules of /b/. When I take over your throne as Queen of the Universe, I'll invent a brain bleaching product. I'll then use my powers to resurrect Billy Mays to pitch it.

@Chance, Don't ever bring the bishop to Chatroulette-- he'll never receive the full appreciation he deserves.

@Dol, We knew that once I mentioned "penises" Chance would be all over my post. I'm glad he's here.

[Mia]

Oh man. I had heard about the penis thing, but i have to tell you it's not really the reason why I wouldn't venture onto the site. The real reason is because I'm totally the girl you next before you even say 'hi'. oh well.

@ chance. pretty penis? I think you might have to prove that.

[Kim]

I rarely post but I always read. This was a really funny and clever post. Here are two best of craigslist posts you may enjoy about penis photos:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/416052606.html
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/478014918.html

Sadly I cannot take credit for either post. Thanks for the smile, again :)

[Alice]

Great post Pandora and great response, Chance.

I had never heard of Chatroulette before. I feel like it's just too random to take a chance with - what if I'm out there just trying ot show some boob and I get paired with Pandora? Awwwwkwaard. Hehe.

@Polly - haven't you seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Brain bleaching... also - admit it - you totally peeked.

@Pandora - I love how the one guy just wrote "stay" first - thats hilarious.

[Pandora]

@Mia, I'm going to be truthful and say I really don't talk to other girls on the site. I'm somewhat vain and love the attention I can sometimes receive from boys.

@Kim, Brilliant! Thanks for sharing the find and reading along with us.

@Alice, The guy who said "stay" was actually the lead singer for Blink 182 and had no idea until I Googled him. Also, it's a fear I think of. What if Chance doesn't listen to me and takes the bishop out for a stroll? For the sake of our blogship, IYBH members need to keep their clothes on while on the Internets.

[Chance]

Pandora I promise I will not allow the Bishop to have a standing ovation on that site. As far as the past is concerned does skype record your video chats?

[Polly]

@Alice, I didn't peek. I'm not a peeker. I either don't look or I do look. And if I do look, I stare, gawk, and gape. I've even been known to laugh and point.

[The Model]

I have to admit, I've actually seen a few breathtaking penii in my day. (Oh dear, I really have to stop mentioning Rex's equipment in my comments here...) So I don't doubt that Chance may be telling the truth, but yeah, mostly they just hang there or awkwardly attempt to salute (to who? My boobs, I guess. Can't say I blame them.) and just end up looking kind of desperate rather than majestic.

I wonder what would happen if women were showing their vajayjays on chatroulette. Would guys really want to see that? Are vaginas really that much more attractive?

[Chance]

Hell yea!

[Alice]

Polly - I should have known.

Chance - I expected nothing less.

Pandora - you cant make that rule!!! (seriously though can you write a post about TFLN?? I could write a million...)

[Pandora]

@Alice, TFLN was the reason why I almost didn't pass spring semester of 08. KIDDING- sorta..

[Pandora]

Totally meant 09.

[Bookgirl]

TFLN?

[Polly]

@Bookgirl: texts from last night?