Pandora Lost Her Groove

It's gone, baby, gone.

Actually, it's been gone since about the beginning of March but I just now realized it's truly missing.  Not having my groove is seriously effecting my social life because quite frankly, what's a goddess without her groove?  She's just ordinary and I, Pandora, am anything but ordinary.

I think it starting slipping away sometime after my friend's birthday. That's when I hit a relapse with the ex.  

Did you know that it was possible to have someone break up with you more than once after the initial breakup?  

I've been dumped three times by the same guy within the same month. He's the first guy to ever completely mess with my emotions and my normally grounded mind.  I still don't even think he fully realizes how much of an idiot he was about everything.  Plus, the more I analyze the situation, the more I realize that he wasn't that much different from any other guy.  Oh, it doesn't make him a bad person, it just doesn't make him the right person for me.    

On top of that, San Diego and schoolwork were doing a number on me.  I needed to escape and leave everyone and everything- at least for a bit.  I impulsively decided to go back home to the mountains for spring break.  I took my daddy's credit card and booked some of the last remaining seats on the cheapest flights I could find.

No Cabo San Lucas and no body shots on the pier for me.  I wanted my cat, a glass of wine, and to watch musicals with my mother while it snowed.  The mountains are my happy place where nothing changes.  I know that my favorite lesbian bakery will always be making paninis and that my candy store will always sell gummy cola bottles that I can mix with sour worms. 

I went all Eat, Pray, Love these past few weeks.  I indulged in home-cooked meals, had serious conversations with my closest friends, and loved every moment I spent with my mother and father.  It was sort of a mini mid-life crisis, and I'm still in the middle of it.  

Maybe it's just more of a funk.  

To me having a dream that WWIII was happening on American soil complete with terrorist attacks was a clear sign not to get on an airplane or to be back in San Diego.  It didn't help my anxiety that I drank three cups of coffee before the flight.  Not even Ben Gibbard or Devendra Banhart settled me.  Nonetheless, I'm back down south, but I really don't want to be here.   

I need my groove and ENFP self back.  I'm nothing without either one of those.  For my first week back, I didn't even want to see anyone outside of my roommates.  Instead, I stayed home, did homework, and somehow managed to get sick.  

I'm ready to have my groove back. I'm just going to need a little help and support on the way.  I'm not even sure where to start.       

So, folks:  

Help me find my groove?

Do you think you know where it's gone?

What can I do to get it back and reach full goddess potential?

Maybe an all-girl dance party complete with demon alcohol and a killer playlist  (ahem Dol...)?

 

Comments

[The Dol]

Yes, the dance party definitely needs to happen. I'll get on that.

I am hoping you will find some new friends that are separate from the ex-boyfriend's social circle. I really think it makes it worse when you run into him at parties. You are far too fabulous to be bogged down in the relationship limbo thing.

Hang in there. It will get better, and lord knows there are plenty of adorable little crunchy granola surfer boys out there. Go do the caveman grab, Pandora!

[Alice]

It's almost summer, Pandora. I find a fun new groove each and every summer, without fail.

[Finch]

I second Alice, Summer is just around the corner. If I made it through the semester you can too. Plus you know what happens during summer? We both get to come home for at least a couple days and hang out. Yeah you totally made me miss “home” well more less the comforts of Murph Turf. Pan, I know you and you will make it outa your funk into an awesome so cal summer complete with beach, some new peeps and maybe a couple flings.

[The Band Geek]

I would like to get out of San Diego as well. But, unfortunately, I will be stuck here for about four more years. But at least I can spend time wanting to get out of Southern California with someone that wants to leave just as badly.

And your groove will show up sometime. Maybe you left it at my house? It's been a long while since you've been here, you know.

[Pandora]

@Dol, It's frustrating because I love all of my friends that are a part of his social circle. I can stand to be around him, because I'm not that person who dwells, it's just makes things awkward. I need to start hitting up street fairs and just start grabbing boys.

@Alice, I'm hoping SD sunshine will do me justice and turn me golden brown. I'm always happy in the summer.

@Finch, Murph Turf has it's charm doesn't it? I'm looking forward to paninis at the lesbian bakery with you :)

@Band Geek, Well, relapse incident number two did take place at your apartment so it's quite logical. However, It's been way too long since it was just us two in a relaxed setting. I'm looking forward to tomorrow and seeing our potentially fabulous new pad! Also, I still have a love for Southern California, it's just that I need new life down here. I still want most of the same people in it, I just want something fresh. I'm sure you feel the same.

[The Band Geek]

I have come to the conclusion that I love Southern California. But I agree, I need a new life. A new start. A more exciting life.

And I am also very excited for tomorrow as well.

[Bookgirl]

Pandora, I had one guy break up with me like 45 different times. One of the times I was naked. I promise you, you will eventually reach a point where you get to the "Hell, no!" stage a lot earlier. And you have way better role models than I did. Hopefully we'll help you get there faster than I did. (The 42nd and 43rd breakups really sucked. Talking about it almost makes me want to send him a "I still hate you. Love, Bookgirl" message on Facebook.)

As for getting your groove back, find the girlfriend around whom you are your sparkliest, most lovable, most envy-rousing self. Go somewhere public. Look your cutest. Let the boys bask. Don't keep any of them. Throw them all back. Works every time.

[The Dol]

Bookgirl: Best. Advice. Ever.

[Diosa]

Yes, Bookgirl is definitely the girl to give advice on this one. You should listen to her. And I'm going to be the real pain in the ass nag. Exercising will make you feel better. The gym, running, yoga, zumba, volleyball, weight lifting - choose your poison. But get those endorphins running regularly and you'll feel much better.

[Polly]

The worse you feel, the more important it is to:

1. Look good.
2. Take your vitamins.
3. Drink plenty of water.
4. Exercise.
5. Let us take you to lunch.

It seems impossible to believe, but there will be a time when you are telling a story involving the aforementioned boy and his name will completely slip you mind. You'll just be standing there, squinting into the air like that would help, and saying "oh my god...I can't believe I forgot his name...I mean, we...wait, it'll come to me...oh my god..."

You will grab the air in front of you like you want to strangle it. And just when you feel like you must have early-onset senility, you will remember, "oh, right...whatever...What's-His-Name..." because who cares? And you will go on with your story and it will be hilarious, even though you forgot his name, because quite frankly, his name is irrelevant. The important person in the story is YOU, PANDORA!

[teag bag]

I concur with Bookgirl as well. Besides, as every sportsfan knows, no slump or funk lasts forever. So chin up, look cute, and prepare to dazzle. The men of San Diego won't know what hit them.

[The Band Geek]

I came to the conclusion, after glancing at some of the comments, that another night at the clubs is definitely in order!

Maybe this time with a little more liquid confidence! Even though you didn't need it one bit that night.

[Finch]

Woot Woot to that. Go get 'em girls!!!

[Pandora]

@Bookgirl, I'm think I'm hitting the "Hell No!" stage. You make me feel better about myself and that there is hope for me to final end this issue. By breaking it off now, I have a feeling I'll never reach the point of sending him hate mail via facebook.

@Diosa, You're not nagging, it's what I need to hear. I'm just lacking motivation. Sometimes I feel like I just need to make myself hot just for pure revenge.

@Polly, Will lunch this time be even more scandalous? I hope so. I'm seriously excited for that air grasping moment.

@Teag, Just as long as I don't dazzle a Dodger's fan, right?

@Band Geek, We'll have much more liquid confidence next time! I still don't know where that boy came from. Ironically he was friends with ex boyfriend's best friend's ex girlfriend. It's a bummer that I didn't get enough information to FB stalk him.

@Finch, I'm passing out personal ads and flyers for you when I visit Wazzu.

@

[Finch]

Just DJA wasn't appreciating that idea from last fall i don find it overly appealing either. did i ever tell u that one of man voice kate's guy friends actually walked the mall with a sign looking for a valentine? i think there is actually a picture on fb. i don't think was very successful but...

and a note to the Diosa convo i feel like you never could hate any one. not even those who hurt you which makes u a much better person than i could ever be. Mostly because if you piss me off i am prone to want to fight you. so far it hasn't panned out that well for me. yay for aggression :P

[Pandora]

@Finch, You're so allowed to hate your ex boyfriend because I do. He's opened my wine for me and made my drunken mac n' cheese. That hardly redeemed himself. Band Geek and I had a good convo today about boys. Also, I have a feeling that I'll never be able to help DJ Audacious find a girl. He'll have to find one on his own. Not that he's not a great catch, he's just too damn picky- as he should be, I guess. Finally, I should let you know that Man-Voice-Kate stories are my favorite because I picture Sam doing the voices all the time.

[Finch]

A. i wasn't talking specifically about the ex. i just meant in general. for example girl sitting behind me soc today i totally want to kill. she kept hitting my back with her computer. i like the guy that normally sits behind me.not commenting on B. and C. haha but since every one else has names i feel sam should be white dove. and closing comment i am so done commenting on this post. i feel like i have over done it.

[Chance]

Pan, I have some, 'how Pan got her groove back' thoughts for you but this is important so I am thinking them through a bit more. Please stand by:

[Bookgirl]

Chance, You just want to make sure we're all paying attention!

And happy birthday to Alice!!

[Chance]

So I don't have anything really profound to say. But I am very familiar with trying to get your groove back after a heartbreak, disappointment, or simple rejection hits you like a Mack truck, or a soft breeze. Between the two extremes where you are mildly annoyed by a simple rejection, or your hugging your knees to your chest, rocking back and forth moaning and crying, with a box of wine, and the same sad song on repeat, the answer is roughly the same.
Believe me I want to smack myself for even writing this but time is the only cure. There are things you do to make yourself forget temporarily and I have done them all. Some work better at then others, some have less side affects but all are only a band aid on a cut. The following is a path I recommend you DO NOT take.
Stage one Denial: Your not breaking up with me...your just confused. I will go and get drunk.

Stage two Anger: f*#k you for breaking up with me...big jerk...I will go and get drunk and sleep with your best friend.

Stage three Bargaining: Sorry I slept with your best friend, but I don't think we should break up break up...but we could still date, take a step back, lower our expectation. No? What's this a restraining order? I am going to go and get drunk.

Stage four Depression: I am drunk, pass out, I am drunk, pass out, repeat often.

Stage Five Acceptance: OK we are over, I get that. That is fine, we were not right for each other anyway. So now what?

The problem with time healing all wounds is you can get into the habit of protecting yourself, not opening yourself up to new experiences with new people and pretty soon a few years have gone by. And while you think you want to have someone in your life, and will even go on dates and start new love affairs, inside you are guarded and unable to open your heart. People don't always fit together, it isn't you that doesn't fit with them, it's the two of you that don't fit together.
So my advice to you and I hesitate to give anyone smarter than me advice, is this. Stay busy, don't isolate, try new things, new foods, new books, new music, new people. Go out on a Saturday and volunteer at a shelter for a couple of hours, do something to make yourself feel good about yourself. Sooner rather then later you will realize your groove has been back for a while, and it is stronger, smarter, and even more beautiful then before.

Peace out Pan.

[Pandora]

@Chance, I'm so so so glad you're a part of the blog family. You really are the best.

Alcohol has played a messy role in the aftermath of our breakup. Quite positive that I will never drink around him again. However, this is probably a lie and I'm going to have to ask The Band Geek to restrain me and lock me in her room if he or I try any funny business.

I think another issue was that I was starting to talk to him a lot before spring break and the memories were stirred. Now, I refuse to text him. He'll occasional text me and I know he sincerely cares about my well being. I'm just not fully ready to care about his.

He and his best friend have the ultimate bromance. Sleeping with his best friend would make feel like I was committing adultery.

Finally, I think I'm quite lucky things ended soon. I never fell in love with him and I kind of thank him for preventing that.

I'm thinking of pulling a Bookie and volunteering at Planned Parenthood in Carlsbad. Sure, I won't be fighting off abortion protestors on the busy streets of NYC, but it's something I want to be a part of.

I'm giving you one big internet hug!!

PS: I don't drink boxed wine. Two Buck Chuck, baby!

[The Band Geek]

I will gladly restrain you and lock you in my room if I see any sort of shenanigans about to go down. Because I know you. And I know it's not what you want. No matter what your drunk self says.

And their bromance? Too strong for words. Don't get between that. Ever.