If You Belonged Here

Brothers & Sisters

Bookgirl isn't necessarily someone who comes across as being right. Not so much in a she's not right, kinda way, or in a she's always wrong kinda way, or she's got poor judgment kind of way. She just has this way of being right without ever getting or taking credit for it, except for that time when I decided India was a continent.

Yeah, she was pretty right as she listed the continents on her fingers and announced emphatically that India was not one of them.

Other than that, Bookgirl mostly has a way of being right without ever taking credit for it. More often than not, she even lets someone else think it was their idea. Sometimes she offers answers in the form of a question, like a walking Jeopardy episode, and let's you feel smart for confirming, no matter how shakily, her tidbits of trivia.

Also, Bookgirl asks a lot of questions. Sometimes she forgets to limit her questions to things someone might actually be able to answer, but often, she realizes you know something about something and digs out every question she ever had on the subject plus about a dozen made up on the spot, special for the occasion.

I imagine that she was an exhausting child. Delightful. But exhausting.

Anyway, Bookgirl, as you may have seen in Not-A-Post, recently recommended a new television show to me:

Brothers & Sisters

I really like this show, which is about, you guessed it, a family. Bookgirl warned me that they would often turn on each other, and they do. She was right about that. She wasn't sure that would be okay with me, but it is for some reason, although I have to admit I hold it against them. Not that I don't understand; there's not a whole lot of viewable television in completely functional, healthy families without problems.

Let's see, there's William the philandering father (who's dead now), Nora the passive aggressive mother, Sarah the Bitter,  Kitty the Republican, Tommy the Guy, Kevin the Snob, and Justin the Drug Addict. There's also the dead dad's former mistress and Uncle Saul, who lies a lot, and a whole hockey team's worth of supporting characters. They've even got Rob Lowe. But the only character I really like is Scottie.

Who's Scottie? Well, he dated Kevin the Snob until it began to undermine (Scottie's) dignity and self respect. Of course Kevin regretted losing Scottie; he tried to beg him back. After all the insults both overt and implied, Scottie still managed to very sweetly thank Kevin for his apology while still  doing the grown up thing and moving on. But since he moved on, we don't get to see him anymore, and instead we get this creepy guy who is more ashamed of being gay than of being a horrible person for cheating on his girlfriend. Yeah, I hate him. But if you ask me, after the way he treated Scottie, Kevin deserves to feel bad for a while.

That's just karma.

Anyway, I keep getting on the treadmill because I'm totally into this show, which is way better than the  muted CNN I used to watch at the gym. I'd like to take a moment to thank Mr. Poppins for buying me a top-of-the-line treadmill and wall-mounting a panel television to the wall.

Also, for hiding the tv cord because aesthetics are important,which, coincidentally, is why I'm on the treadmill in the first place.

You didn't think I was worried about my cardio-vascular health, did you?

 

Breaking Dawn

Of course I skipped ahead. I was on page 397 before I ever even read a word of page one.

Wow.

Now I know there are a lot of you who consider reading ahead cheating, but let me make it clear: I've never taken any vows. I never promised to read stories in order. And I really hate most forms of surprise and anticipation, so I don't feel I'm spoiling anything.

I read ahead for a reason. Not just because I am impatient but because that feeling of impatience can ruin a book for me far more than knowing the outcome ever could. If I'm just trying to get to the end, I can hardly breathe let alone appreciate the story.

So I read ahead. That's how it is.

To pick up with the usual thread of reviewing the Twilight books, I will mention that this one is loosely based on a Midsummer Night's Dream. Very loosely. No one turns into a donkey or anything, although it probably could have happened what with the werewolves turning out to not be werewolves at all but shapeshifters who just happen to choose wolf form.

Wouldn't it have been funnier if they'd attacked the vampires as, say, giant roosters?

Anyway, I knew immediately that this book was not what I thought it was going to be. I figured Meyer would find some entanglement with hostile vampires to put off the wedding, the sex, and the bite, but she was way ahead of me.

I never saw it coming.

Sure Meyer panned to the proverbial fireplace when the newly married Mr. & Mrs. Cullen first consummated, but she more than made up for that by the end of the book. Maybe not to steamy-detail-Bookgirl standards but definitely to mine.

But oh, the surprises, and if you've read the book you'll know what I mean and if you haven't, well, I'm not going to be the one to spoil it. Only, seriously, people, did you see those surprises coming because no way did I see them coming.

What was annoying? Well, we've got in the habit of addressing that question, haven't we? It was annoying that the vampires can't seem to let their fingers do the walking when contacting each other. I can kind of get it when it comes to the nomads but the Denalis and the Irish should be contactable by phone. I can understand why they would need to travel to Forks for the details but why not just ring them up and tell them they're needed in Forks? Do vampires not have voicemail?

Also, there was a certain level of extended fantasy--oh, wait, I might reveal something so you might want to look away if you haven't read the book--but seriously, a kid without diapers, who sleeps through the night, communicates effectively from day one, and who never has a tantrum. As a parent of toddler, my sensibilities were offended. I mean, seriously, people who have eternal life shouldn't have a child who goes from birth to adulthood in less than seven years. And a month-long gestation.

Puh-leese.

I don't care if  the pregnancy did almost kill Bella, that is going too far, people. The very idea taunts the rest of us and I don't like it.

I don't see how there won't be another book. There should be another book. Only this should be kind of like Rilla of Ingleside (don't tell me you don't remember Anne of Green Gables' daughter). I want to know what happens with that kid. I want to see her dismantle Aro with her teeth.

I'd write more but I'm going on a date. The latest Mummy movie is in theaters and I just have to see that one big.

Eclipse

I've neither read nor seen Wuthering Heights, I'll just admit that up front. The closest I've come is, just recently, adding it to my netflix list.

Sometimes I really hate that list.

Anyway, the general idea is that there is a love triangle, a woman torn between two men. Again, from what I gather, that is where the thematic similarity ends. Maybe there's more, maybe the threads twist deeper.

I don't care.

I only mention the stated tribute text because I've gotten in the habit of doing it. And, maybe, I'm a little curious about which famous novel theme Stephenie Meyer grabbed for her next book, Breaking Dawn. Not curious enough to brainstorm, just enough to type that last sentence.

Anyway.

Eclipse is, so far, my favorite of the series because the love triangle is so out in the open. Jacob refuses to step aside, Bella refuses to force him to go, and Edward refuses to act like he's much concerned that a 6'6" werewolf is howling at his girlfriend.

Is it me or was the imminent danger posed by the rival vampires hardly a subplot, and who could possibly even once, even for a second, have thought anyone but Ginger--Red's real name slips my mind--was behind this week's attempt on Bella's life?

Let's talk about Bella. I'm going to be a little mean here, but remember, I love this book, and I'm in no way trying to hide that. But, Bella? Seriously. If getting married straight out of high school makes you "that girl" how much more quintessentially "that girl" can you be when you are willing to give up all mortal ties, your human existence, everyone you ever knew before Edward just so he can bite you on the neck, plummet you into the pit of hell, and then talk you off the ledge when you want to, say, eat the neighbor boy because you haven't learned to control your, ahem, appetite.

Bella, Bella, Bella.

Being "that girl" is not about the white dress and the ring, sweetie. It's about losing yourself, your very identity, to some guy who, well, carried your books to class. Avoiding the Bridal March is kinda beside the point when you surrender your species affiliation.

I'm just saying.

So, that was annoyingly naive but, hey, eighteen going on nineteen isn't as old as Bella thinks it is. If she can't act and think like a teenager while she's still a teenager, then how can I possibly excuse the tantrum I threw this morning because my hair dryer wasn't working?

Just kidding.

Heh.

Anyway, Bella's other dilemma is more understandable to me. I'm talking about Jacob & Edward. I mean, why choose? I really think she can handle both of them. She's young. Her dad isn't big into supervision. The boys both, clearly, have other time commitments, what with keeping her alive and all.

Making Bella choose is a classic case of creating a problem where, really, all I see is a solution. Although, I can't even type outloud all of the really perverted things I've thought about in association to having intercourse with a werewolf.

I'm just wrong. As in, not quite right. As in really, truly, really wrong.

Shame on me.

Anyway, I chalk all that up to some weird confessional story I read in Cosmo once and I'm not going into any more detail than that. Except maybe to say that I'm not the only one who should be ashamed. Very ashamed.

Which leads me to say that I expect somebody to have sex in book four. Lots of sex. I'm not interested in any Edward/Jacob slash fiction either. I want Edward and Bella to consummate already.

Bite her, don't bite her. I'm not sure I really care. But for Hank's sake, he'd sure 'nough better get to poking her already.