If You Belonged Here

Pandora Is Begging the Question And Begins...

 Being the ENFP I am, I rarely finish anything I start.  I'm the person who'd be all stoked about knitting a scarf, but for Christmas you'll receive a potholder instead because I got bored.  Same goes for blogging.  I knew that I had a lot to say and figured I had enough to spill to the world to create my own.  Truth is, I had more fun designing the look of my blog than I did posting on it.  That's why I'm happy Polly lets me write here.  She keeps me a strict schedule which all ENFPs need in order to get shiz done. 

What is the thing you'd most like to begin?

I want to begin a better workout plan.  Yeah I know, you all think I'm young and hot.  I'm humbled by your flattery, but in all seriousness, I can't exactly be eating the way I do and expect abs to appear magically.  Now, that'd be a superpower I'd want.  Also, I'm not trying to sound like the insecure college girl here, I just know if I picked up the physical activity, I'd feel a bit better.  

Finally, just because I picked exercise as something I'd like to most begin, it doesn't mean I'm limiting my options.  I mean, I'm also open to most begin trying new things.  Perhaps try new foods, extreme mountain biking, long boarding, mixed drinks, Puerto Ricans...  

Oh god, there I go being an ENFP again... 

  

Pandora Ventures Onto Chatroulette

Oh it's a man's man's man's world and that's no exception for the internet phenomenon, Chatroulette.  I kind of felt like Lisa Ling going into the jungle for Oprah to bring back secrets of secretive societies.  Yours truly, Pandora, ventured where few chicks go and many dicks do-- literally.  

For months I had been avoiding the site.  The idea of letting a random stranger see my face--let alone hear my voice--over the Internet was disturbing.  It's not really that I care what others see about me, I'm just not really into the whole anonymous male genitalia thing.  

Let me rephrase that; I like penis.  Yes, I do.  

I happen to prefer males to females when it comes to sexual encounters of any kind.  It's just in my wiring.  However, exposed male penises via webcam really don't exactly do it for me.  I mean, straight guys are turned on by boobs no matter what the circumstance, right? 

So my question is this: are there any ladies that ultimately get turned on by the sight of a penis?  Sure, it's not like I've encountered too many penises in my life, but I just don't seem to find myself particularly overjoyed by looking at one.  The male anatomy just isn't as aesthetically pleasing as the female's.  

The penis is just sort of there. Hanging.    

Now that there has been enough penis talk for a week, let me get back down to the gritty of Chatroulette.  

The whole concept of the site is to connect you with random strangers around the world with just the click of the button.  If one should encounter a creep or a flailing dong, simply click the "next" button and you'll be connected to the next random stranger.  

Beware though, another flaccid twig may appear and there is a high chance that several more are to come.  

About 30% of Chatroulette consists of older men playing with the family jewels.  Kudos to the first person who thought of the idea to expose his junk to the world. It might have been actually funny then.  But to all the others who have followed: you're just not that clever.  

On a side note though, if your little friend is 3 inches long, why, oh why, are you showing that embarrassment off to the world?  Now, 50% of the site's users are just older men who sit around without their shirts.  This leaves us with the other  40% that consist of some pervs and college boys.  Thus, we are left with the 10% that are females. It's a sad truth but, you can only really make it on Chatroulette if you're a decently attractive girl.  It's not that I ever not found myself attractive, but it's definitely a confidence booster when almost every guy you talk to tells you that your smile is adorable and that "it's nice to finally talk to a cute girl instead of a dick." 

Once you get past all the exposure, Chatroulette is honestly a brilliant concept.  For a fun fact, it was actually created by a seventeen-year-old from Russia.  I've encountered and talked to some pretty cool people through the site.  One moment I'm talking to a British bloke about Mumford & Sons and next I'm engaging in conversation with a group of school girls from Indiana.  

Recently, I talked up IYBH to a group of intelligent, yet drunk, college boys from Maryland.  They had transformed Chatroulette into a drinking game in which you took a drink every time you encountered a dick. 

A mighty fine game that is guaranteed to mess you up.  

I informed them I was writing a post and sent them here.  They were suprised that people actually kept blogs with regular postings.  

So far, my favorite encounter on Chatroulette was when two college-aged boys from Boulder serenaded me with a surprisingly awesome rendition of Soul Sister by Train.  It was two in the morning and they had been waiting all night for a girl to show up and listen to them.  Like I said previously, girls are the gems that are rarely seen.  

Men light up the moment they see one.  I almost feel like I could change lives via the site.  

There was one conversation that I had with a boy in the Army.  I thanked him for his service and he told me that I was the first person who he's encountered online that actually told him that.  One boy even told him I was the first person to actually sit and have a conversation with him.  Before, he was constantly being nexted.  

I even met a celebrity!  Well, maybe I did.  Does this look like Snoop Dogg to you?

 

Apparently this is Thomas Delonge of Angels and Airwaves.  I think he was a little disappointed that I didn't recognize him because he nexted me.  Truth is, I had no idea who the fuck he was and had use the mighty powers that be Google.  However, once I remembered the band, I also remembered that I kind of loathed their music....

 
How ironic that the girl named for destruction and despair is spreading happiness and joy to males all over the world. 

So, now that I've broken the ice, are you going to jump onto the wagon and explore Chatroulette?  I know I've found my latest site to procrastinate and wreak havoc.  

   

Alice Opens Pandora's Box

Pandora: I hope I’m not too dull.

Alice: Please let me be you. That’s the first question: can we trade lives?

Pandora: Are you sure you want to? I mean, I live an immature carefree life with no parents and excessive alcohol. Oh, and apparently this thing called "adulthood" is looming over me.

Alice: Well, I’m pretty sure this is a facebook status quote from you " Pandora is having an impromptu beer pong match against ___________!”

Pandora: Monday evenings get dull. We make the best of them. I also want to state that I won that game.

Alice: Yeah, I’ll take it.

Question two: this entire interview is going to be about your giant boobs, your college lifestyle and your gangsta father. What do you have to say about that?

Pandora: Sigh. Really?

Alice: No. But if it were what would you say?

Pandora: I’d say I talk about my boobs on a regular basis so it'd really be no different but I think of them as temporary. Polly promised me she'd pay for half of my reduction. Granted she was ten-tequila-shots deep, but a promise is a promise.

Alice: So you're going to go from like a triple Z to a D-ish or what?

Pandora: More like from a DD down to a healthy C. Pretty sure somewhere in the world a boy is going to fall dead the moment I decide to sign the papers at the plastic surgeon's office.

Alice: I'd bet on that being like a lot of boys.

Pandora: No worries.

Alice: Did Polly really give you condoms at a Nordstrom Cafe?

Pandora: Yes and lubricant.

Alice: No she didn’t! What kind of lube?

Pandora: Are you really going to make me dig it out? Hold on. "Natural feeling" k-y.

Alice: That’s so Polly—getting you the good kind of lube and not that "jelly" crap.

Pandora: Um, yeah. I don't know anything about that "jelly" crap. I'll take your word for it.

Alice: Please do. What kind of condoms?

Pandora: A lot of kinds.  She even got me the "Pleasure Pack."

Alice: How many condoms are we talking here?

Pandora: 52 of them to be exact. Apparently that's considered a two-week supply.

Alice: Maybe that’s a two-week supply for her but I'm here to tell you that if I check back in two weeks and you don’t have any of them left then we are trading lives immediately.

Pandora: Trust me, they will be here in two weeks. I've sworn myself off boys for at least a month.

Alice: While we're on the subject of sex—I understand they call your sister Sex On A Stick. What I don’t understand is how you didn’t get that nickname first—seeing as the term so clearly applies to you as well and you are older?

Pandora: How do I say this without coming off narcissistic?

Alice: I’m sure you can think of something.

Pandora: Baby sister is a bit more naive. Essentially, she doesn't realize she's hot.  

Boys regularly tell me they've never met someone like me and are completely entranced by me. Then I dump them. Unless you're the current ex...

Alice: We won't talk about the current ex, will we?

Pandora: Let’s not.

Alice: How long have you known Polly?

Pandora: Since I was about seven. I consider her and the Dol my older sisters.

Alice: But you are actually related to one of them, no?

Pandora: Yep, the Dol is my biological cousin. Her late mother and my father were siblings and the offspring of our commie-pinko grandfather.

Alice: So, of course knowing how awesome the two of them are and the fact that they are both in the San Diego area—did proximity to them factor into your choice of college?

Pandora: I always knew I wanted to live my youthful years where surf meets turf. I had visions of suntan boys with too long of hair. I didn't think I was going to need my extended family down here. Freshman year was tougher than I thought though and I’m very fortunate for both of them.

Alice: Best college classroom moment?

Pandora: During speech class. We were talking about the different mannerism and dialects you use when talk to different people, as in your language towards a cop is different than the way you'd talk to your best friend. This lead to our professor asking us if we ever had any run-ins with the cops. One kid told about the time he got an M.I.P. The professor wasn't sure what it was and the student had to explain it was for minor in possession—in his case, marijuana. My professor then spent ten minutes reminiscing and telling us how she tried weed once and was told to sauté it in red wine, dry it out, and then smoke it. Then she encouraged us to tell us about other illicit activities we took part it. My professor was also a seventy-year-old woman.

Alice: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Pandora: Ugh. Lately I’m thinking housewife. Except I burn cookies and can't cook. I redeem myself with my cleaning abilities. But I'm told I just need to be explosive at sex.

Alice: The sex bit is good advice—who gave it?

Pandora: Polly Poppins herself, who else? In all seriousness, though, I might want to grow up to be Bookgirl. I'm going to declare my major as literature and writing.

Alice: Have you declared a major yet or will this be the first? 

Pandora: This will be the first. I initially considered declaring biology. I shortly found out it was nothing like Grey's Anatomy.  I now feel it is better for humanity if I didn't hold a scalpel or any medical instrument.

Alice: Favorite college kid alcoholic beverage?

Pandora: Pink panty droppers or the classic standby bottle of cheap wine. Never boxed though. I try to keep it classy.

Alice: What do you miss most about high school?

Pandora: Having my closest girlfriends at lunch every single day. That's it though. It was a small town; I needed to get out.

Alice: Were the other kids so jealous of your Papa Gangsta Pete—because he was obviously one of the coolest parents ever?

Pandora: Kids are still jealous.

Alice: I’m jealous.

Pandora: You should be. But honestly, it's only been recently that I could accept the fact that my dad is pretty awesome.

Alice: Does Papa Gangster Pete read the blog?

Pandora: I sure hope not because if that's the case I HAVE NEVER KISSED A BOY AND ALCOHOL IS BAD BAD BAD. Actually, he can barely access a computer.

Alice: I wondered how you were getting away with the alcohol/sex talk. Does he know he has a facebook fan page?

Pandora: I might have mentioned it once.

Alice: So, basically, no.

Pandora: Shh.

Alice: So Papa Gangster Pete is a California Peace Officer. What is that exactly?

Pandora: He says it's adult daycare. But in laymen's terms: prison guard. He loves his job. His personal motto is "you can be a stoner, barely graduate high school, and still make six figures. God, I love California."

Alice: And if there is a Vegas trip for your 21st birthday he will be there, right?

Pandora: He's never been to Sin City so apparently he's using me as an excuse.  But I’ve never been one to turn down my daddy's money so I’ll take it.

Alice: Can I come? I feel like I have to see it to believe it.

Pandora: You can come to Vegas but he's every bit as obnoxious no matter what the setting.  His personal favorite thing to do is tell jokes loudly, in hopes strangers hear them, and then look around to make sure.

Alice: Do you think you inherited that sense of humor?

Pandora: We feed off each other and constantly fire back comebacks. He claims I don't listen to him because he never beat me. But yeah, you can credit my sarcasm to him.

Alice: I’m also jealous of your incredible taste in music. Where, when, and how did that start?

Pandora: I started digging into indie music my freshman year of high school. I was inspired by Garden State and Seth Cohen of the O.C. and further shaped by meeting my male counterpart, who is a college radio DJ. We claim to have "the most culturally relevant friendship ever.” He recently made me a 1000 song playlist full of his favorite indie and hip-hop finds.  

Alice: Are you going to be writing about music more here on the blog? I love when you include playlists.

Pandora: I heart sharing with people what I’m currently listening to. I probably won't be putting up a post purely on music, but I always try to incorporate music into my post.  Also, just ask me and I'll mail you a mix.

Alice: What are you listening to right now?

Pandora: Currently "Satellite Skin" by Modest Mouse is rockin'.

Alice: Does growing up scare you?

Pandora: Insanely. I got depressed turning 20. I don't want responsibilities.

But then I remembered that my dad never grew up—not really—so neither will I. I just need to get a job.

Alice: Have you decided on where you will be spending your summer abroad? 

Pandora: I’m not sure if it'll be summer but I want to study in England: Beer and Boys.

Alice: Favorite book?

Pandora: “The Secret Garden” and then “The Secret Life of Bees.” Apparently, I like the clandestine theme.

Alice: Movie?

Pandora: "The Sound of Music" and then "Garden State."

Alice: Dare I ask for a favorite song?

Pandora: "Green Eyes" by Coldplay. 

Alice: How about artist then?

Pandora: I can't pick one band unless I’m allowed to mash Coldplay/The Fratellis/Spoon/Muse/Phoenix.

Alice: Last question: when you get married, can I have what's left of those condoms?

Pandora: I told you, I only swore off boys for a month. But I'll be happy to buy you your own two-week supply for Earth Day.