If You Belonged Here

Model Gets Work

(I'm going to have to make this one short today. I have just unearthed myself from a mound of schoolwork, and it is now time for the Model to get some beauty rest.)

I had a job last year that I adored.

I worked in a government laboratory doing all sorts of very sciencey things. I could listen to music on my iPhone all day and just work away. I had all my protocols perfectly memorized and rarely made a mistake.

Got a tedious, repetitive job involving pipettes and centrifuges? I'm your gal.

 

So, I moved away and had to leave my fabulous job. I've missed it ever since. I was going through a lot of shit when I was working there and it was sort of my happy place.

I recently met someone where I live now who works for the same small division of the same government agency and is doing similar things to what I was doing, in a lab not far from my house. She told me they're hiring. Now.

I'm very, very interested.

They're hiring more than one of the same position, and with my experience and knowing the person I know, my chances are quite good. I'm super, ultra, uber excited about this possibility.

So, tell me about jobs you've had that you loved. Or jobs you think you'd love. This wouldn't quite be my dream job per se, but it's pretty much perfect for what I want right now in the short term. What's your dream job?

 

The Model is Begging the Question and Reminiscing

Rex was my first love.

We met when I was 7 and he was 9. My mom worked as a textile artist in an old shoe factory in Tucson, and Rex's mom had her sewing shop in the same building. My two brothers and I came into work with her one day and Rex was there with his mom that day, too.

I remember that day clearly. He was sewing designs into the calluses in the palm of his hand with a needle and thread and showing my brothers his Gameboy.

I was immediately enamored of him.

From that point, our families got closer and closer. My brothers and Rex became the very best of friends. It was the early 90's, so they skateboarded, had a garage band that covered songs from grunge bands, and taught themselves to program on some pretty primitive computers. My mom eventually started working with Rex's mom at her wedding dress company, and the four of us kids were homeschooled together by my dad. Rex slept over at our house probably at least 4 times a week for a long time. My brothers went on sailing trips with Rex and his dad, our parents took trips to exotic places together, we celebrated Christmas at their house... You get the picture.

The whole time, I had the hugest infatuation with him. But he pretty much didn't know I even existed.

(My brothers, Rex, and me.)

When I was 11, my family moved back to L.A. Our parents didn't end it on the nicest of terms, so our families lost contact almost completely. My brothers and Rex stayed in contact for a little while, but it faded out.

We all went on with our lives.

I grew and started modeling, my brothers continued programming (they're both software engineers currently), I eventually got knocked up and married Captain Armani, years passed...

But I never forgot about Rex.

Every year on his birthday I would notice what day it was, and I would sigh and wonder what he was doing now and imagine running into him somewhere and catching up. I wondered if I would even recognize him, or he me.

A few years ago, Rex got my brother's phone number, thanks to the power of teh internetz. My brother came to visit him in Tucson and they had lots of good laughs about old times. We all became friends on MySpace, but I didn't really talk to him.

I was happily married at the time (or so I thought), so I just looked at his pictures and sighed over what could have been but now never would, and let it go.

As you may already know, I split with the Captain last year and we (the kids, the Captain, and I) moved back to L.A. to raise the kids there together as two single parents.

I had been Facebook friends with Rex for a while, and one day I sent him a totally benign and mundane message. I still figured that all was lost and the door was closed forever, but I did want to see what he was really like now and if he had been worth pining over for all those years. 

We started writing back and forth and talking about all sorts of things old and new, and sparks flew. We had eerily large amounts of obscure things in common. We started talking on the phone and texting all day every day. One spectacular weekend in Miami later, we knew we were in love. We began visiting each other every chance we could get. He was flying me in and out of Tucson practically every week for a while. The opportunity came along for the kids and I to move out here with him several months ago, so we did. And it's wonderful.

He's the one. The One. And he really always has been.

I think there's something very special about first loves. My current stepdad was my mom's high school boyfriend and they reunited when I was a kid after 18 years apart. I believe The Dol has a similar story about her dad and stepmom with an even greater gap in time.

So, my question is this:

Who was your first love?

Do you still carry feelings for them deep down somewhere?

Alices Poses The Model

 Model: Bonsoir!

Alice: Parlez-vous français?

Model: En peu.

Alice: Uh, nope, that’s all I had. Merci, though.

You're called the Model. Are you really a model or do you just like to build model airplanes or ships in jars or whatever?

Model: I'm not currently a model, but I did work as a model in one of my previous incarnations. That is, pre-spawn.

Alice: So, are we talking Sears catalogue or Calvin Klein billboards? And please don’t be afraid to be totally arrogant; Chance was.

Model: The Model is not secretly Giselle Bundchen or Kate Moss, so not quite Calvin Klein billboards in Times Square. But I was in Italian Vogue, a Marc Jacobs runway show, stuff like that. My ex-husband did the Armani campaign and really was on the billboards in Times Square, so my career was always totally inferior in comparison.

Alice: And you have two kids with him right? They must be so adorable.

Model: Correct: two adorable spawn.

Alice: And now one million questions about modeling: first and foremost was an eating order required?

Model: I was already starting with the metabolism of a 16-year-old—since I was one—so on top of that I would navigate the streets and public transport systems of foreign cities all day long carrying a giant bag, in heels, and eat like, a panini for lunch and a little bowl of pasta for dinner. I would have dwindled away to nothing if I hadn’t the sense to fill in my calories by drinking all night.

Alice: In other words, you have the life experience of matron but are only in your very early twenties?

Model: Something like that.

Alice: Growing up fast: good thing or bad thing?

Model: I'm happy with my lot. I have friends my age who are still partying and nowhere near settling down. But most of my friends who are in the same place in life as I am have a good decade or so on me. It's been like that for so long, I can't imagine things being any other way.

Alice: Favorite modeling moment?

Model: I'm sure I should come up with something highbrow and glamorous, but I’m going with getting paid to throw french fries at Mary Tyler Moore on live TV while standing next to Bruce Vilanch.

Alice: Worst modeling moment?

Model: I once did a shoot in the foothills of Mt. Fuji in the winter, with strep throat, in a short-sleeved shirt, skirt, and sandals. It’s no trip on a runway, and it’s not terribly embarrassing, but I almost died of goosebumps.

Alice: So are goose bumps airbrushed or what?

Model: Sure. What isn't?

Alice: You've traveled quite a bit. Have you ever landed in another country and felt like you were home?

Model: I got pretty comfortable with Tokyo, but there's no place like home (click, click, click).

Alice: What city or country do you hope you never have to return to?

Model: Easy: Milan. I'm not sure the smell of Italian dog feces and body odor will ever leave my memory. I’ll happily go anywhere else in Italy, but Milan can bite me.

Alice: Do you anticipate any world traveling with kids in tow? If so, will you be wearing heels?

Model: I’ll take the kids anywhere. And I wear heels to the grocery store. Because Rex, my significant other, is a very tall, very thin guy, so I do what I can to match.

Alice: Rex’s tall without heels though?

Model: 6'7" in his socks.

Alice: No he's not! That is freakishly tall. Jack-and-the-beanstalk tall.

Model: He's never heard that before. Ever.

Alice: Please tell him I said so. He needs to hear it. Tell me what he says.

Model: He says he actually had no idea he was anything but average until this very moment. But thanks for making him feel like a circus freak. He's going to go cry now.

Alice: Or he could just take up basketball.

Model: Also a completely new idea.

Alice:  I'll text you my address so he can send me a thank you note.

Okay, I can't resist. I have one more thing for Rex: can he see over most bathroom stalls?

Model: He says, "I can see over ALL bathroom stalls. I just don't look." Same goes for dressing rooms.

Alice: I might need to devote an entire interview to him because I have a lot of questions about being that tall. Like "where do you shop?” And "have you measured your torso and your legs"?

Model: Alice, you’re fixating. I was warned about this.

Alice: Right. So, please tell us all the secret of high heels.

Model: There's no real secret other than getting a comfortable pair. I have heels I can wear all day and do cartwheels in no problem, and I have heels that I can't stand in for 30 seconds without getting a blister and fainting. You just have to be selective.

Alice: That’s not the answer I was hoping for. What do you do when it comes to jeans? I'm dying to know.

Model: I don't wear jeans.

Alice: W-w-w-w-w-whhaaaat? Get out. And Rex doesn't look over the bathroom stalls?

Model: I wear dresses. Almost exclusively. With leggings or stockings in the winter. Sometimes skirts and blouses.

Alice: Now I'm speechless. Is it possible to do that in freezing climates?

Model: I wouldn't know. I try to only live in temperate zones.

Alice: I like you less and less.

Did you ever get to keep the clothes you modeled?

Model: Mostly no, but it did happen on occasion. Now I mostly shop thrift. Which is why I'm often found in really bizarre prints.

Alice: I take back not liking you.

Polly always says she’d like to be more like you. Any idea why?

Model: She told me it’s because she would never (could never, really) just wake up and decide to go on a cross-country road trip alone—with a two-year-old—and leave that same afternoon. I can and have, plenty of times. I usually wing it pretty well.

Alice: Polly mentioned something about a puking dog, too? Was that real?

Model: Once there was a puking dog. And it was fine. We all had a great time anyway, dog included.

Alice: Okay, so I can conclude that screaming kids is something you handle well. What’s your trick? And don't tell me your kids don't scream.

Model: They scream. They just don't scream as much in the car.

Alice: You stopped attending school in sixth grade, just left and never went back. But now you’re heading toward becoming a doctor, aren’t you?

Model: That’s the general direction. I faded out of school in sixth grade and ended up pursuing modeling, so first I had to go back and get a GED. Now I'm a sophomore pre-med. We'll see. I reserve the right to change my plans at any time.

Alice: So give us one sentence to sum up why dropping out of middle school isn't the end of the world.

Model: Middle school is the deepest pit of hell. There's also something to be said for not being burnt out. Sorry, two sentences. Dropping out didn't teach me any respect for rules. You know, this would be a good place for you to segue Shalom Auslander into the interview—

Alice: I want to mouth kiss you with tongue for that. Did you read the book?

Model: Not yet. Books pretty much have to magically show up on my doorstep in order for me to read them these days. But thanks to your obsession, I hear that just might happen with “Foreskin’s Lament.” (Oh Bookgirl, how I love thee...)

Alice: What’s the difference between a model and a supermodel?

Model: Money. Lots of it. Models make just enough to keep traveling. Supermodels make oodles and have name recognition. And are a species that is nearly extinct.

Alice: Any advice for the young girls out there, like Chance, who want to be models?

Model: Just don't do it. Unless your looks are all you have going for you and you’re a glutton for punishment. If you have anything else going for you at all, and if you dislike punishment, you're wasting your time and talent getting into modeling. But I'm not bitter.